


The Dried Flowers

by AkinariShin24



Category: Mewgulf, TharnType the Series (TV), Waanjai, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M, MewGulf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkinariShin24/pseuds/AkinariShin24
Summary: "before you date me, you need to understand that i'm damaged""I'm bored, that i always been hurt to have you.I'm bored, that i always insecure to lost you" He cried slowly, but his palm was cold, he is bite the lower lip
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	1. The Damaged of Me

"before you date me, you need to understand that i'm damaged"

That's the first sentence Gulf was said. Four years ago.

The silences filling up between them almost 1 hour

"aren't you bored with me?"  
"why? i didn't" Mew stare those eyes, the eyes that always full of brightness and now fill with nothing

"but i'm bored, i'm bored with this all four years"

He didn't replied, just wait and listen what the man beside him will say

"I'm bored, that i always been hurt to have you.  
I'm bored, that i always insecure to lost you" He cried slowly, but his palm was cold, he is bite the lower lips

"Hy, Gulf. Did i ever cheated on you? or do something bad behind you?"

He shook his head and stare his beloved one.

"So why? why did you feel that way? You know it very well, i love you more than anything, right" Mew try to hug him. Just a little hug.

But, Gulf push him. It's give them some gap that enough to release Mew's hands from him.

"Leave me alone, please" his voice so desperate. He just sit at the corner and can't stare at Mew.

Mew try to reach him, "Gulf please, not again. What's it now? am i wrong?"

"leave me alone!!!" he screamed, he cried harder than before.

"okay, okay. Don't try anything that can hurt you" He left him with full of worries. He closed the door, and he hear Guld was locked it from inside.

This is getting worse, this is happened over and over. No, Mew not bored or tired with him. He just... he just can't handle it. It's hurt him even more than Gulf do.

Mew waited him from outside. He can't cry. No. Try not to cry. He lay his head down between his knees, he remember all Gulf's suffer.

"I get triggered easily, i have struggle with things. One day i won't talk to anyone, i'll shut you out"  
Gulf said this after their first kissed

"Everyone has left me. I can't believe you. Everyone even you has left, cheated, and chosen another one"  
Gulf said this at second year, while Mew was do his job as model with female model and to be well known couple.

"i need you, i will need you. I will need you to keep choosing me. I need you to take care of me"  
Gulf said this at third year. This is look like better than before, but after he said this. He collapsed. He even get treatment every weak, of course Mew beside him as always.

And now, this is happened again. Doctor said Gulf has better. But his insecure always filling him up.

He just cried loudly in the corner, he hugged himself. His body is very cold. He try to heal himself, but everytime he tried he remember what Mew said two days ago when he called with his friend.

"yes, everyone want a child. Me too"  
"How can i not want it?"  
"Gulf? surely, he want too. But we didn't talked about it"  
"what are you talking about? break up?" Mew lower his voice "hmm... i'll tell him about this. As soon as possible", and he walked outside. While Gulf heard it, everything. His heart aches. He know, with him Mew never be happy, Mew never get his family, Mew never be a man. And Gulf know this relationship must be ended someday.

It's two days ago, and the impact is now. Very serious. Very hurt Gulf's heart.  
He punched his chest, he is collapsed, "it's hurt, it's very hurt. I tell you already if i need you, if i love you. But this is hurt, my beloved man"  
he even cried loudly, Gulf called Mew's name, he punched himself over and over. I try to write something, and left it on the table.  
"I love you, i'm so sorry"

it took almost 2 hours, longer than before.  
Mew hear his man called his name. But he can't coming, he is try to not break the door.  
"Gulf, please" he answered desperately, "please stop it"  
and this things happened  
Mew heard something broke on the floor, something glassy. He can't think again, his head was blurry, so many bad things appear in his head.  
"Gulf!! Gulf!! answer me!!" He knocked the door hardly  
"let me in, open the door please!"  
"Gulf!!"" in second Mew broke the door and see his beloved man was bloody on the floor...

Why is his life not fair?  
Why God couldn't just let us be happy?  
Why our love is very desperate?  
is it a sin to love someone who love you?  
Why God must took him?  
i love him God, i love him, please.....


	2. The Broken Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When two souls fall in love"  
> there is nothing else but yearning to be close to each other. The presence is felt through a held hand, a voice heard, and the sight of smile. Even through the simple touch.  
> Souls do not have calendars or a clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance.  
> They only know it feels right to be with one another. This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they are not around.  
> Your soul feels their absence---- it doesn't realize the separation is temporary

Mew called an emergency number to help him take Gulf to the hospital. At that moment the doctor instructed to take him to the operating room. The sign was on that mean the doctors are on their way to operate him.

"Nurse" He called a nurse who passed him, "if you need blood transfer, you can take mine. I have the same blood as him, you can take mine as much as you need to save him"

The nurse just give him a slight smile, "Calm down, Sir. We have enough to save him. Please calm down, and pray for him. You can take your time to wash yourself" She left Mew who just stare at nothing. His shirt was covered with blood, his hand, his face. All over. But he didn't care at all. 

Gulf's parents and Mew's parents arrived after 15 minutes Gulf was in operating room.  
Mew's mom saw her beloved son sit on the floor, covered all by blood. She hugged him, tightly.  
"It's okay baby, it's okay"  
she just hear his crying, this is the first time she saw her son crying so desperately.  
"Let's take care you first, dear" Gulf's mom said it to Mew with tremble voice. She try to not cry.  
"i love him, i miss him" Mew's answered in his middle cries  
No one can calmed down Mew. Even their moms hugged and patted him. He is in pain. So much pain that can killed him right now. But their love more stronger more than the pain, he must be endure it.

It's took 3 hours, and now Gulf was transferred to ICU. The doctor want to talk with the guardian. So Mew and Gulf's mom followed him at his office.  
"I think, one of our nurse was tell you to take care yourself" said the doctor after he saw Mew still in bad shape.  
"I'm fine. i can wash it later" Mew's answered.  
The doctor give him a wet towel and dry towel. He won't say anything until Mew done to take care himself. Gulf's mom helped him.  
"How can you take care him if you can't take care yourself? Sir, can't you see, it is not just you who suffer right now" Doctor's said after Mew finished wash his hand and face.  
Mew look at Gulf's mom, he forgot. Maybe this mom is suffering more than him. He grabbed her hand softly.

"I'm sorry. You can tell us now" this time Mew is in good condition, maybe because he realize, he is not suffer alone. And now Gulf is safe.  
"No need to be sorry" the doctor showed the result of X-Ray on his computer screen, "This" He pointing the display, "He cut off the artery, nerve, and 3 tendons. The wound is small, but deep enough to get some operate procedure" the doctor take a human hand anatomical model, and continue his explanation, by pointing the artery, nerve and tendons that Gulf cut off.  
"We had done the neurological rehabilitation,arterial reconstruction, and tenorrhaphy procedure. And now, he will be fine"  
"So when is he can be transfer to medical ward?" Gulf's mom asked.  
"Soon, i'll check it first after this so we can transfer him"  
"But, doctor" Mew is hesitate to tell him. Gulf's mom nodding her head as sign she is agree with him, "He will be okay after he wake up, right? He has anxiety"  
"i know, i have asked his personal psychiatric, Doctor Champ to look after him. Don't worry"

As the doctor said, Gulf was transferred after he didn't get any fever, and showed good condition. Their parents decided to transfer him into vip room, so he can more relax and get privacy. After Mew clean up himself, he come back to hospital and watch over Gulf. He asked Gulf's parents to go home, to take a rest, and come back again tomorrow morning.

He cares Gulf's left back palm, sometimes he cares softly the right hand the one have been he hurt.  
"Hey, Gulf. Did you know? I'm so in love with you, making memories with you is my favorite thing to do" Mew hold his hand gently  
"How can i life without you?"  
"Am i not good enough to you for making you this suffer and hurt?" He cried, "i love you" he smiled with the tears are falling like hell.

This morning Gulf wake up, he sit on wheelchair and stare his right hand. Mew didn't know Gulf was woke up, he left this morning to get his first meal since yesterday, after Gulf's parents arrived.  
"Gulf" He said at first time his eyes caught him from his back.  
"You are back, Mew" Gulf's Dad said, and he turn the wheelchair to faced Mew.  
His beloved one is in front of him, his the one and only is stare at him. He can't say anything, he is so happy that can't believe Gulf still have the same air as him. He kneeling and stare at this person.  
"We will give both of you some time" Gulf's dad pat Mew's shoulder. His dad and mom are leaving this two.

"How are you?" the first sentence Mew said to him. He try to reach Gulf's face slowly, and Gulf just let him. "So glad to see you again this morning, babe"  
The tears almost fall. He can't endure it anymore. He hug him. Not that tight like usual. He cry. He cry like crazy. Mew feels the Gulf's left hand was on his back.  
"Mew" He called him.  
"yes, yes.." Mew faced him.  
"Let's break up"  
"....."  
"No, you didn't do something wrong. I'm, i'm who is wrong here"  
"No. I won't"  
"but i'll"  
"pleasee... give me one chance again, i'm so sorry to hurt you"  
"Leave me please" Gulf turn back his wheelchair  
He can't beg anymore if Gulf said this sentence. He stand up, and smile painfully, "i'll wait, God has planned you for me. I'll wait. I love you even more" 

Mew is cried outside the room. His mom hugged him  
Mew is hurt even more right now. Gulf's mom hugged him  
Mew is broken, he is not complete anymore  
He is just a unsolved puzzle......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He wrote this before Mew back to his room  
> "Hey, i wanna tell you the truth"  
> I like you. A lot, my beloved man. more than I've liked anyone for a long time. and to be honest it kinda scares me. I don't want to screw up what we have, whatever it is, and I've fallen pretty damn hard for you. I just hope that whatever happened we don't ruin what we had before all this happened.
> 
> "the truth is i love you"


	3. In the Right Time part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was brave and strong and broken all at once"

The psychiatry Doctor Champ with Gulf's best friend Techno come in to Gulf's room. Techno give Gulf's mom his best hug, and Doctor Champ greeted with his wai to Gulf's dad.  
"Hey, dude. are you okay? Sorry i just come back from Hongkong to take care something" Techno come closer to his friend. Gulf just nodding his head and smile slightly, his left hand caressing the other.  
"Where is Mew?" Asked Techno to Gulf.  
"He went to grab some food, he didn't get something to food from yesterday" His Dad answered Techno, and Gulf remain silent.  
He is know this is not the usually of his friend, he take his step and sit down with Gulf's mom.  
"How are you, Gulf?" asked Doctor Champ come closer.  
"hm"  
"Your doctor just inform me if you woke up, so i come here to see you"  
Gulf still in his silent  
"I want to tell you something" this time Gulf stared at him, "your condition is not good, your emotion is not stable enough. Are you remember when i said your condition will get worse if you hurt yourself"   
"I know" He replied, and back to stared nothing  
"Let's start the treatment, but maybe this time will be longer than before. Don't worry, you have your parents, and Mew who will be beside you like always" Doctor Champ patted his shoulder.  
"Let's go No. I think Mom and Dad need some time to discuss with Gulf" He asked Techno to go out from this room.  
"How..."  
This word stopped their step, and make them turn to Gulf  
"How long i need to recover this time?"  
Doctor Champ smiled,"maybe will take over 4 months, it depends on your will"

"You sure can heal him, right?" asked Techno on their way back, "He isn't the friend that usually i talked with"  
"Don't worry, he will be fine. He have Mew. You know it very well, Mew is his everything"

Both of them are back, Doctor Champ bring some documents and Techno bring a bucket flowers. But when they are come in those room, the atmosphere is very different. Gulf's dad is embracing him, and Gulf's mom just hold her tears behind Gulf.  
"Mom, what happened?" asked Techno.  
"I broke up with him" Gulf answered with his tremble voice  
"what?! Are you crazy?" Techno shouted right behind Gulf, "Look at me, you asshole!!"  
Doctor Champ try to calm him down, Gulf's parents bring Techno to go out with them.  
The way Techno shouted at him like, that is because he is know. He know it well. How struggle Gulf, how struggle his love story and his anxiety. When Gulf in the lowest desire to life happily he came, he save his best friend and stay beside him until now. Mew is the right person in the right time for Gulf, he even said won't, never let him go and will be give his all for Mew. But now, he who the one asked break up. 

"So, Gulf can i see you?"  
No answer. Gulf just nodding slightly. Doctor champ turn the wheelchair to faced him. This is the first time he saw Gulf in his tears not because his anxiety, but in his losing of part of him. Nothing. No word can be say. He hugged him to comfort him.  
"Why are you broke with him if you in much pain like this?"  
"He is suffer" Gulf answered trembly, "he is suffer more than me"  
"But that is Mew's will"  
"He will lose everything if we are still together while i'm on treatment. He will keep beside me, he won't work, he won't do anything, he won't pay attention on his" He cried painly in Doctor Champ's hug.  
"I see" No words can answered Gulf  
"He will definitely wait me, he said God planned me for him. He will absolutely wait me".....

Mew went home with his parents, he locked his room and never answer back if anyone called him. He didn't dare to turn on the lamp, he just sit on the floor, he stared nothing. Sometimes his tears are fall but he didn't care to wipe it out.   
"What i did? What is it? Did i do wrong?" this questions keep running in his head. Mew wonder if he could change anything, everything so this nightmare never come true...  
He remembered their time together one by one. He still remember, he said "you are all my life, you are mine whatever you are"   
But now Mew let Gulf winning over him, and force him to let Gulf go

“When you’re left by the one you love, you wonder what you did wrong. You wonder what made them stop loving you, and you wonder if you could’ve done anything to change it”

The second day after the break up thing happened. This day is first of Gulf's treatment. His emotion more stable than yesterday. Techno, and his parents are beside him to encourage and give strengthen him.  
"Good morning Mom, dad" Doctor Champ greeted them politely, "I'll start the treatment first, and then we talk later. I bring my friend to help, he is hypnoterapist. Maybe the beginning will make Gulf suffer a lot, i hope Mom and Dad will understand it" he explain it carefully.  
Gulf's parents and Techno just nodding, and wait silently on sofas, while Gulf is one his bed waiting his first treatment to start. Gulf never get hypnotherapy before, this is the first time for him.  
“Gulf, maybe this is very painful. You will recall your bad memories, but you will let them go too. We need your desire to heal yourself, it’s all depends on you” Doctor Cham try to explain it.  
“You can do whatever, if this things can make me better and i can go see him without any worries”  
Doctor Champ now who is it. He just nodding slightly, and his friend start to do his job. First time he met Gulf is very long time ago, when Gulf is in very bad condition but not that worse more than now. First time he diagnosed Gulf as borderline personality disorder (BPD) without PTSD. His symptoms are extremely sensitive, he can trigger intense on small things about relationship. Sometimes he can’t think straight, he said hurtful words but without act out dangerous. Doctor Champ said this symptoms is painful cycle, but Gulf now days have different symptoms, he even can hurt himself, he even can let go the person who he loved the most, his body, brain, and emotion think this is the best way, the best way when he is the one who is in hurt.

In Gulf's unconscious he recall everything, everything that made him like this. 

At second year of senior high school, Gulf was in love with a beautiful girl. He kept this relationship until he at half second year of his college, he proposed her at her birthday  
"Dude, are serious wanna get married with her?" Techno asked Gulf who is busy tidy up his clothes.  
"Not get married, No. I have tell you"  
"huh, engagement right. But after that, you will marry her"  
"absolutely" Gulf's smile brightly, "Let's go"   
Both of them went the girl's class  
"June" said Gulf  
That girl is the one who Gulf love that time, "Oh, Gulf, Techno. Why are you here? Didn't you said you have class too?"  
Gulf take his step and get closer to her, he grab her hand and gave a red little box, "let's get married"  
Her answered is absolutely yes, even her friends made fussed, Techno congratulated his best friend.

One month after he proposed her in her class, the engagement party was held. Both of the invited their relative, friends, and best friends.   
"Ok, let's go to main event tonight" shouted the MC to take the attention all of audiences. "Come here Gulf stand on right beside me, and June stand on left"  
They are faced each other, with their bright smile.  
"I wanna tell you something before" said June used the microphone  
"Ohh she will tell Gulf her feeling? okay, good we will give them time"  
Their friends cheered them, their family gave them applause.  
"I'm sorry Gulf, i was betrayed you. I'm so happy to have you in our 2 years, but i'm sorry" June cried.  
Gulf tried to reached her, but June step back.  
"I'm pregnant now with someone else"  
Those sentence made him can't think straight, he was tried to shook his head. He stared the audiences, their families. All of them covered their mouth with full of shocked, his mom cried in his dad's hug.  
"I'm sorry" June cried louder  
Gulf just stared her. He can't found the answer, even he can't asked anything.  
"Did you have right to cry in this situation?" finally he asked without any emotion on his face. He broke the glass that still he hold with his left hand, he punched the mirror behind him. He were bleeding, he just left the party with those hand.  
"Gulf! Gulf" techno chased him. After some time, finally he can grabbed his hand  
"let me go, No"  
"Where are you going? your bleeding, your hand"  
"This is not your damn business"  
Techno punched him," what are you want to do? suicide? wanna die with all those blood? you fuck!!" He shouted  
Techno succeed bring Gulf to his home, he take care Gulf. That man, he never saw Gulf in this state. He even not cried or complain anything. He just silent, he didn't care on anything, he lost on his mind and sadness. This things made Gulf remember the bad memories before, he tried to buried them in his deep memories.

"You never be loved, Gulf. You will always being left. You will be an asshole in whole your live. You don't deserve love, and true love"

Those painful words are shouted to him from the best friend he believed, but in the end that friend raped him, and hurt Gulf even more  
"No matter how hard i try, no matter how much i give, i will never be good enough for anyone"  
"Is it me? Am i the reason people always leave and betray me?"  
Techno heard sometime Gulf hit the wall or the door, but he can see or heard anything in his thought. Techno want to asked so badly, why Gulf is very desperate, why he didn't know this side of his best friend, why he didn't talk it with him..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Because i am not the type of person someone falls in love with"


	4. In The Right Time part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> once in a lifetime you meet someone who changes everything

One weeks after the incident June was drop out from the college, Gulf take his absences for three weeks long. Sometimes when Techno was around the college he heard the others talked about these two, they are whispering like Gulf was killed someone. People talked about how poor Gulf is, they are never gave him an encouragement but always talk behind him, that made him uncomfortable.

Gulf is different than before, he remain silent, he rarely go to the field again to play football, he rarely go out with Techno. Like he was in his world, with the hardest, and tallest wall, and he never let anyone come in. Techno gave him much time to be alone, but the worse part in his best friend life would be coming, he never thought Gulf will be do this.

"I go out with someone" Gulf said without stared his friend

"hah? Really? That's good" Techno looked so happy to heard that

"A man"

"What? WHAT?!!"

"I will try to date a man, who knows it's work" He said like that is not a big deal

Techno grabbed his shoulder, "Are you crazy or what? You are straight, what are you want to do?"

"Like i said" He stared Techno, "I will just try to date anyone, if i can't be loved with a girl maybe a man?" ,Gulf stand up, take his bag and take his step to go out from Techno's house

Techno still remain silent and busy with his thought about what Gulf's said. He realized when his friend almost gone from his gaze, "Where are you go?"

Gulf just waved his hand.

"Shit, what's wrong with him" He just can mumbled alone.

His phone ringing,"Oh, Champ. But Gulf was gone and he didn't tell me anything"

"I'll go to your home"

"okaayy"

Champ and Techno waiting Gulf in Techno's house, but until midnight Gulf can't be reached.

"I think i should go now" said Champ already take his things

"Wait wait" Techno's replied, he stared seriously on his phone, "Hello Gulf" He picked the call

"Pick me up, No! hurry up, i'll sent you the address"

"What's wrong?" Champ asked

"He asked to pick him up" Techno still stared at his phone, and Gulf sent he a address. "Let's go!" He pulled Champ's arm.

"Can you tell what's wrong?" Champ asked while they are on their way

"I don't know too Champ, but i feels something happened with Gulf" Techno fully with worries, he kept shaking his leg.

Champ put his hand on Techno's hand,"Calm down, we're almost there"

As they are arrived, Techno try to looking for his friend. His eyes caught something. Gulf was beaten, he was on the ground, and someone punched his face several times. Techno and Champ run to Gulf, and Champ separated the other man

"What are you doing? He will die" Champ hold that man

"Who the fuck are you? You are ruining everything"

Techno help Gulf to wake up,"are you okay? Your face.."

"He deserve that, i'm his boyfriend" shouted the man

"Hey, what's wrong with you" Champ still hold him, "antisocial personality disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, impulsive control disorder"

"what the hell are you saying"

"I can diagnose a lot of diseases on trash like you who attacking his lover"

"You didn't know anything, don't interfere my business" he tried to push Champ but he failed

"Remember this you bastard, people with psychological illness that can injure themselves or others are under special law and can be admitted to a mental hospital by force. I'm a doctor, a psychiatry who can easily force you go to mental hospital"

That man looked afraid, he step back,"Fuck!" he gave up and left them.

"Let me look" Champ look at all the bruise and Gulf's head. He was covering blood from his head, his face had all the bruises, even his mouth was bleeding,"let's go to my hospital"

Both of them help Gulf to walk to the car, he sat on the back, and laid down himself.

"What's happened? Don't dare to tell me" asked Techno

Gulf take a long and heavy breath, "He wanna fucked me, but i refused"

Techno want to shouted him but Champ patted his hand and shook his head, "let him be"

Gulf take his slept after Champ take care his wound and bruise, Techno stay in his room and look after Gulf with Champ.

"He need a treatment" Champ mumbled

"Then do it"

"He didn't want to, and i can't do that because his emotion unstable"

"So we must let him like this every time?"

"I try my best, No" He patted Techno's shoulder, "You must take a rest too, i'll be back to my office"

Techno just nodding, and let Champ left them. Techno is more younger than Champ but he never address him with "Phi", they are closed enough to do this things, that's why Techno bring Gulf to him, and wished that his best friend can be healed.

Techno take his step and stand beside Gulf's bed, he feel sad, poor, and angry to him, but he can't anything. "Gulf, **you deserve someone who thinks you are too important to lose** " Techno smiled painfully "I'm here beside you"

_in other hand........_

"Heyy, still waiting someone?" Tong punched Mew's shoulder

"That's hurt, Tong"

"Really? which is more hurt my punch or being left?"

"You!!!!"

Tong just laughed, "i have a big news for my best friend who being left"

"You, if you talk nonsense i won't help you to do your research"

"Believe me" He closer to Mew's ear, "He take full absence around 3 weeks, his engagement had broken, all students know it very well" he sit down properly again

"What? How?"

"She betrayed him, and get pregnant with other man"

Mew shocked heard those news

"That's why you have to asked and get closer to your students. So you will get much info"

"So, what's next?" Mew's asked

"Yesterday he was beaten by a man"

"What?! why? who? how?"

Tong covered his ears because Mew's shout, fortunately they are in their office and no one come in, "Champ take care of him" Tong's face changed, he was worried, "he was in bad state, but he didn't want to be in treatment. He try his luck to date anyone, include a man, even though he is straight"

Mew looked so down heard all those fact

"you must try your luck, try to reach him and help him"

Mew looked at Tong, " But i just a secret admirer of him"

"Take your time to thinks it again, help him if you want to help before he get damaged, i think he have some trauma" He grabbed his belonging, "i'll go to talk with Champ"

Mew and Tong are best friend, they are a lecturer. Except a lecturer Tong is a doctor too who work in same hospital with Champ, Mew is lecturer and business man. This two are very well known all over the university, they are always stick together even they are have different passion.

Mew is still doubt with his decision, it is over 2 weeks just to think it again and again. He still didn't take any action, even though he always asked Tong everyday how's Gulf. Tong said Gulf was healed all his bruise and his wound on his head. So, once again Mew just let it be, and won't do anything.

Today Mew has done with all his classes, he waiting Tong in the hallway. It is have been one hour Tong can't be reached, and Mew still waiting him there. He sighing, and pull out his phone from his jacket pocket.

"Yo!!" Tong punched Mew's shoulder

Mew's eyes almost rolling up,"I almost dropped my phone. Why you take so damn long" Mew's grumbled

"Follow me"

"Where"

He just pulled Mew's arm, and they are stopped at mini park, so they are can talk comfortably.

"What's wrong?"

"Listen carefully, i just got some information from my friend, he is like to go to club or paid someone for him"

"Tong, please!"

"okaayy okaay,look" Tong changes his tone almost whisper, and talk so closed with Mew's ear, "He is try to sell his body to anyone, anyone. But he never do it, maybe just hanging out or just the other things but not sex"

"What the hell is it about"

"Gulf" Tong stared in Mew's eyes. His friend can't get any word to answer. "Tonight too, he will do it again, won't you help him? Are you an idiot? Who is still thinking about it over 2 weeks?"

"So what can i do?" He is like lost in his mind

Tong grabbed his shoulders,"Ask yourself, if you let him it will very dangerous, he keep destroy himself"

"Take this!" Mew give Tong his belongings, and take his steps to run

"Where are you go?" Shouted Tong ,"You can't just looking for him randomly, Bangkok has many club" He covered his mouth with his palm, and look around

"Call your friend, ask him, then tell me" He is left, and leaving Tong alone.

Tong's friend gave him some places, Mew have to looking for him at those places one by one. It take almost seven hours, until midnight and finally he caught someone in crowded. But he have to make sure, that it is him. The one he was looking for.

He is drunk, very drunk even he can't sit in his own. He laid on sofa, but he surrounding by some mens. Four mens, one of the tried to hold Gulf and bring him by forced. Mew immediately go to his place, and pulled him in his arms.

"What the hell, who is it this person" the man who hold him shouted

"He is mine, he is with me. What are you doing?"

"You? With him? The other one yelled at Mew

"We are already paid him, he is ours" He is tried to reached Gulf, but Mew avoid it

"You guys wanna do it? Do it with me, let him go" Mew's answered fiercely

"Shit!! let's go" the one who hold Gulf before asked his friends. They are leaving both of them

Mew sighing, "I think they know, they can't do it with me. Right, Gulf?" His voice change, more soft and never heard by anyone.

"let's go home, Where are you live?" He carried him by piggyback

"Phang nga" he answered randomly

"what? How..." Mew just giggled. At least he called Tong to ask Gulf's friend's address.

"So, Gulf. Who is he? The one who bring you home" Techno's asked. Yesterday he not at home, he even didn't know Gulf do those things again.

"I don't know" He grabbed his head, "My head killed me"

"You will do this things over and over?"

"No. Sorry"

"Not me, but yourself" He left Gulf to get his drink.

Gulf take note from his pocket, he look around before Techno come in, 

_"Are you wake up? I think you need drink more water ^^ call me if you need anything....Mew"_ the note had written


	5. I Heard Your Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's flashback, before Mew decided to help Gulf in the club that night at their point of view
> 
> You don't find love, it finds you.  
> It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, and what's written in the stars

"Don't you wanna date one of them?" asked Tong after they are finished the class and left the crowded

"Why should i do that?"

Tong just giggled, "Let's get food from medical faculty, today's menu is superb"

"That's so far from here Tong, i'll staving when i get back here"

"Let's go out and get food at restaurant"

Mew starred at him,"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing"

"Just let's eat here" Mew dragged him by force. They will talk about the classes today, the exam, and the assignments for next week. They always do this while they are eating, that's why no one assistants lecturer want eat with them.

Mew gazed at his around, his eyes caught someone. Someone who are made him curious. Why is he smiled so lovely, why is he so beautiful. The way he caressing his girlfriend's head, the way he talked with her and his friend so different, but that's made him wanna get to know him more.

"Mew!" Tong called him on his ear, "Why are you spacing out?"

He smiled, "Nothing"

"What? Why?" Tong followed Mew's gazed, he found nothing.

"I think i like him"

"Who? Suddenly?"

"There... the one with football t-shirt. He is so lovely"

"I think there is his girlfriend beside him"

Mew nodding,"I think so"

Tong didn't understand anything, his friend just lost in his gazed on him

"I want him to know me, but i don't want to tell him"

Since that day, Mew tried to steal a glance whenever he saw that person at his class, hallway, canteen or just talked with his friends. Mew always smiled whenever he saw him, he want to say hey to him so badly, but he didn't dare to do it. He enjoy his action as secret admirer.

"I think he is an introvert, he just going out with one friend, and he is not talk active" He mumbled while he saw him on his way to class

Today, Mew gets his chance to join that boy's class as an assistant with his senior professor. He got the chance to absence the students one by one

"Gulf" He called, and that boy raised his hand

****Aah.. so it's your name** **

Mew just sat behind while the professor do the teaching, he just do his part so little. Sometimes he glance at Gulf secretly, then he smiled slightly. There is so many students in the class, but Mew just and always looked at him. When the time to do an assignments for a group, the first he look for is Gulf.

****I think i have so many butterflies** **

But not everyday he can see him, sometimes even when Mew tried walk to canteen, or park that always he used, he didn't found him.

"Looking for him?" Tong's asked

"Hmm.."

"This is the first time i see you as secret admirer"

"He have a girlfriend, Tong"

"But you still like him"

"I can't help it, his eyes, his smile, his voice, his lips. He has the cutest smile that takes your breath away, he has the ability to make you laugh every time he speaks. I think i can heard his heartbeat when he talked with his girlfriend" Mew's replied so long like write an essay

"It's you, not your. Just you!" Tong shook his head "you are so whipped"

"Am i?" Mew laughed hardly

It's take one year already from the start Mew liked him in his own way. He never got chance to greet or say hey to him. Never. Like he would do that.

Mew have to come to uni this morning to manage some new schedule, his schedule as lecturer and businessman made him cracked his head into to room. As a businessman Mew have one the famous restaurant, he is a big investor to entertain industries in Thailand, he have fashion brand that well known all over the world. As lecturer it is just a hobby, he said a long time ago.

"I can't go with you today, i have an operation" Tong said through the phone

"It's okay, i'll make my schedule same as you. Is it Run there?"

"Yeah, he collecting my things he said"

"What the hell he do. I just arrived, bye"

"Oh, Mew! I think he is there with new students, make sure you say hey to him"

"Shit" Mew closed his dial.

Like Tong said, Gulf there with ton of new students. But his eyes always found him first. Mew greet some senior students that he know, and in the end greet Gulf to

"Hey Gulf" He waved and smiled so lovely and widely

****What the hell with the waved, why i smiled so wide too.** **

Gulf didn't replied, he just silent. His friend try to realized him

"Gulf, are you sick? Your face is so red, your ears too"

Mew heard those while he take his step away from Gulf spot

"Is he sick? I'm so worried, should i ask Tong to get some medicine to him?" He talked alone on his way

Mew's eyes caught him sat down under the trees, Mew smiled. His called Run to asked him bought some medicine, but the phone still in his hold.

"Hyung, Hello! Are you there?" Run said through the phone.

In second his smile fade away when his girlfriend come to him, and he hug her.

"Hyung, do you need my help? Something happened?" Run still tried to reach him

****I get so jealous seeing you with your girlfriend, but the thing is you're not even mine** **

****"**** Oh, i just realize i call you" he said, finally placed the phone on his ears

"Are you okay?"

"I'm on my way to administration, where are you?" He changed the topic

****I shouldn't be jealous, you were never even mine** **


	6. I Saw Your Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know you, and then all at once, you were the air in my lungs

He never interest on someone else since he had June. He just look at her all the time. But in the first time he get into uni, his eyes caught someone who always surrounding by female students. At first he didn't know that person is a professor and lecturer, because he looked so young.

He is so humble, the way he always smiled back at everyone, the way he hanging out with his friends. he never get angry or annoyed, but the students respect him so much.

There is one day, he saw him at yard beside his classroom, Gulf can saw clearly at him. He brings the students and do the teaching there, he is so strict but he can bring smile on his student's face. Without Gulf realize, he smiled slightly.

"Gulf! where are you looking at" Techno whispered, "The Prof will begin the quiz"

Gulf moved his gaze to Techno

"Why are you smiling?"

"Me? I'm not"

He always with his friend, Gulf didn't know the name. The female students always hold their scream if the two of them passed by, it's look like they are so popular as the young professor in this uni.

"No, do you know them?" Gulf pointing used his chin

Techno gazed the way, "Oohh.... don't you know? The left one is Mew, the second is Tong. They are lecturer, but for Tong i heard he is a doctor too, for Mew he is... i don't know" he laughed

Gulf stared at Techno

"it's really, i just know that much. Why? They are so handsome" he chuckled, "But, for Mew he ever got in our class at first time Prof Haris teach, didn't you remember?"

Gulf tried to remember, "I don't remember"

"Wait, aah... you were text with June all the time when he introduce himself. And you didn't interest at all, but now you ask about him?"

"Let's go, get some food with June" He dragged Techno with him to stopped his curiosity.

In his mind Gulf always thinking about this, how a man can be so damn hot, and stole the other man's attention. No, no, Gulf is straight. He have June beside him, all the time. But, looking at that person give him another reaction in his head.

"So, his name is Mew?" Gulf mumbled on their way home.

"Why are you always ask about him lately?" Techno's answered, "Or you...like.."

"Ai'No! Don't talk nonsense, I'm straight, i have a girlfriend"

"Okay..okay!"

"I just.. just wonder how he can be a professor in such young age, and look all female students just... like.. looking at a their crush" he tried gave some reason

Techno laughed so hard, "Then try to greet them next time"

But after a few days, Gulf didn't see him anymore. He try to find the answer by asked at his students, one of Gulf's friend take his class.

"I didn't see the young lecturer who always surrounding by female students" He started

"Who? Ahh P'Mew?" Song's answered

"You called him what?"

"Why? He is the one who asked us, he didn't like to be called as professor, too young he said" Song laughed, "He still teach us, but not always. He busy with his research, sometimes we go to different classroom more than the actual one to adapt his schedule"

Gulf just nodding.

The final semester for this year was ended, and now the beginning new semester, and new students from high school join in the uni. Gulf and Techno take his role as senior in new students orientation. From a far Gulf saw some new students didn't pay attention to the senior who talk in front of them. He looking at the same direction with those students, and his eyes caught someone. Someone who have been so long he didn't seen, he wear white long sleeve shirt, black long pant, and brings backpack. Mew. Yes, he is just passing by in front the students. Just walk, but he got their attention.

He greeted some senior students, Gulf just silent. He might won't greet him, although he want to be greeted like the others too.

"Hey, Gulf!" Mew waved and smiled at Gulf

****"He talked to me and all i could think was Oh! Shit"** **

His brain can't process anything. He Freeze.

"Gulf! The Prof greet you" Techno wake him up from his silent mode. Techno look at Gulf, Techno slanted his head, "Are you sick? Your face is so red, your ears too"

"Hah?"

Techno gave him his phone, so he can see it through the camera

"No, i need go to toilet!" Gulf gave back Techno's phone and left immediately, he even didn't replied Mew.

"Today you said hey to me, and i died" Gulf laughed, he sat down under the trees, to calm down his heart and his redness, "That goddamn smile" he giggled

But he never felt like to Mew, he just adore him. He like him like a fans love their idols. He knew himself very well. ****Or maybe not.**** He for many times said to himself that he is straight, he just like a female, that's why Gulf spent more time with June more then usually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We found each other by accident, by which I mean every power in the universe made it so


	7. The Truth About Meeting You In My Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I looked at him as a friend until I realized I loved him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!  
> There is some NC in the last part

Timing is something none of us can seem to get quite with relationship. We meet the person of our best friend one week before that person go to another city. We met the one who can gave the happiest life but in the last that person is left. We have crush to other person who already taken.

 ** **You never meet the right person at the wrong time because the right person is timeless.**** The right person make you want always be better and hold their hand. Your heart always want to follow them. The right person will always beside you whether you are in bad day, in your mess, or you are fight your anxiety

Today Mew and Tong were have dinner together at Mew's new restaurant, Mew is invited Run to join with them. But in the end just two of them, Run late for some reason and can't join for dinner.

"So, how's going?" Tong take a sip his wine

"He didn't called me"

"How long it was?"

Mew try to remember, "four days until today" Mew didn't drink his wine, just gazed it. If his eyes can destroy a thing, maybe the glass have been broken

"Let's wait, i have tell you it's gambling and try your luck. Don't hope for more"

His phone ringing, without checked from whom he put the phone on his ear,"Hello"

_"Hello, This is Prof Mew's number?"_

Mew take a look his phone, the caller is unknown just a number, "Yes, who is it?"

_"It is me, Gulf. I wanna meet you to thank about that night, if you didn't mind i ask you to join late dinner with me"_

"Oh sure, sure. When? Where?" Mew gave sign to Tong to tell him if the caller was Gulf

_"At 8 pm, i'll send the address to you, Sir. I hope i didn't mess up with your schedule"_

"It's okay. Let's meet there, the address i'll wait" He cut it

"He want to meet me, Tong" the happiness was shining from Mew's gazed

"When?"

"at 8 pm now"

"hey, it is 7.30 pm, you must hurry up"

Mew look at his watch, he take his step to left

"Mew, your key. Car's key!" Tong shouted waved the key

He back hurriedly, "Thanks" He giggled

Tong just shook his head and smiled.

At parking garage Mew met Run

"Hyung, I was late. Did you done already?"

"Tong, Tong still there. I have to go know, Run. Pray for me, I love you" He hurriedly closed the car's door and left Run

"What's wrong with him? Something came up? What the hell with "I love you"" Run sighed

Mew arrived late around 8.15 pm he just arrived at the restaurant that Gulf send him the address. He is manage his breath, and his shirt. He changed his t shirt, he need some clothes so he went bought it on his way, that's why he was late. He tried to looking for Gulf, and no need time he find him. Sat alone in the corner with white t shirt and green denim jacket.

"Did you wait long?" Mew asked when he stand in front of him.

Gulf starred at Mew, he smiled slightly,"No, Sir. Have a sit please" He is so polite toward Mew

****I arrived around 40 minutes ago, and i answered no** **

There is no words be spoken, the two of them just silent and busy with their thought. Mew just starred at table, and Gulf just starred at his hands under the table, he shakes his two foot

"hmm...."

"hmm...."

they are broke the awkward silences

"You go first" Mew's said

"This" Gulf gave a little paper bag, "Thank you for saving me that day, I'm sorry not to call you sooner. I need to make this perfect, but i think i didn't make it good enough like the other female students, I made it with my sister"

Mew open the bag, but Gulf stand up and left him. Before he left him, Mew grabbed his hand"I think we would dinner together, I didn't say anything yet, and you left me?"

Gulf look at his hand that grabbed his wrist

"Sorry" Mew loosen his hand

"I just want to make a two order for you too, Sir, because I have ordered before, it is okay the food is same with mine? Gulf answered softly

"Aahh..okay, it's okay"

Mew scratched his head although it's not itchy anywhere

****Stupid, why I must grabbed him. My voice like I angry with him. Why am i so stupid tonight?** **

Gulf comeback and starred to Mew

"I'm sorry, earlier... I think.."

"Oh never mind, me too I didn't tell you" He take a minute to ask, "Won't you try it, Sir?"

Mew forget about the paper bag. He reopen it, and take the box out of the bag, it is macarons. Mew take one macaron that have blue color, he starred at Gulf.

****Shit. I didn't know he have puppy eyes. I wanna so badly to caressing his head.** **

Gulf is waiting for Mew to try his macarons. He squeezed his lips. He like a child who want to be praised about his first food.

"How?" Gulf asked after Mew take his bite

"It's good, it's sweet. I like it, good job"

Gulf smiled slightly, "Good then"

****God, he is so cute. Tong, help me i think my heart will stop in second. I need you to do CPR** **

The waitress come to their table and serve the food.

"Thank you" said Mew to the waitress, "Can i ask something?" he asked Gulf after the waitress left

Gulf who is busy with the food immediately stop his moved,

"Don't call me Sir, i don't that old. Call me whatever, but not that and professor"

Gulf just do little nodding shyly

Mew gave him a ride to his condo, he even walk with him in front of the gate.

"Thank you very much" Gulf said. He didn't called him till the last minute of their meet up. He just don't know how to called him in closed way.

Mew giggled, "I want to you to called me in closed way someday if we meet again"

Yes, of course he wanna meet Gulf again someday, but he can't rise up his hope. So he said someday. "Okaay, i'll left now. Bye" He gave him little waved

****Shit i waved again to him** **

"uhm...Si..r.. I mean.."

Mew stopped and faced him, he laughed because Gulf still called him Sir

"Let's meet again soon" Gulf smiled so brightly

****Soon? Why i said it...Ears don't be red, wait me...** **

Mew just nodding and smiled

After that day, Gulf often take Mew's class. Whether it is just to see him, or serious studying. It's like new hobby for him to attend his classes. Gulf always used the back door of classroom and take the back chair, when he arrived he always gave Mew little waved and smiled. Mew responses it with a bright smile. Sometimes both of them get their lunch together outside the uni. Almost every day Mew will pick him up after his football practice, surely they do it silently. They are sneak out. Gulf didn't tell Techno yet, he will tell him later if this can be a good relationship.

Their journey as brother and friend are need a long time. Mew need enough time to come in Gulf's life, he considered all the worse about him. All information that he got from Tong very important to him to made a decisions or steps in this relationship.

Not Gulf nor Mew will named or shout out this relationship. They are just do what they wanna to do. Since they are together at much time, whenever they are in fight it will be influence their daily. Like today class, since morning Mew is in bad mood

"What's wrong? The students came to me and told me you are in bad mood" Tong asked when they are lunch together

"Fight, again" Mew's answered shortly

"Both of you what's your relationship? you did fight, flirt, hangout"

Run join on the same table with them, "Again? You will be fired, Hyung. Lately you are always in bad mood"

Tong patted Run's shoulder, "Don't tease him" He chuckled

"He ignored me, i asked him to grab some food at dinner but he play football with his friends without called me first" Mew tried to explain

Run and Tong didn't pay attention with those story, it's always like that lately. They are fought for nonsense reason.

"You two, didn't hear me?"

"Your phone ringing" Run said as he heard Mew's ringtone

"I'll go now" Mew get his dishes and stand up, "He asked me to get lunch" he chuckled

Run and Tong just shook their head, they didn't know at all, as someone who is smart as Mew can be a fool if it is come to love.

This evening Gulf can't take Mew's class, he just want to meet him. So he texted him, and wait him in front of the classroom.

"Lately, P'Mew smile so brightly, so handsome" said a girl

"That smile is for me" answered the other. They are started fought about his smile

Gulf who is heard that was annoyed, he pretend he was on phone. He passed by some girls who is still gossiping, "His smile is for me, so brightly"

Those girl was heard, "What's wrong with him"

****As soon as I see someone else getting close to you, I get jealous** **

****

****

****

"Did you told him?" Tong asked

"What?"

"What you want to do with him,that is impossible if it's just like this for a long time"

"I didn't, How can I?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm still climbing his wall, I should be careful with all his wound or trauma"

"But it was five months since your first met"

Mew nodding, "I know. I'll try my best "

After the final exam, Mew pick him up and give a ride to Techno's home

"Why do you need sleep there?" Mew asked without gazed on him, just focusing driving

"I promised to tutor him, why? Jealous?" Gulf giggled

Mew's hand coming to rest on his thigh, "I wanna say something" he paused a moment,"something important"

"Say it here"

"No, when we're arrived"

They are arrived in front oh Techno's home, they are still in the car. Mew gazed at Gulf so deeply

Without thinking he said "I like you for a long time, I fell for you and I'm still falling"

Gulf blinked his eyes, his lips are dried. He can't gather any words to answered him

Mew sighed, "Go, your friend wait you" He starred at another way

Gulf was go off from the car, "I.. I..." still he can't gather any words

"Answer me anytime, I'll go now. Bye" Mew just look at him in minute, then he closed the window and left him

"Ai'No" Gulf walk in with empty gazed

Techno grabbed his shoulders, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He panicked, because Gulf on his good behave lately. He think maybe someday he will do dangerous things, and then his friend come in with empty gazed.

Gulf sit, take a sip a water, and take a breath. As soon as he calm he told Techno without shout the name.

"So what's your answer?"

"I don't know.."

"Is he someone I know?"

Gulf didn't dare to answered it,"He is the one who help me that night"

"A guy??!" He shocked, "Is it the one who always come to pick you up?"

Gulf nodding

"Is he good?"

Gulf nodding

"Did him know what are you have been done?"

He paused a moment, "I think"

"Then say yes, you must try, aren't you?"

Gulf buried his face on pillow

"Gulf, look" He forced Gulf to faced him, "You deserved to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable"

Gulf closed his eyes. All their moments, Techno's advice are running in his head all at once...

It has one week

Gulf didn't called him,

But everyday in this one week he always tried to looking for Mew, Gulf afraid he will met him suddenly when he didn't have the answer yet

Mew too didn't dare to reached him. He was so busy with his business, in this one week, Run is the one who do all the teaching. He must attending so many meeting with his new clients

"Hello, Run" Said Mew through the phone

"Are you sick, Hyung?"

"hmm.." He coughed, "I think I can't attend to uni today, I didn't get enough slept for last three days"

"It's okay" Run paused, "Did you need I go to there?" Tong answered through Run's phone

"No, no, it's okay. I just need a rest"

"Alright, give me a call if you didn't get any better. And don't think the other thing" Tong knew, Mew told him that day.

"Hmm...bye"

His head are killing him, he have a high fever, and cough. He tried to called him, but he didn't have any strength anymore.....

"Hyung, we have visitor" Shouted Run to Tong, while the visitor just standing in front of the door

Tong look at to the door, "Oh, Gulf! Come in, it's okay this room just have the three of us. Come in"

Gulf come in hesitantly, he greet them politely

"Hey, I'm Run, their assistant" Said Run introduce himself

Gulf greet and wai at him

"Have a sit, Gulf" Tong sit in front of him

Gulf followed him

"Wanna drink?"

"It's okay,"

"Hyung, I must go now. I have to submit this file" Run waved his documents and got his belonging. Tong just nodding.

"So, what can I do for you?" Tong asked

"Umm.. I was.. I was looking for him at the whole week but..."

"Who? Mew?"

Gulf nodding, he squeezed his lips.

Tong get up and reach a note on Run's table, "He is busy with his other work" He is back to sit down in front Gulf. He wrote something on the note, "He was sick, he said didn't get enough slept for some days"

"He is sick?"

Tong starred at him, and nodding, "This, I wrote his address and code of his apartment so you can go in without waiting for him" Tong hand the note

Gulf read it

"Go, please take care of him. I wrote my number too if something bad happened just call me"

"Thank you, P'" He take his steps to left the room

"Gulf" Called Tong, Gulf faced him once again, "It's okay, he lived alone. His parent and his sister at their home. And can I say something?" Tong paused a moment, he gazed at Gulf,"Whatever your answer please stay beside him, for a brother or a friend maybe. He love you for a long time. Maybe he know you well without you asked him, he can give you his universe, or all you wanted, but I think he can't to be apart from you"....

Once again he kept received an advice. It's look like his head full of good words, he didn't know that good words are for him, or for Mew, or for their relationship. It's getting complicated in his head.

Gulf bought a porridge, and fruits on his way. He arrived at Mew's apartment, Gulf just come in like Tong said. First thing his eyes caught is Mew was laid on the floor unconsciousness.

"Mew!" He drop the food and run over to him, "Mew, wake up" He tried to wake him up but nothing respond, Gulf carried him to his bed. He get a water and towel to cool down his fever and clean him up.

Gulf called Tong by his phone,"P' I want to ask where is he kept the medicine?"

"The last drawer beside his bed. Is he okay, Gulf?"

"Yes, just need a medicine"

****I'm sorry he wasn't okay, but i don't want you come here. I'll tried my best** **

Gulf starred at him, sometimes he caressing his head, take care some hair on his face. He gazed him with so much love, how Mew tried his best in last five months, the way he always protect him without asked anything, Mew always wait Gulf to told him everything. He didn't want cross the line.

"I looked at you as a friend, as a brother until I realized, I love you" He touched Mew's cheek

"Sometimes I wonder, at how I can be so lucky to have you in love with me"

Gulf left him, and take care some documents, and clothes that was left anywhere

Mew wake up, he reached a wet towel on his forehead. He breath heavily. He tilted his head when he heard some noise. He walked to the source of the noise, and saw Gulf got hot water on his fingers. Mew immediately pulled his hand on stream down water.

Gulf smiled widely, "Are you awake?"

But Mew didn't smiled or look at him, "What are you doing here? You hurt yourself"

"I just.." His smiled faded away, "I just want to made a chamomile tea for you, I just reheat the porridge too"

Mew not looked happy with all his answer,"Sit down here, I can made it for myself" he raised his voice a bit

Gulf just silent and sit down beside the counter, he wait Mew done made the tea. He get up and get his bag, "I'll go"

Mew run over to him, and hugged him from behind, "Don't go, didn't you came here to take care of me?"

Gulf turn his body, and faced him, "But you looks not good when I'm here, even you yell at me"

Mew hugged him tightly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it"

"I don't like when others yell at me" He said softly

"Sorry"

"Let go of me"

"No, you would run"

"I won't. Let me check your fever"

Mew loosen his hug, but he still hold Gulf's left hand. The other one check his fever on his forehead, Mew smiled slightly.

"What are you smiling about? Let go my hand"

"Nope. Let's eat the porridge, I want eat the apples too, peel it off for me" He changed act so spoiled

They are just silent, Gulf busy with his duty of peel off the apples. Mew eat the porridge. He want to asked him so badly about the answer, but he didn't want Gulf will be run again.

"I finished it all" Mew showed his bowl

"Good boy" Gulf chuckled

Mew washed his dishes

Gulf stand up beside him, he starred at him

"What?" Mew asked

"Before you date me, you need to understand that I'm damaged"

Mew stopped, he starred back, "What do you mean? Is it mean yes?"

Gulf left him behind and lift his shoulders

Mew reached him, lift him, and twirled together

"Stop it, stop it. I'm dizzy" Gulf said while he looked down to Mew

Both of them laughed.

"You must get sleep now"

Mew still hugged him on the bed,"No, you will go"

"I didn't" Gulf take his medicine, "This drink it, so you will get better soon"

Mew shook his head cutely,"I have fine" but he coughed

Gulf hit his hand around his waist

"You hit me!"

"Take this, let's sleep after that"

"Would you slept with me? Hmm...? Please..."

Gulf nodding

Mew take the medicine happily

Both of them laid on the same bed, Mew still hugged him from behind

"Can I ask something?" Mew asked

"Hmm..."

"Can you turn over at me, I wanna look at you while I'm sleeping"

Without answer, Gulf turn over

Mew giggled

"What?"

He smiled. Mew kissed him on his lips slightly

"I don't want be infected by your fever" Gulf mumbled,and covered his lips "I get triggered easily, Mew. I have struggle with things. One day I won't talk to anyone, I'll shut you out"

Mew starred at him with the eyes that ready to do anything for him, even he ready to lost his world, "Look, Gulf. I will never be tired of you, never. Being together isn't just about the happiness, but the sorrow, the sadness, the sickness"

Gulf buried his face in his shoulder as he held him

****He sound like to proposed me** **

****

****

In the morning Mew who first wake up, he caressing Gulf's forehead. Sometimes he tease him by whispering at his ear.

"Good morning" He greet him as he opened his eyes

"Hmm..Good morning"

"Aren't you give me a morning kiss?"

Gulf pulled him, and Mew on top of his body. He smiled,"No kiss. I won't get infected"

"Then.... Let's do it"

"Do it what?!" Gulf blushed, his face and ears was red

Mew caressing his ears,"You said what, but you getting red. What's in your mind?"

"Don't tease me, you need go to uni"

Mew shook his head, "Run will be manage everything" He started to kissed his neck

"Hmm...Mew.."

He ignore his called, Mew kissed all over his cheeks, lips, nose, forehead. But Gulf didn't reacting, he didn't kissed him back, he clenched so tightly, his hand were so red

 _It's too much pleasure when he kissed me, I enjoyed it. I like it. It's look like I'll get addicted by his kiss._ In minute the pleasure changed, suddenly Gulf remember how he is being raped. The disgust, the forced, the pain, he felt it all over the body when Mew touch and kissed him. Gulf closed his eyes, clenched tightly, and can't breath normally

"Gulf, it's me. Open your eyes, it's me" He tried to hold his clenched, while he touch Gulf's face

He breath heavily. He sweating a lot.

He need time to get at himself, Gulf opened his eyes slowly while he heard Mew called his name so softly, the way he caressing his hand made him realized that Mew is not bad person.

"Sorry, I didn't know... I mean I won't forced you. I won't do it again" He tried to get up

"No, no" Gulf wrap his hands around Mew's neck, "Keep trying, I want feels you inside me"

Mew blinked heard those words. He tried his best, he kissed him again and again. His neck, his ears, his faced. It's not easy, several times Mew need to hold back and called Gulf when he started can't breath normally.

Mew need some time to get Gulf to hold his hair like now. He is hold Mew's hair every inch he kissed him

"Hmm..." ****I could have every single inch of your body pressed tight against mine and I'd still said "**** Closer, come closer" Said Gulf in the middle his moaning. His hands tried to unbuttoning Mew's pajamas.

Mew still kissed him, leaving the bite mark on his chest, while he kept grinding his on Gulf's

"Aah..hmm..."Gulf not that vocal but when he moaning it's made Mew can't endure it

"I can't hold it anymore" He whispered on Gulf's ear

Gulf chuckled. He didn't answered it, but his hands answered correctly. Gulf reached Mew's, he give his thing massages through his pajamas.

"Shit! How dare...you...tease me.." Mew feels the most pleasure

"I didn't know you can said bad word"

"Gu..lf..hmm.." Mew grabbed his hand, "You can't touch it again" He back to grinding on Gulf's

"Faster..." He wrapped his hand on Mew's head, he whispered, "Fasterr... hmm..."

"It's just through our clothes and you want it faster? Did you want it that much"

Gulf can't answered again, he get so much pleasure just from Mew's grinding him

"Give me your hand, Mew. Down here.."

"No! I'll prepare you, you can't touch it" He tried insert his fingers one by one in Gulf's

"Fuck... hmm..."

He kept adding and trust him by his fingers

"Pleaasee... just do.. it" Gulf begged him, "With yours"

How can Mew will be resist with those different Gulf, he kept moaning, kept said bad words, and kept shakes his waist up and down

"I'll start it" He insert it slowly, and Gulf moaning it's more sexy than before

"Shit! It's hurt.. You said will do it slowly"

"But you like it right? Yours squeezed me so hard"

"Mew, you getting bigger" Gulf's open widely

He chuckled,"It's so good inside you" He whispered on Gulf's ear, and licked it. He kissed him passionately, while he kept thrust in him. Mew teased Gulf by do it slowly

"Don't tease me... please.. faster"

"As your pleasure, babe" He chuckled while saw Gulf begged so desperately

"Aahh...hmm..Mew, mine touch it" His hand almost reached his thing

"No, let it be" Mew grabbed his hand, and linked their fingers, "Until you come because you feels mine"....


	8. Finally Found You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you.... sure about him?"  
> "Me? No" He shook his head, "I never sure about him or this relationship"

They are still covered with sheets on the white bed, crossed their leg on each other. Gulf wearing undone white shirt that is Mew's shirt, while leaning on Mew's shirtless. Gulf have been done told him about his past and his trauma, and Mew didn't said anything, he just comforted him by hugged him, and Gulf leaning on him. His right hand on Gulf's chest and patted him softly. Sometimes he kissed Gulf's head lightly, he didn't get any words that can comfort him more than this. After heard all those horrible things, what's supposed Mew to do, he felt bad, he felt his anxiety, he felt his traumatic just by hearing his tremble voice, his cold palm, and his difficult breath. He did his best to told him, he finished it with every struggle.

"So...." Gulf paused a moment and looked at Mew, "Are we still together?"

"Of course" Answered him instantly, "Why are you thinking like that?"

He back leaning on Mew, "Nope..I never depends someone before, after that incident with her. I don't like depending on people, because they are leave all the time"

"You can depends on me, I've said before, right? That I never will be bored or tired with you and I never leave you" He hugged him tightly

Gulf is just like this, he always smiled widely when Mew hug him. He is not romantic person who will hug back his beloved one, he will enjoy it with his smile, or he will just patted his back hand

"So... Did your friends come here often?"

"Who? Tong and Run?"

Gulf just nodding

"Yes, especially Tong. Why? Is he the one who gave you my address, right?"

"Hmm... I called him to asked where your medicine, and he answered correctly"

"What's it, are you jealous or what?" Mew chuckled, "I have been friend with him for a long time, since first year of bachelor if it is not wrong. He knew everything about me from past until now, he knew about you too"

"Hah?!" Gulf shocked, "Everything?" He sit properly and look at Mew, "How?"

"Everything from the start I said to him that I like you, then about your incident, about me who got closed to you"

"About me..." He is hesitate

"Beaten by a man? About that night I help you? He is knew all of it, he is the one who inform it all about you. He is my best informant" Mew laughed, "He is closed with his students, he has some friends too at club field, so he can got any information"

Gulf looked worried about it, he lean his back on pillows, "How long?"

"What?"

"You...like me"

Mew tried to remember, "At first time I saw you in the cafetaria, you with her and your friend, wearing football t shirt. What time is that?"Mew pulled him in his hold

"That's so long" He looked at Mew

He smiled proudly, "So, Don't worry, Tong is my best friend and you're my beloved one"

"So cheesy"

They are laughed

"Thanks for waiting me to told you everything without ask me first, thanks for loving me when I still tasted of war with myself"

Mew didn't answered it, he just kissed Gulf's nose slightly

Gulf feels need to tell Techno about this. Yesterday he didn't called him if he can't came to football practice. No, it's not on purpose. When he together with Mew, he will forgot another things. He even forgot to charge his phone, he forgot if he have appointment with Doctor Champ, he forgot everything just like that. Just because he was with Mew.

"Where are you have been, Dude?" Techno bumped to him, "I was called you for a million times"

"Sorry I was forgot to charge my phone"

"You... where are you? You didn't at home either, don't you?" He answered suspiciously

"How did you know?"

"I went to your condo. And this shirt, I don't think you have this one"

"Seriously, you're asked to much, No" Gulf left him behind

Techno grabbed him,"Tell me, what happened? Are you do weird things again?"

Gulf so piss off, "I'll tell you, don't be late at doctor Champ. If you late, I won't never ever tell you"

"Why must at his office?"

"I didn't made it yesterday, I forgot everything"

Techno laughed hardly, "Something really happened then"

"Done already?" Tong asked while they are met accidentally at their way to their office

Mew just smiled happily

"So, now I can call him my younger brother, right?" Said Run

Mew just gave him a death glare

"Okay.. okay" He raised his hands, "I don't dare call him like that"

Tong just giggled heard those two

"This evening, do you come to your hospital?" asked Mew

"Hmm... Why?"

"I'll give you a ride, I want go to there"

"Why should I go with you if I bring my own car?"

"Oh... I think you didn't, I think Run who give you ride"

"I want!! Please give me a ride" Run intrude

"Do you want go to hospital?" Asked Mew

"Yes, I wanna see Tong Hyung's office too. And I want to see your boyfriend too" He chuckled

Mew just looked at Tong, and Tong just shook his head

"What's bring you go to there?"

"He have appointment with Champ yesterday, and he forgot. So I want to take him there, and he want to introduce me to his friend"

"Ohoo... this relationship is getting deep" Tong teased him

Gulf arrived first at Champ's office, he let Mew go with his friends to Tong's office. Champ greet him happily. He always looks happy whenever Gulf come to his office with a bright smile, and his happy aura. Lately Gulf always look like that, whenever he done his counseling, the result are good. His stable emotion, good condition, and the way he slowly opened his bad memory to released the pain

"I'm sorry, I didn't called you yesterday. I really really forgot"

Champ laughed slightly,"It's okay, have a sit" He started to check Gulf condition, the blood pressure, his heartbeat, his breath. "Can I tell you something?" He tried to invite him in conversation while his stethoscope on Gulf's chest

"Yes, what's it? Something bad happened?"

"Lately you're in a stable and good condition. Something happened? This condition make easier for treatment"

Gulf just smiled. He knew very well what it is the reason.

"I think I have found my natural drug of all my anxiety. It's him"

After said those word, someone open the door and made them look at that way

"Oh, Mew" Champ looks surprised when Mew was entering his room, "What's bring you to come here?" He gave slight hug

"How have you been? It's a long time, right" Mew gave shoulder patted on him, "I'm coming here with him" Mew looked at Gulf

"What do you mean?"

"I'm his boyfriend"

Champ's surprised didn't stopped there. A second after Mew said it, someone opened the door and shouted his name

"Champ... I'm....." Techno paused when he saw Mew was beside him, "What are you..." He take his steps closer to Mew, "I mean... How..."

"You are late, No!" said Gulf

"Your friend?" Mew looked at Gulf and he nodding, "I have heard about you" He greet Techno

Techno didn't knew how he supposed to act. He still didn't believe what he saw. That person who always been admired by everyone standing in front of him, patted Gulf's shoulder, looked at him, and talked at him nicely.

"So... Are you... his... and Gulf... are" Techno can't gather the words

"Please have a sit over there, I want start my job. So you guys can chit chat enjoyably" Champ break Techno's curiosity

Techno have time to asked so many questions to Mew about what he was saw before. He acted so polite towards him, but Mew just giggled and asked him to act comfortably. He asked about Gulf, about Champ, about their relationship. He asked carefully, he afraid that his question will made him uncomfortable, but unexpected Mew so relax and answered all Techno's question

"Hmm...Sorry for disturb both of you" Champ suddenly get up and looked at them, "But, can you come here, Mew? I think you can help him"

Without asked Mew come closer to Gulf and sit down beside him. He hold Gulf's hands. He hold it without Champ asked to do. Whoever who looked at both of them will be thinking if they are have been in relationship in long years.

Techno looked at Mew from a far, the way he looked into Gulf's eyes is so different, the way he grabbed his hands looks like he won't let that hands go. His eyes shown so much love, attentive, and attraction toward Gulf. Techno never seen that whether he was surrounded by females students nor he was with his friends.

" _Maybe this is called destiny, and love. The universe take its part to unite them who have been apart"_

_"Maybe he will struggled enough to hold Gulf, but I think he is the right one for him. God, please let them be happy, let my friend heal his bad memories with unexpected love from that person"_

After his session, Champ asked Gulf and Techno to go out first. He want to talked about Gulf's condition with Mew, because Mew was declared he is Gulf's guardian since Gulf never bring his parent with him.

"I'll tell you everything, from the start, the possibility, and the worse. I want you to prepare yourself" Said Champ at the same time he take out some documents

"Go ahead. I'll hear you first then I'll ask later"

Champ understand it, he just nodding while his eyes gazed on that documents

"I've been with him for along time, I think you knew it well" Champ started, Mew just nodding, "At first I diagnosed him PTSD with all his symptoms a negative thoughts about himself, hopelessness, self-destructive. Did you know about the way he destructed himself?"

Mew nodding, his face looks different. Full of worries.

"PTSD symptoms may start within one month of a traumatic event, but sometimes symptoms may not appear until years after the event. And I never saw his symptoms about his traumatic, I just saw the others like I said before" He paused, "These symptoms cause significant problems in your relationships. I afraid if you not strong enough to hold him, he will hurt you too"

"Please continue, I'll answer you later"

Champ breath heavily, "But later, I found out. That he is not PTSD, he is BPD. Those two things have similarity it's all about past traumatic, but for BPD the mood swings like feels threatened or fears abandonment, the response could look the exact same way. Gulf has it. He triggered so easily and intense"

"And the worse things..." He paused, He looked at Mew. And he never seen that expression, it's look like he the one who fell down deeply, "His emotional memory brings the past into the present as if it was happening right now. Maybe right now he didn't have suicidal thoughts but later this is can be happen"

What should Mew do with all those information, he didn't knew that Gulf has bad condition, he just knew his smile, laugh, voice. He just can hug him without know that Gulf in much pain. Mew blamed himself in his thought.

"Mew..." Called Champ to wake him up from his thought

"I don't know.... I didn't knew he is in serious condition. Is this can be healed?"

"Depends on Gulf, its maybe take some time. It's okay, it's not your fault, don't blame yourself"

"I saw it" Mew looked at Champ, "His symptoms from his traumatic. He can't breath, he clenched his fist strongly until you can see his skin redden, his chest hurt, he had cold sweat"

"Is it getting worse later?"

"No, I must wake him up. To get himself back. Then it will be repeated when he told me about his past or when I tried to make up with him"

"Right now, are you okay? You didn't looked good, Mew" Champ asked when he gazed at Mew, he looks like will throw up in second, he was so pale.

"So, is he who helped you?"

"Hmm..."

"Is he who spent the night with you?"

"Hmm..."

"Don't just "hmm" me, Tell me about him"

"He is good"

"Gulf!!" Techno shouted

Gulf laughed

"He was sick yesterday, so I went there"

"Tell me about him, not about yesterday"

"Okay... okay" Gulf still laughed, "He is good, so good that made me feels I didn't matched with him" He looked at Techno

"Gulf..."

He smiled, "But Mew always make sure that God was planned him for me. He always make me feels home when I'm with him"

"Are you.... sure about him?"

"Me? No" He shook his head, "I never sure about him or this relationship"

Techno just gave him gazed of empathy, he silent and wait Gulf finished his words

"Mew too, he didn't sure about me at first. But, you know what, No? He is the one who fell in love first with me"

"So, you will try your best right?"

Gulf smiled and nodding,"Of course. I like him. I wish he strong enough to hold me"

"Promise me!" Techno waved his pinky finger in front of Gulf, "Promise me you won't break up with him"

Gulf hesitate, "I can't promise something like that, Ai'No"

"He will take care of you, he will hold you no matter how many times you will fall. So promise me, that you will hold onto him too tightly"

Finally he linked his own pinky finger on Techno's. But we never know the future, we never know that Gulf in the future must be break the promise


	9. The Sweet Candy Has Over

Their journey was so long way. Gulf didn't take his treatment again like before, because he can control his emotion better nowadays. He can feel ease whenever he can hear Mew's voice. He just feels simple, even he has a difficult time, in the hardest feeling. Because he never questions himself if it's worth it, he just knows that having him is the best thing in his life. Gulf was felt safe, warm and home whenever Mew hugged him.

It has 2 years from the first time Gulf permitted to date him. So many obstacles in this long way, but they are succeeding through all of it. One thing that never changed from the beginning, that Gulf never be want to publish the relationship. He even never wants if Mew holds his hand in public, mainly in uni. He never wants if Mew said about their relationship in front of females students, although Mew wants so badly to told the world that he belongs to Gulf.

It's Gulf's decision, but sometimes he will get triggered, jealousy, anger, and anxiety if Mew got so much attention from the others. He will easily sulk at him, he even won't talk to him in two days or more. Those made Gulf had duality.

Now Gulf was graduated from uni, he had a job as a negotiator at one of Mew's company. He never knew that it is Mew's company until he met Mew in the first meeting, Mew either he didn't know about it although they are talked about it every time. Gulf is the best negotiator, all his projects are successful, he is so smart. In 5 months Mew's company's stock increase because of him. New investors are looking for him, and gave their best investment. How proud Mew is. He always talked about Gulf's achievement to Tong, Run, and his employees, he praised him like no other day for tomorrow.

But life is not always like sweet candy or cotton candy, right? Sometimes life was like a box of chocolate you never know what you are gonna get. The bitter will be coming in the middle of sweetness

"So, you won't dine with me again?" Mew asked while he driving

"Hmm.." Gulf just nodding while he scrolled up his phone's screen

"Oh, Seriously. Can you pay attention to me for a while?"

Gulf saved his phone immediately in his pocket, he looked at Mew. His fingers are playing on Mew's backhand

"Why are you so often to go out with your co-workers for dinner?"

"I didn't, yesterday we had dinner with your friends, Mew"

"I want just two, with you"

Gulf sighed, "I live with you, I sleep with you, I had breakfast with you every day"

"It's not enough" He just mumbled. Mew pulled his hand.

_Shit. He is sulking again just because of a dinner_

"Let's dinner together tomorrow, okay? I'll prepare everything, but for today let me dinner with them"

He didn't answer. He parked his car on the side road, "Hurry up, they will see me" Mew gazed at his employees

Gulf just shook his head, while packed his documents. He knew this person is sulk to him, even he didn't look at Gulf.

"I'll go"

"..."

"I'll really go, now" He is tried to get Mew's attention

"..."

_Shit. This shit boyfriend_

Gulf gave up, he just closed the door and Mew didn't give a single word, he just passed him

"He is so old enough to sulk just over dinner time, what's wrong with him" He talked with himself. He tried to send him a messages

_Drive safely, don't forget to pick me up after dinner. Will see you again later_

_"_ Are you kidding me, Mew? He just read my LINE, and didn't reply. Why I can live with him" Gulf sighed several times to release his bad mood before entering the office

After he sends Gulf to his office, Mew met up with Champ. Lately, Mew always met with Champ just to discuss Gulf's condition. He told Champ everything, very detailed, because Gulf didn't want to take his session again

"What's wrong?" Champ asked while he looked at Mew giggled alone with his phone

"I really like to sulk at him" Mew take a cup of tea from Champ's hand

"Don't do that often, he is younger than you, maybe he thinks you are annoying" Champ smiled slightly

Mew just laughed, "I love him, that's why I'm annoying"

"Uuhh... I can't get used with this side of you"

They are laughed

"I think he gets better because of you Mew, not because of my medicines"

Mew looked at Champ, he put his cup of tea on the table. He looks serious now.

"It's so long time since his last session, what do you think? Is he cured already? His symptoms never recurred, he never triggered that bad like before"

Champ shook his head, "It is not that easy to heal. Just because his symptoms didn't show it's didn't mean he was cured, Mew. He is like a bomb, we didn't know what's time he will explode, or which action that will hurt him"

"So... He still needs much time?"

Champ nodding, "Take it easy, as long as you always beside him I think will be fine for him"

"I always with him, but I don't know when, how he will feel his insecure"

"Call me whenever if you feel something not right with him. You have me and Tong"

Like Gulf said before, today they have their dinner together. Even Gulf back to home early by himself and prepared for Mew's shirt. Tonight Gulf was driving, he didn't say anything about their destination, Mew too didn't get any answered from him

"Didn't you said we will have dinner together?" Mew asked confusedly

"Yep"

"So, where we going now?!"

"Wait a minute, we have closed"

"Restaurant?"

"Mew!!"

"Okay, alright" He shut up his mouth, "I just asked and he shouted at me" He murmured alone

Without Mew knowing, their car was successfully parked.

"We have arrived"

Mew looking around, "Whose house it is?"

"Let's go" Gulf get out from the car first

"Wait" Mew grabbed Gulf's hand before he stepped in his foot, "Didn't you said just two of us?"

Gulf just smiled.

Mew heard someone coming, he is really curious.

"Oh, Gulf. You're home"An old lady opened the door

Mew's eyes open widely

"Mom!" Gulf rush in and hugged her tightly

_Shit. He never talked about this before, and now I meet his family. Gulf. Do you want to give me a heart attack?_

"Come in, the food will get cold" Her warm eyes looked at Mew, "Your friend too"

Mew just wai-ed her. He grabbed Gulf's hand once again, "How you do this to me? I just wear a usual shirt, and I didn't bring anything"

"Calm down. I have said I'll be the first to bring you home, because I wanna be your first too. Not just you who can fell in love first with me" He whispered. Gulf take Mew's hand and forced him to come in. Mew just let him lead the way.

Gulf's mom, dad, and his sister already gather in the dining room. Mew wai-ed them politely. They are just smiled and asked Mew to join with them

"Dad, Mom this is Mew. He is...." Gulf paused

"Let's eat first, we can talk later" his dad answered immediately

Mew tried his best to control his heartbeat, he tried to sit and eat comfortably. He talked like ever been here for a long time.

_Oh, God. I feel so hot today_

He covered by sweat although Gulf's house has an air conditioner.

"Are you okay?" Gulf's asked while the two of them finishing wash the dishes,

"You look pale, and sweating"

Mew sighed, he washed his hands, "I can't digest my food properly. My stomach is hurt, it is so hot here"

Gulf chuckled, "You are just nervous" he tried to wipe Mew's sweat

"What they will say?"

Before Gulf answered, his mom coming and called Mew, "Let's talk, Son. We will wait for you in Gulf's room"

"Mom, how about me?"

"Help Grace to prepare the fruits"

"Mom..."

She just walked away, and Mew followed her.

"Everything will be okay, Mom and Dad won't kill him!" Said Grace from the dining room

"But..." He sat beside her

"Help me peel this, he will be okay. Believe me"

Gulf's dad already there. They are sat on Gulf's bed, while Mew sat on a chair in front of them. He just looking down and can't gather the words.

_This burden feeling more strong than my seminar with professors. Seem I want to get their permission to marry him_

Mew tried to get hold himself and tried to start the conversation

"I don't know.. What should I say, Mom, Dad"

_Shit, my voice has trembled_

They are just smiled slightly and warm. They seem so prepared with this, and already knew that this will be happen

"We know about your relationship with our son" Said Gulf's father. "Champ already told everything to us, but not your name, or your face" He starred at his wife, and Gulf's Mom get up to get a water

"Drink this. I think you will faint" Teased her

He drank it like he didn't get water for a week.

_This is more relax now_

"Champ told us how you treat him very well, how you take care of him, how you can get his trust so easily. Gulf didn't tell anything about his treatment or trauma to us, but he can tell you everything" Gulf's Father continued

"I just... I just try to know him by my method, I didn't force him or asked him about something he hates. I didn't do anything"

"I used that method but never work" Gulf's Father teased him. Mew just smiled slightly. His burden feeling has disappeared now little by little. Their warmness made him feel ease.

"It's okay, we won't against you. You can calm down now. But we have one condition that may be hard for you"

Mew just wait Gulf's Father finished his words

"Don't break up with him, if you really need to break up. Please consider it again. He has changed in a good way, he so much better with you"

Mew smiled, "I won't, I won't break up with him. I won't leave him too even he asks to break up first"

_This answer never changes, and I'll keep my word_

"Come here" Said Gulf's Mom opened her arms ready to hug him

Mew come closer and hugged her

"Welcome home, son"

This sentence is very warm, the warm covering all over Mew's body and heart.

"Let's go, he waits for you in front of the door," Said her

They are walked together, Mew and Gulf's Father come out first then his Mom

"Are you waiting here?" Asked Mew first time saw him

"How...?"

Mew smiled

"What?" His Dad answered, "Let's playing chess, Mew"

"Dad..."

His Mom come out

"Mom, how?"

"He is so handsome, and rich" She whispered then giggled

"Mom... tell me, what are you talking about, and how is it going?"

"Did you help your sister? Why are you standing there?"

Gulf didn't have any choice, there is no one told him about the talk, Mew too, just walked away with his Father.

Gulf is waiting for them to finish their game, he kept looking at the time. After their finished first round of playing chess, Gulf come to Mew

"Let's go home, it's already late"

"You can stay, Gulf. Both of you" Grace answered for him

"But he has morning meeting tomorrow"

"It's okay, stay here. You can still catch up if you wake up early, right?"

Gulf starred at Mew. He doesn't want him uncomfortable

"It's up to you," He said

Gulf hesitates. Suddenly his mom gave a pair of pajamas to Gulf

"Mom already gave you, so you can't refuse"

Gulf sighed, "Alright. We will take a rest first then"

"Don't you want to tell me about what you have talked with my parent?" Gulf asked while he drying his hair

"Not much, everything okay"

Gulf just shook his head and sighed, "You and my parents are the same. It's annoying"

Mew just laughed

Gulf laid down beside him. Mew still checking his phone and didn't give him attention

"Do you still need to check your work?"

"Hmm..." He keeps scrolling his phone's screen, "You should sleep first"

Gulf change his position, he turns his back, "How can I supposed to sleep if you not" He mumbled

Mew heard it. He smiled slightly. He just want to tease him, he didn't have any work left. He finished all his work, just because Gulf asked him to dinner together. He placed his left hand under Gulf's neck. He kissed Gulf's head. He hugged him, and put his right hand on Gulf's waist

"Let's sleep, good night"

Gulf smiled, he holds Mew's left hand. And he felt Mew's right hand on his waist. Gulf really likes it when his hand an over his waist, it's so matched like a puzzle, and he feels safe when Mew did it.

Since they are always sleeping on the same bed, Gulf can't sleep alone, he can't sleep if Mew not beside him. Usually he will wait for Mew back from work on the couch, then he sleeps with him. Mew too he never let Gulf waiting so long for him, he never comes back late. Because he knew, he is like drugs for Gulf, as long as Mew was around, Gulf can control himself properly, he can sleep without taking any sleeping pills. So, Mew always manages to go home on time.

In a few days, Gulf always sees his co-workers always gather on one table, and talked some stuff that he didn't get interested in it. But now he tried to ask about it, he just curious what they are talked about.

"Why they always gather like that?" He asked his friend who sat beside him

"Oh, them? They are talked about our CEO" First answered

"Our CEO? Why?"

"Ow... Didn't you know about it?"

Gulf shook his head

"Come here, I'll show it to you" both of them move to First's table. He shows Mew's picture on his desktop

"When and what is it?"

"Hmm..." He tried to remember, "If we count this day may be over 2 weeks? Promotion team said, he just replaced the male model"

_Two weeks. And I just know it now. He didn't tell anything_

"Why he should do that?" Gulf's voice shuddered

"The model was sick back then, he suddenly not feeling well and have to check at the hospital. It takes a long time, so our CEO did it"

_It is just work, Gulf. Control yourself. Just work_

"And did you know?" First continued, "They are sometimes going out together, lunch or just walk. Just because our CEO is not an artist and he has a big company the reporters didn't follow him anywhere. But..." He stopped a moment to show Gulf's something

_He has a reason, surely. It just works._

He repeatedly said that word in his mind. He pinched his chest, suddenly he feels pain, his breath begins short, he can feel his sweat rolling down from head to his neck, he starts to feel uncomfortable.

"Look... She posting all their photo on her SNS, she said she interest in him, she praised him all over on media, and her fans shipped them. Our CEO got so many followers because of her. Actually they are good together. Imagine that they are getting married, have their children. Their children definitely have their visual"

Gulf's symptoms are getting worse. He can't breathe, he clenched tightly.

_I didn't bring my drugs_

"I need to go to the toilet," He said hurriedly

"Gulf...are you okay?" First tried to follow him

\---------------The monsters in my head always knew that I would lose you-----------------


	10. Solitary Voyage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've never had anyone love me the way that you do, or care for me the way that you do. I'm afraid that this might be just a dream, and I can't find you in reality. And that your love is too good to be true for trash like me"
> 
> "You're not trash, you are a beautiful creature, you are my beloved one"

"Did you tell him?" Tong questioned him

Mew just shook his head

"It's over 2 weeks, and you didn't tell him anything?"

"But, I didn't do anything wrong"

Tong scroll his screen phone and showed it to him, "Look! She said everything she wants on her SNS and media. Your photos with her are spread on media. Don't you think Gulf won't know it?"

He just looked at Tong's phone

"Yes, I and the others will believe you if you didn't do anything wrong. But, he is different" He paused, "Do you want me to tell you the worse things about this disorder? I think Champ explains it very well"

"I know. I just... I want to tell him, but I never get the right time. Like, he always in a good mood, and I didn't want to ruin it"

"I hope everything gonna be okay. You should explain it to him"

Tong keeps nagging him every day about this. Everyone knows about these issues, his students too. Sometimes they will be asked how is his relationship between him and her. Mew just answers bluntly that he never in a relationship with her, in these circumstances he is so badly want to answer that he in a relationship with someone else. But, he always kept his word to not say anything about it.

"If something happens..." he paused his sentences while his phone ringing. He answered immediately.

"Why, Gulf? Did something wrong?"

Gulf never called him in the morning when they are busy with their work, he will call him when about to lunch, or evening to pick him up. And vice-versa.

 _"Mew"_ He answered with a weird voice

"What's happened?" He looks worried just by hearing his voice. Tong and Run look at him.

_"I'm at home. I'm sick"_

"Hah? I'll go home now, wait for me. Don't do anything" He hurriedly get his jacket and car key

"What's wrong?" Tong asked in the middle

"He is sick, and now he at home. Please manage all my works, maybe I can't do teaching tomorrow. I'll tell you later" He explains to Run, "I'll go now"

This is the most worrying thing for Mew when Gulf suddenly sick. He is afraid if Gulf will feel the pain, he can't handle it if something bad happens to him, he can't imagine it. Never, he never imagines that.

Mew arrived at his apartment. He rushes in to go to his bedroom, and he finds Gulf under the sheet

"I'm home," he said softly to wake him up

Gulf opens his eyes and stared at him, "You are back. So fast" He giggled

"Are you okay? Let's go to the hospital" He placed his hand on Gulf's forehead, caressing him.

Gulf grabbed Mew's hand, "I'm okay, I just take your pills to cool down my fever"

Mew feels relief. He can breathe now. It's like he holds his breath on his way home. Mew hugged him while Gulf just laid down and caressing Mew's head.

"What's wrong?" Gulf asked

"Why are you asked like that? I can't think straight when you said if you are sick" He answered, still hug him

_Me too. I can't think straight when I saw that news about you, and you didn't tell me anything until now_

"It's okay now"

"Wanna eat something? I can cook for you, or better I buy it" Mew sit down properly and looked at him

Gulf shook his head, "Come here, sleep with me" He patted the bed beside him. Mew followed Gulf's want and laid beside him. Mew hugged him, and Gulf placed his head on Mew's chest.

"Something happens at work? How you can sick suddenly, you were fine before"

Gulf just shook his head softly

"Did you take your medicine?"

Gulf nodding, "Let me sleep. My head hurts"

_Don't you want to say anything to me? Please say something before I ask you_

Mew just patted Gulf's head. He closed his eyes. He feels Gulf's warm breath on his chest. _He is sick. Why so suddenly, is it because of me, because of that issues? I want to tell him now, but how if he getting worse then?_

It's can't be end soon if both of them hold their urge and didn't want to say it first. In their silence they are just want to protect each other but in the wrong way.

Gulf sits beside the counter and waiting for Mew who preparing dinner. Gulf keeps staring at Mew's back. In his head he imagines the worst thing that can happen. What if this is the last thing they can do together.

"Gulf... Did you hear me?" Mew's voice wakes him up from his thought

"Hmm... What?"

"Listen to me, I'll tell you something"

Gulf was prepared for this, he gazed at him. But when Mew just about to say something, someone rang their house's bell

"Did you invited someone?" Mew asked

"Techno and your friends" He answered. He stood up and open the door for them

 _Bad timing. May be tomorrow_ _or later_

Gulf wants to meet his family. He is better now than before, he just didn't talk much like usual. Mew give him a ride to his home, he was met Gulf's family too. But he can't stay longer, Mew just wants to give a private time to Gulf.

"I'll tell you if I want you to pick me up, I want to stay here a little longer. And maybe I'll go to Techno's tomorrow" Gulf explained before Mew left him

Mew nodding, "Take care. Don't forget to give me a message" He hugged Gulf, and caressing his back

Gulf gives Mew his best smile until now he didn't get any word from him. There is something that he should do now without Mew around him.

Mew organize his belonging in a big box. He makes it clear and nothing left on his desk. He spent more than 3 days to make this decision when Gulf has his private time, he prepared everything for this decision.

"Hyung, what are you doing?" Run asked when he sees Mew's desk empty

"Where is Tong?"

Run looked at the door and in second Tong coming

"Maybe this week is my last to do the teaching"

"Why?" Run questioned him

Tong just wait for him to explain everything

"I'll give my resignation letter to our professor, I'll finish all my task this week. I wan to spend more time with Gulf, I feel like I don't have much time for him"

"Is this your final decision?" Tong asked

Mew nodding, "Hmm..."

"Is it because he was sick at that time?"

"No. I just... I just feel something bad was happening, but Gulf didn't want to tell me. So I want to try to spend more time with him"

Run and Tong gazed him in silence. Since he is in a relationship Mew was changed, he becomes more patient, more aware to the others, Gulf especially.

"Hyung, someone here to looking for you"

"Who? Gulf?" He hurriedly put the documents in his hand

"Peach. The student message me, she was waiting for you in your morning class" Run explained

Mew paused his step, he closed his eyes and sighed. Just heard her name make him very annoyed.

"I can go if you don't want to meet her," said Tong

"No, I'll go. I'll tell her to stop coming here"

Run and Tong followed him. From afar they can see some students are surrounding her in front of the class, it's made very crowded.

"Oh, Mew! She shouted when see Mew walked toward her

Mew didn't give her a shit. He didn't smile, he looks so annoyed, "What's bring you here? This is not your place to play around" He nagging her by whispering

"I didn't play around, I just want to meet you. I miss you" She smiled brightly, then hugged him

The students were cheering for them, they are taking a picture by their phone. If Mew didn't consider her future job, he wants to push her hardly. Mew just endure it. Mew didn't want to ruin her pride in front of everyone.

Mew tried to call Techno, it is have been four days he can't reach Gulf. The last messages Gulf send to him is two days ago, he said he was with Techno

"Are you with him?" he even didn't greet Techno

"Who? Gulf? No, I met him two days ago. Why?"

"His number can't be contacted, I have been looking for him for four days. I think he was with you"

"Two days ago, I'm with him a whole day, then at 8 pm he said he went home because you were waiting for him"

"What?" Mew started to raise his voice, he is shocked

"Did you call his parents?"

"..."

"Hey"

"How can I call them? They are will be worried, and they think we're had a fought"

"Okay, I'll call them. How about his condo?"

"I'm on my way go there"

"I'll call you later. Keep turn on your phone"

This is the first time he can't think straight, he just worried if Gulf will do something bad. He didn't think this will happen, first, he was sick suddenly, then he asked to go home and met his parents, then he met Techno, and now he can't be found everywhere. His phone was shut off, he even didn't call or send Mew a message.

His phone ringing. He answered it without checking the caller, "How is it going? Did you find him?"

Just heard the voice, Mew knows he is Tong, "No. What should I do?"

"Where are you now?"

"In front of his condo. Tong, please ask your friends or whatever, ask them if they ever saw him"

Tong heard Mew's voice desperate, trembling, crying. Just by heard his voice make Tong hurt, "Calm down, we will find him. I have asked everyone. Do you need me to go there?"

"It's okay. Thanks"

He tried to calm down himself before he opens the door, Mew praying and hope Gulf will be slept on his bed wear his football t-shirt, and he forgot to turn off the television like he always does while waiting for him. But when he opened the door the first thing he notices the lamps are turned off, it means Gulf isn't inside. He turns on the lamps. He is shocked. his breath choked. He could not close his mouth. His heart throbbed.

The condo was messy, his clothes, his books, his medicines, and the broken of glass. All of them are on the floor. It's looked this condo was robbed. Mew walks toward Gulf's bed, the television is still on. There is something play on, he sees it carefully. It's hurt his chest, the tears are rolling on his cheeks. There is Gulf on that video, that video is about he being raped by his friend. He is kneeling down and cried harder. He can't breathe. He tried to calm himself, but he can't.

He is angry, hurt, and sad. He punched a mirror beside Gulf's bed. He screamed. No, not because his hand is covered by blood, but he screamed in pain from his heart. He turns off the video and saved the file in his pocket. He hurriedly comes out from his condo.

"Hyung...How...." Run paused when he sees Mew's hand is covered by blood, "Tong Hyung, blood. His hand..."

Tong looked at Run's gaze, then he hurriedly takes his emergency box in the car.

"What happens?" Tong holds Mew's arm. But Tong didn't get any answer, Mew's zoned out. Mew sits down and Tong takes care of his wound.

"Run, his phone is ringing. Take it and answered it" Tong asked to Run because Mew seem won't answer it

Run take his phone in Mew's pocket and answered it, "From Techno, he said Gulf didn't at home"

Mew still silent with his blank gaze. He even didn't feel the pain when Tong applies the alcohol on his wounds.

The phone ringing once again.

"Hello" Run answered

_"Where is Mew?"_

"This is from Doctor Champ, he wants to talk to you" Run said to Mew. He placed the phone on his ear.

_"Mew... I'm sorry, but Gulf is with me. You can come now"_

Mew is awake now, he takes the phone from Run, "Where? I'll come right now"

"Gulf with Champ? Where?" Tong asked

"Pranburi"

"I'll drive with you"

"No"

"Mew, look at yourself. You're very messy. And how is if you get an incident on your way? Do you want to kill yourself or what?" Tong shouted

Mew sighed. He gives his key to Tong and let him drive,

"Follow us behind, Run" Tong asked to Run

Then they are on their way to go to Pranburi. It needs 2-3 hours. Tong promises to take Mew there as soon as possible. He can't look at his best friend like this. Like he lost his hope to live.

Gulf needs to meet him, it's enough now to take a distance from him to calm down himself. He bought a tiramisu on his way to uni because Mew like a sweet so he bought it for him. He didn't tell Mew if he wants to come, he wants to give a surprise. Come to uni always made him flashback, he saw students in the field play football like he was before. These flashbacks can draw a smile on his face. He walked slowly and enjoyed his memory. Accidentally a student bumped into him, that student says sorry to Gulf and continued to run. Gulf keeps his eyes on that student until that student throws herself into crowded. Gulf curious, he takes a closer and looks closely. His eyes caught very familiar back, and voice.

_Mew_

Gulf said in his mind, he really wants to run over his beloved one now. Just by seeing him, he can smile like never been hurt. Gulf takes a big step to reach him. But, suddenly he stopped. He feels the pain. His chest is throbbing.

That girl is beside him. And she hugged him tightly

Gulf can't do anything, he covered his mouth. He just looked at Mew from afar, turned around, and cried.

_I wish my tears would stop now_

He throws away the tiramisu

He back to his condo with all the sadness

In front of his condo he found a little box, without thinking anymore he bring it with him. Put it on the table and left it there.

Gulf throws himself on the couch, he looks down on the floor. He tugs his knees to his chest. He cried between his knees, he screamed, he endured all the pain by himself. The pain that can be killing him inside.

He takes a deep breath

Again

And again

Gulf hopes that deep breath can decrease his pain, but he wrong. It's increasing every time he breathes.

_I thought you never would hurt me. But you didn't different from the other. You hurt me. I told you what hurts me the most, and you did it perfectly_

He throws away all his books and mug on the table. He closed his eyes and tried once again to calm down himself

His phone rang he got a message. Gulf opened and read it while he wiped his tears

_Already opened it? How? Did you like my gift?_

The number is unknown. He looked at the box he left before. He opened it, and there is flashdrive inside. He connects it to the television and plays it automatically...

He stopped breathing, his heart stopped beating in second. He covered his ears, he won't hear all those voices. The nightmare that never he imagines has come. He screamed like he didn't care anyone can hear it. His right hand grabbed the bottle of his medicine, he wants to swallow it all. But the voice from that video kept lingering on him.

He threw all his medicine.

Gulf comes out and runs away from his condo. He just brings his wallet and phone, he turns off the phone. Gulf wears a black cap and mask, he takes a taxi and goes to a bus terminal. He kept grabbed his chest, he is hyperventilating.

"Did you need a water or something?" the driver asked

"It's...okay" He tried to answer

He chooses Pranburi to hide. Gulf promises to bring Mew here when he has done with his last project, but this has happened, and he never imagine the terrible time will happen soon like this.

He can't do anything in the last three days, he didn't turn on his phone. He knows, Mew will be called or sent him a thousand messages but he didn't dare to check it. He looks so bad, he just sleeps all day, he is zoned out, pale, and brittle.

He takes his last decision, he called Champ to come over before he drowning himself

"Gulf" Champ waved at him

Gulf just smiled slightly, "You came faster"

"What are you doing here?" He paused, he looks at Gulf in bad condition, "Did Mew know about this?"

Gulf shook his head, "I turned off my phone, I just turn it on to called you"

Champ sit in front of him, "You need to tell him"

"Having him in my life is very exhausting" he chuckled, "I gave him my trust"

"I think it's just misunderstanding, Gulf. You can tell me if you won't tell him"

He shook his head, "I'm too tired to bear it up. It will be easier for him and everyone if I disappear" he cried in silent

Champ sighed, "Mew will be the one who hurt the most"

"I didn't deserve him, either him not deserve trash like me"

Champ know it's useless to talk with him in this condition. Gulf just wants to open himself to Mew, that's why he didn't want to take his treatment again. He just trusts him, even Champ can't get his trust.

"I'll go to get you food and warm drink" He patted Gulf's shoulder

On his way, Champ called Mew.

_"Hallo"_

Champ know this voice is not Mew, "Where is Mew?" he asked pointedly

_"This is from Doctor Champ, he wants to talk to you"_

Champ heard that voice talked to Mew, _"_ Mew... I'm sorry, but Gulf is with me right now. I think you should now this"

_"Where? I'll come right now"_

"Pranburi"

Champ didn't find him when he comes back to his room. It's only 30 minutes, then Gulf can't be found anywhere. Champ tried to call his phone, but the phone was turned off. He tried to look for at every place, he asked everyone but no one saw him.

"Mew..." He called Mew, "I can't find Gulf anywhere"

_"What do you mean?"_

"I went to get food for him, then he didn't in his room"

_"Champ, please keep looking for him until I arrive. Please..."_

"Okay... I'll look for him, I'll try at the beach"

Gulf repeat his words since Champ left him

_Disappear_

_If I disappear he can have a happy life_

_Disappear_

He kept repeating those words. It makes him didn't realize if his legs bring him to the beach.

_I've never been scared of losing something in my life, then again nothing in my life has ever meant as much as you do._

He smiled painfully, he smiled at big waves. Gulf sit and hugged his knees. He gazed at the beach. He drowning himself in anxiety.

_For a moment I was getting better. For a moment I was feeling good. For a moment I wanted to be cure, love, and live. And in a moment I lost it all._

He takes off his shoes and cap. He put his phone on his cap.

_Not just because you break my trust, but I was trash. That video remind me if I didn't deserve the true love_

He stood up, walked closer to the beach

_I think I deserve you. I think I was an ordinary person. But I have a terrible wound._

The waves reached his foot. The big waves keep coming to him

_It is fair if I disappear, right. It will much easier for you._

And he drowns himself between the waves. The big waves swallowed him in the middle of the sea

Mew's arrived. He tried to look for at the beach that quiet enough to Gulf. Tong, Run, and Champ help him in different places. Mew runs from one place to the other.

_Please don't do anything_

He kept praying, then he sees a person shouted about someone was drowning. Mew runs to that place, and he finds Gulf's phone, shoes, and cap.

He can't think again, he can't be waiting for a rescuer. He took off his jacket, then swim at the beach to reach Gulf

Mew get him. He hugged Gulf and saved him

"Gulf! Gulf! Wake up!" He screamed while shaking Gulf's body

Tong and Run gather around them. Run wants to help Mew, but Tong forbids him.

Gulf awake, he coughs several times. Mew hugged him tightly, "Thank God, you're safe"

"I'm here Gulf, I'm here," he said

Gulf just cried in his arms, he cried hardly.

"It's okay, it's okay now, you can cry. I'm here" he whispered and patted Gulf's back

"So, Gulf didn't take his pills properly?" Tong asked while checking Gulf's IV

"No. He rarely takes it. Mew told me every week about his condition"

"But he manages his anxiety and another symptom well" Tong and Champ sit on the couch

"I already said it before, maybe not because of all my drugs. It is because of his stable relationship"

Tong nodding, "What's kind of medicines did you give him?"

"Antidepressants, phenelzine the monoamine oxidase inhibitor. Antipsychotics, Zyprexa. Mood stabilizer, lithium carbonate. And Buspar, antianxiety"

"Wow... you did well Champ, you give him all he needs. But I think it can be well if Gulf didn't want to take his session"

"Right. I think I should increase the dose"

"Which kind of drug? Phenelzine can't be used in high doses. You will kill him"

Champ sighed. He thinking the other way

"Who should be killed?" Mew comes with Run

"Oh, you've changed your clothes?" Tong asked

Mew nodding, "What are you talking about?"

"Gulf's medicine and the other way" Champ answered

"Explain it, I'll hear out"

Champ looked at Tong, he hesitates to talk about it in front of Mew but he must be known. Tong nodding, and start to explain it one by one in very detailed

"He can't be healed if he won't talk about it to me, it's useless just depends on drugs" Champ finished his explanation

"Put it simply, he hasn't fully acknowledged his pain. When he acknowledged all his pain the recovery begins" Tong added, "He just told you, you have his trust, but Champ didn't"

"So, what can I do now?" Mew asked

Tong and Champ looked at each other

"Slowly but sure you must convince him to do his all treatment and trust me"

"I can't allow Champ to increase his dose, it's can't be solved his problem" Tong keep added Champ statement

Mew sighed, he leaned back himself, "Hmm... I'll try my best. Is it okay Gulf here? I want to take him back to Bangkok"

"It's okay, this is my uncle's hospital. We will transfer him tomorrow if his condition getting worse" Champ answered

"You should rest. Maybe in one hour Gulf will wake up. Make it clear everything between you two" Tong suggested

The three of them leaving Mew alone with Gulf. He still laid down on the couch, he keeps remembering when he saw Gulf in the middle of waves.

_If I was late just in second, maybe I didn't see you breathing now. Just in second, I'll lose everything_

He walked closer, he caressing Gulf's eyes. In his, thought Gulf becomes like this because the video, he didn't now if Gulf seeing him that day hugged by another girl.

Mew sits on a chair, resting his head beside Gulf's hand. He needs to take a rest. Just a moment. He grabbed Gulf's hand, and closed his eyes.

Mew awake when he didn't feel Gulf's hand in his hold.

"Gulf...Gulf" He started to look for him in the whole room. He paused a moment when he heard a voice from the bathroom. Gulf come out of the bathroom while holding an IV

Mew walk faster to him and hugged him tightly, "Thank God, I think you would run away"

Gulf pushed him

Mew gazed at him, he confused, "Gulf..."

"What are you doing here?" he walked away

"Wait..." Mew grabbed Gulf's arm, "What's wrong? Please tell me, what I have done?"

"Let go" He pulled his arm, he looked into Mew's eyes with his eyes full of anger, "everyone has left me. I can't believe you. Everyone, even you have left, cheated, and chosen another one"

"What are you..." He paused. Mew realized now what Gulf talking about

"Remember now? You can always break up with me anytime, you didn't need to hug a girl in front of everyone. Just tell me! Tell me" He shouted the last sentence

"Wait...Give me a chance to explain everything"

"Do you need a reason or what?"

"No... it is not like that" Mew tried to hug him

"Let go of me" Gulf pushed him once again. He steps back, and keep his distance from Mew

"Give me time, I want to explain it. After you hear it out, you can decide whatever you want"

Gulf is silent

Mew begin to explain it from the first time he met her. The reason why he didn't tell Gulf.

"But you go out with her, lunch and go somewhere" Gulf answered

"We're not alone, I'm with my team, and she with her manager. I didn't know the photo will come out like we are dating"

"You hugged her in front of everyone"

"I can't hurt her pride. After she released her hand I told her in front of everyone that I already have a lover. You can ask Tong and Run"

The anger in his eyes slowly decreased. Mew walk closer to him

"I wasn't mean to lie to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know if you are insecure about this"

Gulf just gazed at him without answering

Mew still tries to calm him, "Why are you so insecure with my love for you?"

Just by looking at his eyes, Mew can say if Gulf surprised with his question

"Because..." He paused a moment, " I've never had anyone love me the way that you do, or care for me the way that you do. I'm afraid that this might be just a dream, and I can't find you in reality. And that your love is too good to be true for trash like me"

Mew hold his tears, he hugged Gulf and patted his head, "You're not trash, you are a beautiful creature, you are my beloved one" he whispered

Mew feels Gulf hugged him back, he feels Gulf's hand are grabbed his back

_He is back_

They are sitting on the couch, Mew's left hand on Gulf's waist, and his right hand on Gulf's thigh.

"Let go of me, don't you feel hot?" Gulf said in a different tone from before

"You will run away"

"I'm not" He caressing Mew's right hand that in a bandage, "What's happened with this hand?"

"I was punched your mirror in your condo"

Gulf surprised, "Did you..."

"Hm..." He nods, "Won't you tell me?"

"Later..."

"Alright, you must know that I have one of the best team lawyers in this country"

Gulf chuckled, he keeps caressing Mew's hand. And Mew keep pulling Gulf closer to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The human brain has about 100 billion nerve cells, and neurotransmitters from nerve cells change our conscious state. Adrenaline is produced when we are stressed, and oxytocin strengthens our bond with other people. dopamine wakes us up, and GABA soothes us.   
> The question is where do all these neurotransmitters come from?   
> It comes from our feelings


	11. Audacious

At least they spend two days in Pranburi, Gulf asked Mew to let him stay there for a while because he didn't want to hospitalized in Bangkok.

It's okay Gulf always get what he wants. Champ, Run, and Tong back to Bangkok first and left them behind. Although they are already in a good term, maybe they need some space together. So the three of them was let them in their time

Gulf charged today and he can leave the hospital. He wants to go to the beach before they are back to their routines. He always let Mew drove him, and he just sits on passenger chair enjoy the scenery

"Wanna walk or just sit inside the car?" Mew asked he stopped right near a beach, so they can enjoy the waves sound just from the car

"Here is okay" Gulf replied without looking at him

Mew just let him, and he plays with his phone

"Mew..." Gulf called him

"Hm..." He is busy with his phone now

"Hey..."

"Hm..."

In the second Gulf takes his phone from his hands

"What..." He paused when he looked at Gulf who tried to crawl onto his lap, "Gulf...what are you... we are outside"

He smiled, he wraps his hands around Mew's neck. He buried his face in Mew's neck. He feels Mew's hand are wrapping his waist, pull him closer, and hugged him tightly

"Kiss me" Gulf's whispered then looked at into Mew's eyes

Mew is hesitating in a second then he kissed his neck. Slowly he kissed it, licked it, then bite it leaving a red kiss mark

Gulf moaning quietly, he bites his lower lip, he grabbed Mew's back shirt

"Why so suddenly? Someone might see us" Mew whispering on Gulf's ear, then licked it

He can feel Gulf's hot breath around his neck. He shudders in excitement

"Oh, you like that idea aren't you?" Once again Mew sucking Gulf's neck, bite it and leaving a red mark again, and again. He climbed from Gulf's neck to his lips. He teased him, he just licked it slightly and didn't give any kiss

"Just... kiss me already," Gulf said with a hoarse voice

Mew smiled, "Why are you not try to kiss me then?"

Gulf gives light kisses on side lips, on the cheek, and Mew's eye. He smirks. He didn't want to lose first

Gulf linking his finger on Mew's head and whisper to him, "I won't lose that easily"

"I know... I'll give you the final pleasure" Mew whispered back

Their lips brushed together, Mew gives a slight kiss then he sucking the upper Gulf's lip, licking it, then bite it. He uses his tongue to explore Gulf's mouth. Their tongue collided.

Gulf sucking Mew's tongue, the voice of their saliva was echoing in the car. He grabbed hardly Mew's hair and pressed it on his face. He won't any gap, even the air disturb their intimacy.

Gulf sucked it greedily. He loosens his finger and stopped sucking Mew's tongue

"I can't breathe" Gulf out of breath

"Use your nose, I can't let you breathe after this"

Mew pulled him closer, more closer. His right hand under Gulf's hoodie, he plays with Gulf's nipple. Pinched it, squeezed his chest, while he kissed Gulf's neck.

Gulf's tilted his head give him more space to do his jobs. Gulf panting, moaning quietly every time Mew pinched his nipple and sucking his neck

"Nghh...Hm... More"

Mew stopped and looked at him, "Say it again"

Gulf with his horny face hides his face on Mew's crook. His ears reddened. He always shies when he can't control his moaning. He feels hot. He was hard

Mew recognized Gulf's sign and tighten his embrace. He feels it.

Gulf shivered on his lap, he does a small grinding to Mew

"You are hard" Mew whispered, "And you keep grinding it on me"

Gulf slowly unbutton Mew's shirt, take it off and throw the shirt on another side

He gives slight kisses on Mew's chest

Mew body was hot, it feels hot more than before. The way Gulf kept grinding on him, kisses his chest, and caressing his arm make him feels the jolt sensation

Mew was hard too

Mew gives him a message through his jeans

Gulf stopped grinding

"nghh..."

Gulf shivered. He feels the best excitement just through a fabric

"Hmm...nghh..." He tightens his grab on Mew's shoulder and leaving the fingers mark

"Sst...Someone will come because your moaning, babe"

Hear those words made Gulf's harder, and Mew just giggled realized it. He keeps giving a message through Gulf's jeans while his mouth busy sucking upper Gulf's lip

"Please..." Gulf begged with all sweat covered his face. In second ago Mew succeed to take off Gulf's jeans, boxer, and hoodie

"What? Tell me what do you want?" Mew wipes Gulf's sweat

"Just...do it, Please"

"Sure" Mew was ready. He already fully naked, "you do it yourself since you are on top"

Gulf grabbed Mew's cock. He tried to do it himself, Mew grabbed Gulf tightly. Waiting he to succeed his first mission to insert it by himself

Gulf keep groaning, it just touches his hole but he can't keep his mind awake

"Nghh... I can't"

"I hold you, you can do it"

He tried once again, and the tip already go in

"Hmm...Mew... I can't"

"Almost, I already feel your warm"

Mew's sentences made Gulf shivered in pleasure, he spills his precum even more

Gulf does it once again, and his hole full of Mew's cock. Gulf hugged him tightly. Their hot temperature filling up in the car "It's...all in" Gulf caressing his belly that full of Mew's

"Move, babe" Mew's whispered while tightening his embrace, "Move up and down like usual you do on the bed"

Gulf didn't protest he does it. He does it what Mew says

He moves up and down slowly. He bit his lower lip enjoyed the best pleasure, Gulf kept moaning, groaning and shivering

"Good boy...hmm... that's good...keep going" Mew enjoyed it too

Mew was caressing Gulf's back again.

Give him the best support

Mew took a moment to appreciate the vision. The horny, greedy and aggressive Gulf has led the play

"I can't do it anymore... my legs..." Gulf said

"It's okay..." Mew gives him a passionate kissed while his cock getting bigger inside Gulf's

"Mew..." Gulf stopped him, "Call her"

Mew confused, "Who?"

"That girl who hugged you that day"

"Why? We are busy"

"I'll show her that you are mine. Only mine"

Mew didn't think this is a good idea but he didn't refuse too

Gulf called her

While Mew kept thrust his cock to Gulf

_"Mew... it's rare you are calling me first... I miss you"_

Gulf moaning in every thrust, "Ah..nghh..."

_"Mew... what..."_

"This is me, Mew's boyfriend. And we are in the middle of doing a very good thing. Do you want to hear him thrust me like crazy?"

_Shit. I didn't know this side of Gulf. He can drive me crazy_

"Damn...Nghh..." Mew moaning not in purpose for her. But he got the excitement while someone else hears it out

After that moaning, the phone was cut off

Gulf kissed him, sucking hardly Mew's lips, he clingy onto him

Mew thrust him faster, and harder

He holds Gulf's body by his waist

Gulf's cock against Mew's belly spill every precum.

Gulf's body tightening, his hand grabbed Mew's head, he moaning hardly...

"Faster...nghh..."

He came all over Mew’s belly,

His back beautifully arched

In the same time, Mew shoot his sperm in the inside of Gulf

He filling up Gulf's hole

There is rolling down on Gulf's thigh

They are panting

Look at other then chuckled

"You are a naughty boy" Mew teased him the give him a kiss on his nose. Mew covered Gulf's body using his jacket, "Stay still, don't move a lot. I'm still in your inside or you won't be able to walk in three days" 

They are giggled together, as Mew asked Gulf just stay still on his lap

Gulf hugged him. This is the first time Gulf hug him tightly and warmly


	12. Lacuna

Three months from that incident Gulf decided to resign from the company. After he finished his last project, he told Mew then Gulf gave his resignation letter

He spent more time at Mew's apartment. He already out from his condo and live with him

Sometimes Gulf will be spending his time with Mew's families. Mew introduced him after Gulf resign from his work

Mew, too he was not teaching again at uni. He kept his promise to spend more time with Gulf

But sometimes Gulf prefers staying longer with Mew's families more than with him. Gulf always gave him the reason that waiting for him alone at his apartment made him lonely 

It's almost one year since that incident, but Gulf still didn't want to do his treatment, he still believes that he can be healed just by medicine

Champ never force him. It is good that he can consume his medicine regularly now, and Mew still inform Champ about Gulf's condition every week

Gulf aware of it, that Mew has to inform Champ every week. He is fine about it, as long as Mew didn't force him to do his treatment

For the very first time, Gulf never admits that he is a patient with mental illness. He just admits that sometimes he will get angry, anxiety, and want to destroy himself easily

This is made Champ in a difficult position. He wants to heal Gulf, but Gulf a resistant patient. 

Mew at Champ's office now. Today his schedule to meet him up

"Already told him if you would be late?" Champ asked

"Did I must tell him? Maybe we just need 1-2 hours"

"You should, it's better"

Mew called Gulf immediately. He didn't need to wait so long for Gulf to answer

_"Hallo"_

"Are you still at my home?"

Mew heard Gulf was asked an accuse to his mom

" _Hm... I was baked cookies with your sister. What time will you come?"_

"I think I will late. I'm with Champ now. If you want me to send a picture, I'll send it to you"

His voice sounds disappointed, _"It's okay. I'll wait here. Don't take too long"_

"Okay. Maybe it will take 1-2 hours. Miss you"

 _"What the hell..._ " Gulf hung up the phone

Mew meet up with Champ to clear up everything about Gulf. He remembers the last time Tong suggested to Mew that he must learn more about his illness.

"So, Can we start now?" Mew has been prepared and studied it a lot before

"Do you want me to tell you or do you want to ask me first?"

"Explain it from the beginning"

"Alright, listen carefully" Champ paused a moment, then continues "So this is called BPD or borderline personality disorder is a disorder of instability and impulsivity. Instability in their mood, relationship, behavior and sense of their self so the world always feels like it's moving up and down for them"

"But Gulf didn't show them"

"Are you sure? Did you remember before he went to Pranburi, you were told that his condo is mess up?"

Mew nodding

"This illness showing very strong angry, upsetting not only for the person but for the other people who involved. He was angry that like, that is him. He would destroy everything, in second after he feeling strong angry. He was felt strong anxiety, then desire to commit suicide" Champ continued his explanation

Mew realized it. The step is true from the beginning

"But I never have seen it"

"Did you ever coming back late, or you can't keep your promise?"

He shook his head

"That's why you never have seen it. If you wanna see it, try it. You will see his strong angry. Because you always there, always beside him, so Gulf feels at ease and never shown the symptoms"

"This illness has an extreme personality. When he saw you with another person, he could felt like you will leave him, he chooses to destroy himself so you can come back to him, or he would not eat properly to shown his anger" Champ gives him a map of the mental illness, and he points at BPD, "They will go from angry to sad to cheerful in the same hour, you will not see that kind of emotional instability with any personality even bipolar"

"What is their fear the most so can be caused BPD?" Mew asked after a long silent

"Abandonment, being left. They are just want to give attention and love. But we are a human, sometimes we will get tired, right? But you can't do that with them. Did you ever had an argument with him?"

Once again, Mew shook his head

Champ just smiled slightly, "You truly love him" He chuckled. Then continued, "The fear of abandonment can be real or be perceived. This perceived I mean that he will feel I've just had an argument with this person they are going to leave me, you are cheating on me, you are never coming back. For this abandonment, they are already prepared the strong personality"

Mew loosen his necktie, he leans on the couch, he released a heavy breath, "I never knew about this" He said, "I think it's work because of your medicine"

Champ shook his head, "It can't be cured just with that, that's just prevention because Gulf is a resistant patient. He needs to be hospitalized, needs treatment. There is not a medicine for this. I need to learn more about him, this is just BPD or he has PTSD, according to what you had been said before"

"So..." he paused, "There is no way except doing the treatment?"

Champ nodding and patted Mew's shoulder, "But you can't force him, it will be useless. Let's wait until he down his guard and acknowledge it. That's all, Tong asked me to tell you this much, since he didn't understand well"

"Thank you for always waiting for him to admit it. I'll try to help too"

"It's okay, I have plenty of time" he chuckled, "You should go home now, he will be waiting" 

On his way to pick Gulf up, the information that Champ has been given still running slowly inside his head. For three years he didn't know anything about this. He will be more careful now to handle this 

He saw Gulf from outside before he comes in. He saw him like he never been in a worse state, he laughed, he smiled, he talked with Mew's families like an ordinary person.

He sighed. Changed his expression then he walked in

"Oh, you are back," Mew's mom said

Mew hugged her like usual he does when arrived at home. He always feels at ease when he hugged his mom. Without word just patting his back, all his worries all gone

"Sorry not staying longer, I just want to pick him up," Mew's said while caressing his mom's arms

Just by looking at her son's eyes, she knew. He wants to be alone with Gulf, and there is something that burdens his thoughts

"It's okay. He already packed some food you can bring it"

Gulf already brings them in his hand. Then, Mew's Mom gives him a warm hug, she caressing Gulf's head and patted his shoulder 

"What's wrong? Something burden you?" Gulf asked because Mew just quietly driving without talking to him

Mew reached Gulf's hand, "Wanna date?"

"It's already 8 pm, you must be tired, and you didn't have dinner yet"

"We can eat your cookies then we can take a walk like another couple?"

Gulf shook his head, "Just let's go home. We can date at our home after you get your dinner, of course"

Mew always like a thoughtful of Gulf. He has never been asked to take him somewhere or bought something for himself. He really asked something necessary.

So, they just go home as Gulf said. Then Mew take a bath and Gulf preparing for his dinner 

"Gulf.," Mew called him even their distance not that far

"Hm..." He answered while focusing placed the beef on the plate

"Don't you want to ask me to buy something for you?"

Mew sat on the chair beside the counter

"Like what?"

"Car maybe so you can go anywhere freely"

Gulf looked at him, "I have you, why should I ask for a car? You can always drive for me"

Mew sighed. He tried to forget about earlier so he asked Gulf randomly

"Come here!"

Mew stood up and walked closer, "Hm.. why? Do you need help?"

Gulf take a closer his face with Mew's face, he hit slightly Mew's forehead with his forehead

"That's it that burden your thought? I just cheer you up, my hands are dirty" He just giggled alone

Mew wanna teased him, but Gulf gives him a death glare to not do anything before he washed his hands. Mew's back on his chair and waiting for Gulf to eat dinner with him

They are on the date after they are finished their dinner, brushed their teeth, and wearing pajamas. They are on a date on their bed, hugging each other in silence.

Mew humming a song near Gulf's ear while he caressing Gulf's hand.

Gulf closed his eyes, he tilted his head to give Mew more space, enjoyed his humming, patting Mew's thigh. He really likes it when they are doing on a date at home

"How's going your talked with Champ?" Gulf asked still closed his eyes

"He told me everything about your illness, so I can learn more about it" He tightens his embrace

"Hm..."

"Wanna hear about it?"

"No"

"Lately, you spent more time at my home more than with me. I'm jealous of my sister"

Gulf giggled, "You were always at your office, just let them handle it. Give me a week to spent time together at our home"

"What should we do then? Or you could not take a single step in a week?" He teased him by whispering on his ear

"Don't do it so often, you will be bored"

"Never"

"Really?"

"Of course" His hand groped Gulf's belly under his pajamas

Gulf hit it slightly, "Just hug me, don't do anything unnecessary"

Mew laughed. Tonight he just wants to hug him tightly 

Gulf wakes up in the middle of the night. He still in Mew's arms, and still resting his head on his chest.

Slowly he takes a seat, gazed at his beloved man while he is in deep sleep.

He smiled.

He shifting slowly his body under the blanket, he felt the heat of the person next to him.

He takes care of Mew's hair that covered his eyes. Gulf see him in his most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state

He breathes as though the weight of the world lays on anyone's shoulder but his own

Gulf kissed his cheek, nose, and forehead in the most gentle manner so as not to wake him

Gulf feel an arm wrap around his waist and pulled him closer. Gulf know it doesn't get any better than that 

For three days Mew left Gulf, he had business outside of Bangkok. Before he leaving him, Mew told Gulf nicely, that he will always stay in touch with him, that he will come back as soon as possible, that he will spend more time after he finished this one

They are never apart for a far distance before. Mew never left him for so long before

He was worried that these three days made Gulf in bad condition. He makes sure several times that Gulf will be okay, he even entrusts Gulf to Techno and Champ.

He asked them to look after him

"Did he come back today?" Techno asked

Gulf nodding

"How have you been these three days?"

"Why are you asking like we just meet? I spent three days with you"

Techno laughed, "I mean...You are okay, right? I didn't do anything wrong, right?"

"What are you talking about? Did Champ say something?

Techno hurriedly shook his head, "No. I afraid your boyfriend will smack me if there is something wrong you after for a long time you are with me"

Gulf distracted by a car outside the restaurant. He always sees that car for these three days

Techno followed Gulf's view, "What's wrong?"

"That car..." he pointed used his chin, "Did you know it? I feel like he was following us"

"Really?" Techno stood up about to come out from the restaurant but the car was gone, "Gulf do you need me to sleep over at your apartment?" Techno worried

Gulf looked at his watch, it's show at 8.30 pm.

"It's okay, he will arrive at 10 pm. I'll take a taxi from here"

"Really?"

"Hm... I'll call you if something happened" 

Gulf really back by himself. He still cautious, he still looked at his behind even he already in a taxi. He didn't afraid if someone will beat him, he just afraid about his past, he afraid if that bad past will happen again to him

His brain keeps imagining the horrible things.

He already at the lift to their apartment, he feels more eased now.

Without Gulf knowing, someone already followed him using the stairs. That guy waiting for the lift to shown the floor. He waiting for Gulf to open his apartment from afar

Gulf realized someone behind him was waiting for him to open the door. He covered the door's code, hurriedly he comes in and closed the door

That guy took his step and coming to Gulf but he was late

Gulf panting. He can hear clearly his heartbeat

He tried to call Mew

_"Hello... Gulf?"_

Gulf still manage his breath

_"I can hear your breathe, something happened?"_

"Someone followed me, he is in front of our home"

_"Are you okay? Who is that person?"_

"I already locked the door, I think he was followed me these three days. Can you come quickly?"

_"I'll call Tong and Champ. Wait for them. I'll come as soon as possible. Keep your phone in your hand"_

Just by hearing Mew's voice Gulf can tell Mew is worried. He never used a distinct tone if he is not worried

Gulf checked that person by looking at the intercom. He is still standing there, wearing a black cap, black hoodie, black mask.

Gulf stepped back. He knows who is he.

_Impossible. How can he found me_

That guy closer his face to the intercom, "I know. You definitely looked at me through this. Still, remember me? Your best friend that gives you much pleasure for the first time..." He laughed. He took off his mask, "I think you said you were straight. But now, you lived with a man? Did your boyfriend know about your past?"

Gulf struggle for breath just hearing his voice. He keeps stepping back at every word that guy said

His head spins. He just wants Mew to come quickly.

He clenched his fist, tried to control his anger and his breath

"I think he will leave you when he realized that you just a man who can sleep with anyone. Did you imagine his face? He will say that he didn't deserve you, he just to good for you..." He showed Gulf's photo that he was taken from the video before, "look! So disgusting"

Gulf closed his ears using his hands. He keeps shaking his head, "No. Get out from here"

That guy can't hear Gulf's voice, Gulf's didn't turn on the voice. That guy's voice echoing in his head. He can't endure anymore the stronger anger. He wants to destroy anything near him. 

Mew keep tried calling them, but Champ didn't answer it. Maybe he has another thing to catch up. Tong answered him, and hurriedly going to Mew's apartment

After Mew makes sure Tong in his way, he called back Gulf but he didn't answer it. Fortunately, Mew didn't drive alone, Run come along with him.

Run didn't dare to ask anything to Mew. He keeps his speed at maximum level and still manage their safety

"Shit, He didn't answer his phone" Mew shouted frustrated

"Hyung, I'll drive safely, as soon as possible"

Mew clenched his fist, closed his eyes and control his emotion

"It's okay, Tong already on his way"

"You said okay, but your worried aura frightening me" Run murmured

Tong called him, " _I'm in front of your apartment with Champ. We are seeing the guy, but we can't catch him"_

"How about Gulf?" He didn't even care about those bastard

_"We can't open the door. The code that you used before can't be used anymore. Champ still persuade him through intercom"_

Mew remember Gulf changed the code after he left him, and he forgot to ask it

"Keep persuade him. Me too keep tried to call him. It's okay if he didn't want to open the door, as long as that guy was left"

Mew didn't get any answer but the phone didn't cut off. He heard Champ's voice asked Gulf to opened the door

_"He opened the door. Please drive safely, Mew. We are with him now"_

Mew sighed a heavy breath, he leans back on his chair, put his phone on the dashboard, released his clenched.

"How..." Run asked quietly

"He is saved now"

"That's good..."

Champ success persuaded him, he and Tong can enter the apartment now.

The first sight he sees is, the house is a mess. Champ can imagine that Gulf was thrown everything away. The way his breath still panting, and his corner eyes wet. He is in strong anger like before.

Tong hugged him, and patted his shoulder, "It's okay now. Mew is on his way. It's okay"

The resistant Gulf just feels ease if Mew comes and around him. Even now there is Tong and Champ tried to comfort him, he still didn't look in a good state.

Tong's hugged didn't help too

Champ looking for his medicine to stabilizing Gulf's mood. He gives it to him, and he wants to consume it

"He will come soon," Champ said

He can tell the anxious, fear, anger, and hesitant from Gulf's eyes

"It's okay now, Gulf" Champ still tried to take him out from his emotion 

Tong give them space, then he clears up the glass on the floor before it's can hurt anyone

Mew arrived 10 minutes faster. He running to the apartment and rang the bell

Gulf looked at the intercom from afar.

Tong opened the door for Mew

Gulf stood up when he finally can see Mew in front of him

Mew's breathing can be heard in the room. Slowly he walked closer to Gulf, he gives Gulf his best smile. Mew slowly reached Gulf's hand, "I'm here, I'm here now"

Gulf hugged him immediately. He drowning in his tears. He hugged him tightly. He grabbed Mew's shirt.

Just now Champ can see Gulf's eased.

"I need you, I will need you. I will need you to keep choosing me. I need you to take care of me" Gulf mumbled in his tears, and on Mew's crook of the neck

Mew didn't answer, he just caressing Gulf's back, and tighten his embrace.

In second, Mew can feel Gulf was faint in his arms....


	13. The Real Love Feels Like

No one knows the reason why he wants to break up with him. He maybe looks fine, but if we look closely, by breaking him up like that leaving a big wound in himself

Gulf heard it when Mew crying outside this room

Gulf heard it when Mew asked to give him another chance

And Gulf heard it when his mom hugged him, and calm down his beloved one 

Without Mew knows, he is crying harder, he is in so much pain. But he should do it now, or this relationship is a toxic

Champ gives him a time to prepare himself. His parents, sister, and Techno take turns to accompany him. Champ never believe when a long time ago, Mew said that Gulf can't sleep if he is not around. And these three days, he witnesses it. He would not sleep unless Champ give him a sleeping pills

These two already share everything, their fate, pain, love, and soul. But one of them should take action to safe the other one, by risking himself

Champ comes in at his room, "Gulf.."

Gulf alone, his parents just back an hour ago. He turned his body and looked at Champ

"How are you today?" Champ asked walked closer to him

"Not fine"

"Your parents will come here soon?"

"I asked them to take a rest, maybe Techno will come here today after he finishes his work"

"Good then, let's look around the weather is nice"

Gulf was hesitant. Champ seems to know that he wants to go out of this room.

"You just stared outside through the window, you want to go, right? Let's go" Champ tried once again 

Champ bring him to the hospital park, they are walked slowly and enjoying the warm sunlight this morning.

"Whose jacket it is? I think it's not your style"

"Mew..."

Champ knew he is the one who gave his jacket to Gulf's mom as Mew's asked.

"I never want to break up with him. My chest still aches just by imagine his crying voice. I hope his jacket can calm me down just a little bit" he smiled slightly 

For four years, three days ago. Gulf admit that he is a patient with mental illness, and want to take his full treatment

"Actually you didn't have to break up with him"

"I know..." he paused his steps, "But I didn't want to make him suffer just been waiting for me. I'll come to him first after I finish this all"

Champ nodding

They continue to walk slowly.

They choose the best place at under trees to take a rest

Champ inhale-exhale a long breathe, "I'll tell you something in psychologist"

Gulf waiting for him without looking at him, he looked at the blue sky

"When you suffer an illness, due to psychological scar you can be called it a psychogenic illness. It is developed through a mental or psychological issue"

His words can take Gulf's attention to look at him

"When you're put in the same traumatic situation you feel the urge to avoid it or become hesitant. When you run, your body lets out adrenaline, which gets rid of your gloominess. And just like that, some scientists say psychogenic illness can be treated by examining the neural circuits in our brain or the chemical compositions. But that's not how the human mind work" He paused, and smiled, "What we feel in our hearts is a product of everything we experience in life. Such as love, pain, loss, anger, violence, peace and happiness"

Gulf nodding

"What I want to say is, you will be cured. Because after you experience pain, anger, violence, and loss you still can feel peace, happiness, and love. You still hold him right here, even he is not beside you" Champ patted Gulf's chest, "His love and happiness that he gives to you have changed you in a good way to fight this illness. And my turn is I just continue Mew's part that he can't do"

Without he realized, tears rolling down on his cheek

"You make me miss him. Just three days, how can I endure it if I miss him this badly" Gulf wipe his tears

Champ laughed, "It is good, right. By missing him you have the power to end this quickly"

Gulf chuckled, "I've prepared enough, let's do this. Because I didn't want to make him wait so long"

Champ sighed, "Good then..." 

Techno comes in the evening, he brought three flower bouquets. He put it on the desk beside Gulf's bed.

"Why are you buy this?"

"Me? For you?" Techno laughed then throw his body on the couch, "Your man asked me to give that to you. He said he will always be sent you the flowers every day"

Gulf sighed silently. He caressing one by one the bouquet. There is nothing else in the bouquet.

_What I expected about? He won't write anything_

Then he found a paper at each bouquet

_Three bouquets for three days, each day he will give me one_

The first one is amaranthus and globe amaranth, the flowers are wrapped by baby's breath. Every bouquet has a baby's breath on it. Second, just five red roses. Third, Craspedia.

It seems Mew has given him messages through the flowers. It just flowers but the third bouquet has another meaning for Gulf. It's like Mew was given up on him and just wishes Gulf on good health

He fell on the floor, buried his face between his palms. The pain forced him to cry.

_I broke my rules for you_

Techno comes closer and gives him a hug. He wouldn't care to asked, he just patted on Gulf's back

_The rules that I wouldn't break up with you, the rules that I will always stay beside you, the rules that I will always hold your hands_

_I broke it all_

_I am the one who broke it, but it's given me a big wound inside here_

He cried while pinched and grabbed his chest. He leaned his head on Techno 

In the morning, Gulf's mom meets Champ and Techno at Champ's office. She left her son who is sleeping peacefully. She still wears the same clothes as yesterday, her hair a bit messy, but she always smiled warmly to everyone

"Are you okay, Mom?" Techno said while sitting closer to her

She just smiled

Then Techno continued to tell them about Gulf's yesterday

"Three days and he always cried painly" Gulf's mom replied

"He still thinking that Mew is the one who abandons him, he still thinking that all of this is his fault"

"But Gulf..."

"We all know, No. He is the one who want to break up, but his brain can't process it like the way we were thinking"

"Will he be fine? Moreover, he didn't start the treatment yet" Gulf's mom asked

Champ gives her a warm pat on her backhand, "He is strong more than we expected, he is strong more than me. If I'm on his position I never let Mew go like this, but Gulf chooses a different way. His pain double, not triplet but he can survive it till the end"

"You know him well more than me" Gulf's mom giggled

"How about Mew's condition Mom?" Techno asked

"Same as Gulf, worse. He didn't want to come out from his room, he stayed at his parent's home. Fortunately Nong Tong and Nong Run came to take care of him too"

Both Techno and Champ sighed

"We are decided to take care of them separately. Both of them must be taken care of by a doctor mentally and physically" 

The very first therapy Gulf does is psychotherapy. He started it at his second week, his first week was so heavy for him, he always reminiscing Mew's voice, Mew's cried, all about him at their last time met

It makes him blamed himself, Gulf blamed himself because he loves him because he was met him before because he depends on him too much. 

In his second week, he had more calm. Champ always take him out from his room once in a day to do a small exercise like walking in the park, stretching at midnight or just talking in his session while enjoying the sunlight or the moonlight

Champ has his own method to take care of him. Usually, a BPD patient didn't have any desire to hurt themself or suicide, but for Gulf it's different.

As Champ said before he needs to learn more about Gulf, he really means it. He learns more about him while Champ give him therapy 

At the first psychotherapy session, Champ gathers information about him, about what he needs, about how he felt. So Champ can decide what kind of therapy he needs, what kind method should be used, such as a group method or personal method

Champ does it slowly but surely, he tried to gathers Gulf's emotion about Mew. He knew Gulf tried to fight it by himself, so he wants to Gulf trust on him too, as he trusts on Mew

"He may not be my first love, but he is my first love who is able to treat my wound. He was also the first person to be able to make me totally depend and trust him. He proves me about his sentence that love is without expecting anything in return from our partner, he showed it very well for four years" Gulf's voice has trembled, he looks at nothing in the blue sky, "But I think I made him suffer a lot by fell in love with me. So, I think I didn't deserve him this much, right?" He tried to giggled

"You already did great, Gulf" He replied and smiled and him even Gulf didn't look at him

"I am not normal, right?" He paused a moment, and gazed at Champ, "Anxious being his love, anxious because he didn't text me, anxious because a take so long to back home"

"Everyone feels anxious" Champ leaned his back on the chair, he gazed back to Gulf, "We wear seatbelts, we don't leave our homes when there is a storm, we would walk back when we forgot to turn off the gas. We just not able to acknowledge it, but anxiety helps us get through all the difficult moments, we often encounter in life"

"The first place that perceives anxiety..." Champ continued, "is our amygdala which is located deep down the limbic system. And in order to calm the anxiety we feel, we need certain types of neurotransmitters such as serotonin, GABA, and norepinephrine. Neurotransmitters are created by a certain person or thing. It could be someone you know, like Mew or your favorite activity"

Gulf sighed, "Here we go again" He chuckled, "I'll tell Mew later that you always talk something that I can't understand if I can still meet him"

"You will... definitely..." 

In the fourth week Gulf has started his therapy, it is not easy for him. He must to reminiscing the old memories, the bad and good memories kept drowning him every session

Sometimes he would be extremely angry, then he cried a lot. Sometimes he can be a happy person in the world, then he remembers he didn't deserve the happiness

It's always been rough for the first time, but he has all the best support system. He has his family, his best friend, his best doctor, and flower bouquet from his beloved one 

Champ gives him a regular schedule of his therapy. Twice per week for dialectical behavior therapy, this therapy to manage emotions, tolerate distress, and improve the relationship. Once per week for mentalization-based therapy, type of talk therapy that helps to identify his own thought and feeling. And twice per week for systems training for emotional predictability and problem-solving, this therapy involves his family and best friend.

For the left of the days, he will take enough rest, deep talk or small talk with Champ

Champ told Gulf and his family that he need about 20 weeks to finished all his therapy and get better

Learning to manage emotions, thoughts, and behaviors takes time. Recovery takes time. 

Champ give him a reward as he has done a great from the very beginning, he gives Gulf a book. Its has brown color as the cover

"Write here if you miss him, by gazed his flowers didn't change anything. Later if you better and come out from here, give this to him"

Gulf take the book by two hands, he looked at it

"Oh... you didn't have to follow what I tell to you, you can do what you want with these"

"Thank you..." He smiled happily

This is the first time for a month Gulf smiled like that like he found something new that he can't be found before

"Don't just cry, and blame everything at yourself if the felt of missing someone is coming. You can do so many things, and later you can show them to him"

He nodding like a baby. Like a baby just got a new toy 

Day by day his condition is better

He rarely cried or blame himself

His family and Techno still coming to accompany him through all this the long way

He has a new activity since Champ give him a book. Now, Gulf has already finished his second books

At first, he will write at night, every night

Then he writes every time, sometimes he just giggled alone, sometimes his tears just rolling smoothly on his cheeks

No one knows what he wrote, but every time he said "I miss him" he will take the book then wrote something

About the flowers that still coming until his second month, Gulf made it into the beautiful things

Half of those flowers are already dried

He framed it, he arranges it carefully, he poured it with resin then he placed it on the table and on the desk in his room

There are a some dried flowers bouquet was hanging down on the wall

Every day he would do these activities after he has done his session, his room changed to become very beautiful room

Every corner has flowers 

Tonight Champ wants to take him out as usual. He comes to Gulf's room. All the nurses and doctors who come to his room will be smiled just by opening the door because his room has a nice smell and beautiful on every corner

"Are you alone tonight?" Champ sat on the couch and let him finished his work

"Hmm... Techno will come later, he still has dinner with his co-workers" He replied without looked at Champ. He gives full attention to his frame.

"Let's do some exercise"

Gulf stood up and sighed, "Let's go, I have done" he smiled

"Can I get one of this?" Champ pointing dried flowers on the table

"Sure, I have a lot" He added a gesture with his both hand, "I'll give to the nurses too later"

Then they are walkout from Gulf's room to the park

"Did something good happened, Gulf? You look so happy..."

Gulf shook his head, "His flowers just arrived for today, I think the flowers will stop coming. It's late, but it's okay"

"Tong and Run want to come over, they said they are missing you"

It's made Gulf paused his steps and look down

"I'll tell them if you didn't want to meet them"

"I think not now. By meet them it makes me want more, it makes me remember everything about him"

Champ just nodding

He asked Gulf to copy him by doing a stretching like him

Both of them move their head to the right and left, move their legs like chasing by something, move their hands up and down

Their laugh can be heard by everyone who passes at the park


	14. Farewell

Mew went home with his parents when Gulf decided to break up with him.

He stayed at his room and never let anyone come in, he just eaten not more than a small bowl within three days

He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he cried a lot

He cried like there are no days tomorrow 

Tong and Run come at his home to persuade him, but they are failed. No one can persuade him. If continuous won't eat and sleep he would be sick

Everyone's worried can't reach him.

Then Gulf's mom comes 30 minutes after Tong and Run come. She comes alone, the first thing she do when she arrived is hugged Mew's mom, give her the best encouragement, and patted her back

Tong and Run greeted her

Tong shook his head as a sign that he failed

Gulf's mom just smiled warmly, he knocked the door, "It is me, son. I'm here to see you in person, can't you let me in?"

Everyone gathered in front of the door and waiting for Mew to open the door

Gulf's mom tried once again, "Didn't you miss me? Let me hug you"

She holds back her tears, she tried her best to hold it

A minute later Mew opened the door

Everyone has a smile on their face

"Come in when I finished talking to him" Gulf's mom said to Tong. She knows Tong need to give him an IV injection

Tong just nodding and let her come in first

He looks so worse, she can see his black skin under his eyes. His dry lips, and a tired face

She sits beside him on the bed, smiled warmly, and grabbed his hands

"Where is my handsome son? Why you are so ugly?"

Mew just smiled slightly in the second

"You should eat more, your mom must be worried"

Mew didn't answer, he just stares at nothing

Gulf's mom hugs him, patted his back "I'm sorry, mom can't take care of you"

Mew hugged her back, he cried, "It's okay, mom"

This is the first sentence he said

"Can you promise to stay healthy and strong for me?"

He nodding when resting his head on her shoulder

"Then let your friends and your family take care of you" She loosens her hug

Mew grabbed her hand while she tried to walk leave him, "Take care of him for me too"

How can she hold back her tears anymore, her tears just drowning her after Mew says it. She covered her mouth and nodding, she patted Mew's hand and leave him to Tong and Run 

A week after

Mew is better, he can eat and sleep enough than before

He still lost in his dazed, sometimes he will cry suddenly while doing something

Tong and Run take the turn to a sleepover and be with every day

"Son" His dad patted his shoulder, "You should continue your life, you can't like this anymore. Look your mom, her heart ached to look at you"

Mew nodding, "Give me some time, I'll be fine soon" 

It has been a month, and Mew tried to back at himself. He can't hurt his family by looking at him dazed and cried every time

But, Mew right now is not a person like before

Some part of his life was lost. He didn't complete anymore

He never smiled brightly like he usually, he never laughed so hard, he never makes his appearance neatly like before, he lost his weight

He changed so much, not in a good way but in the worse way 

Tong and Run had lunch with him today. They are waiting at the restaurant closed with Mew's company

Since Mew not longer as lecturer Run followed him to his company as his secretary

And lately, he has so many works because of Mew didn't come to work, or didn't work properly

He always brings his work to Mew's home and finished it there with him

"Do you know?" Tong started the conversation, "If someone else hurts or kills someone by hurt or kill the others, but for Mew, you can kill him by separated him with his beloved man"

Run just nodding agreed with him, "He is coming" he said when he saw Mew opened the restaurant's door

Mew walked closer and then sit beside Tong, "Why didn't you eat yet?"

"Waiting for you" Tong answered

"I won't eat"

Tong sighed so hard, then punched him at his chin

"Hyung!" Run raised his voice, followed by everyone who sees the punching action.

Mew covers his chin and feels the hurt. While Tong just stared at him

Run busy apologizing to other customers

"Should we leave now?" Run asked

"No" Tong and Mew answered at same time

"It's okay" Mew added, "Why so suddenly?"

"I'm so frustrated, look at yourself. Are you try to hurt yourself or what? You are already lost weight, and you didn't want to eat all the time. What the..."

"Sorry..." He looked down, "Give me the menu," He asked to Run and ready to order

They are lunch in silence. Mew keeps munching his food forcibly. He knows everyone worried about him, but it is not easy for him to back at his normal life

"Have you tell the florist what I want to do?" Mew asked to Run

Run nodding, "They have sent it since one month ago every morning"

He asked the florist to send his beloved man a bouquet flower every day until he recharges from the hospital. Mew, himself who settle what the kind of flowers he wants to deliver every day

"Let's go somewhere after this" Tong added, "Don't ask, you will know later" 

As his promised, Tong take Mew to somewhere

Fortunately, on their way, Mew was falling asleep. So he didn't know where to go

As soon as they arrived, he realized that Tong takes him to his hospital. The same hospital with Gulf now

"Tong... are you...?" He asked surprisingly

"Don't expect anything, Mew. I, Run, and Champ has a plan for you. Maybe this is not much, but I hope you can heal yourself with our plan"

They have arrived at Tong's room. His room has the opposite way and building with Champ, so he can't meet with Gulf coincidence. Except Mew will run to Champ's building

"Come in, wait here"

Run and Mew sit on the couch while waiting for him to call someone

_"He is already here. You can bring out him as well"_

"What is it about, Run?" Mew asked

"Just wait, Hyung" Run answered with a smile on his face

About 10 minutes Mew waiting patiently on the couch, Tong called him to walk closer to the glassy window of his room

He didn't know anything until his gaze found someone that very familiar to him, walked under the blue sky with Champ

"We can't just let you die from suffering, we can just give you this small reward after all the time you have been tried to back at yourself" Tong explained it while looking the same direction as Mew.

Mew heard it, but he didn't dare to change his gaze to Tong. He touches the window while looking at him with teary eyes

"You can always looking at him every day from here when Champ take him out from his room" Tong added, then both of them left their best friend alone at his room

This is the reason why Champ always take Gulf out from his room with different time because Champ was waiting for Mew to come, and see his beloved one from afar.

This thing would be his routine from now until Gulf recharge from the hospital. This is will help Mew to overcome his suffering little by little

"Just looking at you in good condition and find your smile is enough for me" he mumbled with a smile on his face 

Tong has permitted him to come to his room every day. But, Mew is Mew. He didn't want to come every day, he just will come when he truly misses him, when he can't endure anymore the aches of his heart when he needs support to keep a life.

Mew still tries his best to let him go

Months have passed

Mew never come back at his apartment even for once

He just asked someone to keep it clean

His apartment has many memories together with him, all their belongings are there.

Gulf's smell still lingering

Gulf's voice still echoing every time he remembers it 

And then, today

He tried to come to his apartment

He asked Tong and Run to accompany him.

Mew standing hesitantly in front of the door of his apartment. He was standing right there over 30 minutes

"I think you already in there" Tong broke his dazed

"How can I open this..."

Before Mew finished his words, Run already open it for him

These two help him a lot to bring back his laugh

"Let's go come in" Run dragged Mew to come in his place

He still remembers the last time Gulf here was the accident occurred, he remembers how his world collapsed while found Gulf covering by blood

From the beginning, he starts to reminisce the old memories

_"The living room... here, he is always waiting for me if I came back late. Sometimes he was slept over while watching the movie, and grabbing the remote"_

He continues walking to the kitchen, " _He always made breakfast for me every morning. He never let me come to this area, he said I'll burn everything that I touched"_

Mew giggled alone on his way look around his place. The dressing room still have their clothes, very neatly, the softener that always Gulf used lingering in the room

The second bedroom, the room to use for work or study, has a bed, desk, and books. The notes paper still on the desk, Gulf's notes paper while he went for the last presentation for his project at his office

The most memorable room is always their bedroom, _"He always slept on my hand, shoulder, or my chest. Then I grabbed his waist and pull him closer. Every time we talked about our work Gulf is who the one had a slept first while listening to me"_

Every memory was happiness for Mew, he can't ever forget it forever. He didn't know how to live without him

Mew fall on the floor, leaning his back on the wall, then hugged his knees. Buried his face between them, cried silently

Tong and Run just can see him, these two buddies always give him a space to release his emotion

"You should come here once in a time" Tong suggested

Mew nodding

"Maybe I'll sell this apartment, or this building later"

"What? Why?" Run asked

"There are so many memories and emotion here, that made me kept missing him"

"Later, that is the last option. Do you hear me?" Tong make sure for his choice

Mew nodding, "I still need this to clear up many things. I've prepared the team to sue that guy who stalked Gulf that day" He take some documents from his bag

Tong and Run check it, "Did you prepare this alone? We didn't know about this. This is very details"

"Even Run didn't know about this, I prepared all alone for more than one month"

"What is your plan, Hyung?" Run asked

"Will gather the team starts from tomorrow, you should help me. Tong, you should back to your hospital, didn't you have patients?"

"I'll join when I finished my work than"

"Good"

"Hyung, will you sleep here?"

Question from Run make him paused a moment, "I'll try to sleep here. On the couch"

Both of them can't be answered, just gazed each other silently

Mew starts to gather the team to finish this burden thing. Gulf never asked him to sue that person or report him to the police, he is such a nice guy.

This is his willingness to sue that person, using his best attorney team, his connection, and shreds of evidence of video and CCTV

His team already found him in one week

Then they started to report him to the police, settled some document, ready to submit for the trial for criminal law

He spent a whole two weeks for the trial. He just wants to finish these things as soon as possible

Every day he and his friend who as an attorney studying the case at his apartment

There are Run and Tong but they are didn't want to middle these things, so they are just waiting for Mew to finish the work today

Mew still wears his with a shirt, he rolls up his sleeve, he read every document carefully

"Can you just dating a normal person?" His friend asked him bluntly

Mew put the documents on the table, "What do you mean?"

"He is has a mental issue, that the other guy was stalked on him. Isn't he crazy? Why you should date a guy like him?"

Without he realized he clenched so hard his fist. After his friend finished his word, Mew gives him some punched at his face

Tong and Run immediately separate them. In this case, Mew will kill him for sure. Just a second that guy was covered by blood on his face, whereas Mew just used his fist

Run hold Mew and take him to step back. Run can see the anger in his eyes, he never seen this before

Tong helps the other to wake up and sent him comes out from the room

"I won't apologize for Mew. Because in this case, you are wrong here. You can't call it a crazy person just because someone had a mental issue. But take this, you can go to this hospital and meet me, I'll take responsibility" Tong give him his name card

"I never been seen his anger for many years," he said still covering his mouth

"If we didn't stop him, maybe you will die a minute ago. You can sue him for this, I tell him"

"No" he chuckled, "Mew has everything. No one can be a winner against him as long as he is right. I'm wrong, I won't join his team again for the further. Tell him about that. And I'll go to see you at the hospital tomorrow" he walked away

Tong comes again at Mew's apartment and sees Run already take care of him

"He said he won't join this team again, and he said sorry"

"Thanks for stopping me. I have never been angry like that before. He needs some medicine"

"I'll take responsibility, he will see me tomorrow"

"Thanks" 

A month has passed.

Mew winning the trial and send him to jail. He will be prisoned for 3 years, even in the future he will be out from the prison, Mew make sure that guy never meet again with Gulf

It takes 3 months for this case, and it's over now

Mew comes to Tong's office at night to see his beloved one, he brings the bouquet by himself

He asked someone to bring it to Gulf's room

"He will be waiting for your flowers, it's coming late," Champ said from another side through phone

"Sorry, I just finished up everything" Mew answered

"I'll take him out, watch him closely. It's been a while you didn't see him"

"Thanks"

He didn't need to wait so long. Champ already brings him on the park

Mew's phone ringing, and it's from Champ. But Mew didn't see him hold his phone

He just placed it on his right ear

_"He let me heard his voice"_

For the first time since their break, Mew heard his voice

It's hurt and happy at the same time

****_"Did something good happened, Gulf? You look so happy..."_ ** **

****_"His flowers just arrived for today, I think the flowers will stop coming. It's late, but it's okay"_ ** **

****_"Tong and Run want to come over, they said they are missing you"_ ** **

****_"I'll tell them if you didn't want to meet them"_ ** **

****_"I think not now. By meet them it makes me want more, it makes me remember everything about him"_ ** **

His tears were falling

The tears that he has held back for a long time rolling again on his cheeks

It is not just him that suffering from this missing

"I think it's time I let you go. And that's so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life"

He turns off the Champ's calling

Tong who standing behind of him walk closer and give him a hug

He cried on Tong's shoulder

He already decided. He will take a long break, he will visit his best friend in LA

After he finished his break, Mew have to plan to sell his apartment

He didn't know when he would back to Thailand

Run still his first savior for his work, he will manage everything while Mew working from overseas 

The first thing he wants to do after he landed safely, he just wants to sleep for some days

He didn't come to LA for vacation, he just wants to give his mind and heart a break

Fortunately, Tul permit him to use his mansion and let Mew enjoyed his break time

"Aren't you live here?" Mew asked while both of them arrived at Tul's mansion

"This is too huge for me, just sometimes" he laughed

"Be with me, I need to talk about something"

"You should take a rest first, then we can talk all day long. I'll give you all my time"

He let Mew used this huge mansion alone. Tul knows his friend. They already know each other for a long time

Tul knows if Mew were in trouble he will sleep more

Two weeks ago, he just said that he will visit him, just for sleep

This Mew is never changed, he solved everything with sleep

But Tul thought that this time he needs space and more time to sleep because he can't hold any more

Three days are enough to sleep like a zombie

Tul already waiting for him at the downstairs

"Better?" The first word for Mew after his long sleep

Mew nodding," Just how much you are prepared everything for me? I can found meals, even an ice cream easily

Tul laughed, "You deserved better more than that"

"So, don't you come back to Thailand?"

"I'll come back with you, let's buy the same ticket"

"But I don't know when I should back"

He started his long stories about his relationship, about Gulf, about how happy he has met him, about their hard way, and about their break up

Tul didn't dare to interrupt his stories, he just listens to it from the start

He can't answer, he knows Mew well, he keeps reminiscing a good memory that's mean he still loved him

"Did you still love him?"

Mew nodding

"Can you wait for him and give him more time?"

"Sure. Even if I didn't wait for him, I can't fall in love with another person"

Tul smiled, "Then let's wait for him, maybe he just needs some time" He sat closer to Mew, "soul mates will always end up together. No, how much love got lost, no matter much distance there was. You lose each other to find each other again. That's what it's like when someone is meant for you... if they leave, they will return and stay forever"

Mew chuckled to heard it

"Why? Is it true, right? Wanna hear more?"

"What?"

"If you two were destined to touch, the universe will always find a way to make the connection, even when all hope seems to be lost"

Mew will keep his sentences and his best friend's phrase will come true


	15. Love Me Once (Again)

"Why are you didn't tell me about this?" Tong's voice can be heard through the phone and echoing his room. He throws himself on the couch and takes off his white gown

"I already sent you a message two weeks ago. Lately, you never read my messages" Champ tried to defend himself

"Oh.. really?" Tong sound relax when he knows he is the one who is wrong, "Sorry I got so many surgery schedules for over 3 weeks. So, how? Did Mew know about this?"

"No. I haven't called him for a long time. I think he is under your care, right?"

Tong sighed, "Alright, alright. So, do you want me to tell him?

"No. Just ask him to back as soon as possible"

"Anyone knows about this?"

"I have told Run, he is coming here now"

"Run will be picking him up and I just try to ask Mew to back here, right?"

"Hmm... You should talk with Tul first to make plans"

"Good. Alright, Sir"

While his friends busy making him back to Thailand. Mew enjoyed his free time for more than 2 months in LA. Sometimes he turns off his phone a whole week to avoid Run's or his parents call

He changed so much

He is thinner than before, he has mustache and beard all over his face, his long hair covers his ears and eyes

Since Gulf left him he never cares about his look

He never takes care of himself like before

It is fortunate he still wants to shower every day

He eats much all the desert that Tul prepared for him, but he never gains weight anymore

He smiled and laughed like usual, but after that, he will remain silents and keep thinking that he doesn't deserve to be happy

He spent more time on the bed. Staring on the ceiling and do nothing for a day

Tul said he was depressed

But he said he was okay

No one can help him even himself

He lost his light of life

His phone ring, he stared the phone from afar

Mew walk closer with laziness

He sighed, "Hmm...What?"

 _"How can you so cold toward me?"_ Tong complained since the first time he heard his friend's voice

He ignored the complaint, "It's already 2 weeks from your last called"

_"I'm so busy. I can't even sleep tight"_

"Good then"

_"What? Do you mean it is good I didn't get enough sleep?"_

Mew just chuckled

 _"When will you back?"_ He is serious now

"I won't"

_"Why? Don't you need to meet your family?"_

"They will understand"

Suddenly Tul grabbed his phone from his hand. Mew gazed him without move an inch from his position

"We will back next week"

"What!!" Mew shouted and stood up

"I already bought two tickets, I'll bring him back" he talked with Tong through the phone but his gaze still on Mew, "See you next week" Tul ended the call

"What are you doing?" He is angry with Tul's decision

"Let's go back, everyone will miss you, Mew. If something bad happens, we will back here again. This is my promise"

Mew grabbed his phone from Tul's hand. He left him without a word

Before Tong called Mew. He has talked to Tul, and he asked to help him

Tong will take responsibility for this plan

And Tul just agreed without any complain or ask

After they are ended the call. Tul booked the ticket, and he willingly back together with Mew

Even he didn't have any plan to go back this soon

He will help as long as his friend can be better

Tul followed him, "Mew! Listen to me!"

Mew keep walking leaving him

"Mew!!" Tul grabbed his arm

"What!!" He raises his voice

"You should go back. You can't be doing these anymore"

"You don't have any right to give me any advice"

"Right. I don't have any... but I'm your friend. Don't you know, look at yourself. You... you look like a crazy person, you keep run away from your problem, you didn't have any bravery to face it"

Those words make him freeze. Mew just stared at Tul and listen to his long sentences

"Do you think leaving your family and live here can solve any problem? Can solve their worries? Aren't you think you torture them? Would you live your life like this for the rest of your life?"

_He is right_

"You are a coward. You have been left everyone just because you lost someone. You are who didn't have any right to do this"

_He is right_

Mew doesn't dare to answer. He walked away to his room, closed the door. He sits down behind the door, leaning his back to the door, sighed the heavy breath, and gazed at the ceiling

_"Do you fight with him?"_ Tong's voice can be heard through the phone

"Hm... maybe my words hurt him. He just walked away to his room"

_"Is it okay to keep this plan?" Tong sounds worried_

"It's okay. Don't worry he will be fine and talk to me in a few days"

_"Thanks. Will be waiting for both of you here"_

It takes more than 20 weeks

When Champ said he needs time to heal himself, he didn't lie

Gulf not always stayed at the hospital, start on his third month sometimes he back to his parents' home and stayed for two weeks per month

Today he is discharged from the hospital. The happiness was radiated from his eyes

Techno was helping him packed all his dried flowers.

As his promise Gulf already gave one to every staff who help him for a long period

They are packing on silent. Techno busy with his thought about how to tell him later about Mew

Gulf busy with his thought that he will be back soon at their apartment

"You will come with me, right?" Gulf asked without turn his body at Techno

"Hmm... Have you told your parents about this?"

"Of course"

"Didn't they tell you anything?"

"Like what?" He paused his activity and turn around at Techno

Techno lost his words. He blinked for several times, "I mean like they against you"

Gulf chuckled, "They never against my choice, No"

_yes, absolutely. But you can't meet with him, he has left this country_

Techno frustrated with his own thought. He keeps biting his lip and thinking what an answer to give to his friend

Run come with Champ to pick him up.

Every person has their part in this case. Champ has done with his part to take care of Gulf, even he should meet with him once in a month to monitoring him.

Now the other person will be taking their part to bring these two together

Gulf's stuff already placed in Run's car. They are ready to leave

Gulf sits at the backseat, while Techno sit beside the driver, Run

These two just exchange their gaze. Their gazed talked for them

Gulf looks so comfortable, he keeps staring outside mumbling a song, moving his fingers on his tight

He didn't even bother with the Korean song as the background in their journey

He looks better and bright than before, he looks lovely, or it is because he thinks he would meet his man

No one knows

It just... Gulf looks so much better now

They arrived

Gulf sighed after he put the box on the floor. He looks around

"Why is it so neat and quiet?"

Run and Techno stared at each other. Techno give him a sign with his gesture to tell Gulf everything

"He..." Run hesitated a moment, but he should tell him, "He never been here. He just comes here on a few days"

Gulf look at him. You can tell the lovely eyes was disappear suddenly

"If he comes, he never used the bedroom, he always slept on the couch, he was ordered the food and never used the kitchen even a single utensil. He brought his own clothes and never wear the clothes from the dressing room"

Gulf smiled slightly, the painful smiled. He never knew he has been hurt Mew so much

"He has the plan to sell this apartment after he comes back"

"Come back? From where? Where is he now?" Gulf asked

"He has been left the country for more than 2 months"

Gulf choked with his own breath. He holds his breath without he realized it, "I will waiting for him"

Techno and Run gazed each other, they are releasing their breath. They let Gulf to looks around the apartment, and these two unpacking the stuff

He walked to the kitchen. He touches the counter, the chair beside the counter

_"He used to sit here. Eating breakfast together, then he will wash the dishes. It's still same with the last time I left this kitchen"_

He walked to the dressing room. Nothing changed at all

The suit, the t-shirt all the clothes still hanging neatly, the room still have the smell of the softener that he used

He passed the bedroom. Gulf walk to the living room to help Run and Techno

"You can leave if you want to. I can do the unpacking" Gulf said, he starts unpacking his stuff

"Are... okay?" Techno asked

Gulf smiled and look at him, "Sure. I'll be waiting for him here, I don't care if it is needed for a long time"

"Should I sleepover tonight?"

"Me too, I can sleep over if you need" Run added

Gulf just nodding while giggling. He is not refuse their offer. Now, he tried to accept the other's help, he tried to rely on his friend more than before

Mew has been realized about Tul's words

He knew

He such a coward

He chooses to run away than faced his problems

He left his family

He looking for his own comfort without giving attention to his family, especially his Mom

Two days he didn't talk to his friend and avoid him. No, he doesn't mad at him. He just makes his mind clear, before he tells to Tul that he want to back with him

They are good now. They have just arrived at the airport

Mew takes a deep breath and closed his eyes

"How is it?" Tul asked

"You have to send me off" He ignored his question

"I should meet with someone, he was waiting in front of the gate" he walked first leaving Mew behind

Mew followed him, "What do you mean? I'm back alone to my home?"

"Back to your apartment it's closer, right? Aah... I see him, see you later" Tul really left him. He does little running

Mew sighed. He doesn't want to back at his apartment. He has plan Tul will send him off at his parent's home, but he just left him

He takes a taxi, he can't choose another choice. No, he didn't have any choice. Jetlag, neck pain, sleepy he feels all and he just wants to lay down as soon as possible. He chooses to back at his apartment

"He forces me to back with him, but he won't take any responsibility at all" He mumbling while took off his shoes.

He sees a pair of shoes on the floor. Unfamiliar shoes. He didn't think much, he just passed and walked to the living room

He left his luggage beside the couch. He took off his jacket, but he sees something that makes him freeze a second

"And now I get hallucination. How can I see him here"

Mew walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Again, he sees someone familiar entering his bedroom

He smiled slightly, "I go really crazy. I should sell this tomorrow" he gulped his water

_"You back"_

Freeze. He was frozen in the middle of gulping his water. The voice is so similar, very similar that can make his heartaches

He didn't dare to turn back his body. He scared that he just hearing nothing, he scared that he is a crazy person for real

_"Welcome back"_

Again. This voice. He can't hold anymore.

He turns, and his eyes were caught a beautiful, a best, a lovely creature ever

_It's hurt. My heart hurt_

"Finally you are back" Gulf take his step to walked closer

Mew step back. He still can't believe it

"It's me" Gulf keep trying to walk closer

_He is here but my heart hurt so much. He smiling but I want to cry harder_

He fell. He kneeling and crying. He cried like that time when Gulf break him up

Gulf comes closer and hugging him tightly. He caressing his back. He can feel Mew's tears at his shoulder

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" Gulf said while hugging him. He tried to hold his tears

Mew cried even harder

His cry makes Gulf can't hold his tears anymore. It's hurt so much. His chest is hurt. The feels like something was burning in his chest

Mew looked at him with teary eyes, "It is you? For real?" He tried to touch his cheek, but he hestitated

Gulf reach his hand and placed it to his cheeks, "I'm back. It is me. Can you accept me?" The tears are rolling down on Mew's hand

Mew tears can't be stopped. He cried but he smiled too

He nodding, he wants to answer but he can't say any word

They keep on this position until Mew a little calm down

"You are back," Mew said, finally

"Why are you so thin? What is it mustache and beard, long hair? Who is it?" Gulf make fun of him, he chuckled while touching his beloved man's face

Mew doesn't answer. He hugged him tightly

"If you choose to back at me, you never can leave me again. No, I never let your hands"

Gulf nodding softly on his shoulder, "Sorry for break up with you, sorry for made you waiting so long, sorry for made you in pain"

Mew won't answer. He just wants to listen to him

"It is hard for me too. The hardest thing I have ever done is walk away still madly in love with you"

Mew hold Gulf's arms, he stared at him. The eyes that always he missed, the smile that always makes a bright day for him, the person who makes him a nearly crazy. Now he is here, in front of him.

"Let's tell Mom, she didn't know you have been back. Let's go" He grabbed Gulf's wrist. He stood up and pulled Gulf up

"Mew..."

"Let's go. She will happy about this"

"Mew..."

"Should I call Mom first?"

"Mew!" Gulf raise his voice and hold Mew's hand

Mew looked at him.

"Mom has been known. I have visited them before"

He can't believe it. He is confused, it is showed on his face

"My parents knew but they weren't told me"

Gulf laughed a little, "For now, let's cut your hair, clean your mustache, beard, and your face. Then let's eat, I cook for you"

"..."

"Let's go. Go take a bath first. You will look handsome again soon" Gulf smiled brightly

Mew didn't refuse, he just does what Gulf asked to him

His brain still can't process anything from this situation

After he finishes take a bath. Gulf was waiting for him in front of the mirror desk. There are towels, basin, razor, shaving foam, and an electric scissor

He patted the chair, give him a gesture to sit down on the chair

Gulf placed the towel on Mew's shoulder. He stands in front of him and starts to apply the shaving foam

Mew just stared at him. He grabbed the edge of Gulf's pajamas. Like a child grabbed their mom's shirt because of afraid he would be lost

Gulf shaving him carefully, he can't look into Mew's eyes. He stares at him, exactly the same with his first time said that he wants to have a special relationship with Gulf

No one can't stand his eyes while he staring like this. Everyone will be fall in love with him. He has beautiful eyes ever, you can see that he is in love, happy, or sad through his eyes. And now he has all of the emotion

"It's done. Look" He takes aside step, so Mew can see his new face in the mirror, "Very handsome, right?" Gulf giggling while cleans Mew's chin

"Hmm..."

Gulf walked to bring the basin and the towel. He stopped his steps while Mew hold his pajamas

"Where do you want to go?" He pulled him closer by his waist

"I want to throw the water, and put the towel away. I didn't go anywhere"

Mew hugged him and rubbing his hair on Gulf's belly, "If it is a dream, please don't wake me up. Let me sleep for a long time"

Gulf put the basin and the towel on the desk. He caressing Mew's hair, "This is not a dream. I'm here, hugged by you"

"Don't go"

"I just want to go to the toilet to put these things"

Mew looks up. His eyes have changed, from all emotion into lovely eyes

"I may never say this often before, but from now on I will say it often until you get bored of it. I love you"

_Oh_

_I haven't heard this for a long time_

Gulf blushing. His ears, his whole face was redden

"Let me put this away first" He tried to hide his shyness. He walked quickly, Mew just chuckled seeing his in hurry

The last thing he wants to do is his cutting Mew's hair. He just cut a little and make it neat like before. He actually never done this before, but he doing this right now for his beloved man

Finish everything about the cleanup and get the first dinner together after a long time

Now, Mew laid down on the couch. He put his head on Gulf's tight, he holds Gulf's hand on his belly

While Gulf enjoys watching his favorite program on television. His left hand on Mew's belly and right hand was caressing Mew's head softly

"I like this show, I have been watching this when got in hospital" he laughed

Mew followed him watching the comedy show, even for him it is not really funny at all

"Gulf... Can I ask something?"

"Hmm..." He still focused on the show

"Why... you did that thing... at that time?"

He can feel it. Mew can feel Gulf's hand was stopped caressing his head

He can see. Gulf sighed release the heavy breathing

"Sorry. You didn't have to answer it. Forget it" Mew hurriedly said it

"Do you remember?" Gulf starts to answer, "A week before that time. You were on phoned with someone, And I unintentionally heard it. You were talked about the children. You were said you really want to have it, and want to discuss it with me. But, did you know? I really don't like children. For one week I have been thinking that I didn't deserve you because of this. I shouldn't be your partner, but at the same time, I don't want you abandoned me. I don't want you to break up with me"

The answer really hit him hard. He didn't know about this, he has spent a long time with this person but he didn't know that Gulf dislike the children

Mew wake up and sit properly. He holds Gulf's hand, "I'm so sorry about this. I really didn't know. Sorry. If I talked it first with you maybe that incident never be happened. If you don't like it, I won't either. Just live the two of us"

"There is more..."

Tonight his answer really makes Mew worried. Every time he says it, he holds his breath and waiting for his words

"The same time you were said that you want to break up with me and told me as soon as possible. So I thought if later we would be break up it is better to do it now, but still, I won't you abandoned me. The bad thought really disturbing me for one week, then my extreme anger was exploded"

"That..." Mew thinking hardly, he tried remembering the past so he can make these things clear enough for both of them, "That is it not about you, I was talked with my sister. She said her friend was break up with her boyfriend and her friend tried to hit on you. That's why I said I will talk it with you"

Gulf makes a weird expression, "So I have heard it in the wrong way?" He then laughed

"I'm sorry, I was not made it clear" Mew truly said. He keeps caressing Gulf's hands

"It's okay now" Gulf followed Mew's gazed that looked down on his hands, "It's okay" then Mew looks up

The edge of his lips was pulled, and he smiled while nodding

"I love you... don't abandon me again"

The words make Gulf blushing again

"I'm not going to.... leave you again" he hides his slight smiled and his shyness

Mew sighed, then lay down and put his head on Gulf's tight. He knows that his man was shy, so he wants to see it by laying down on his lap

"When are you discharged?"

"Hmm... maybe 2 weeks ago?"

"Who's knows about your discharged?"

"Everyone knows"

"..."

"P' Run drove me here, Techno always beside me, doctor Champ absolutely knows, P'Tong he texted me that he still has full of schedule so he can't meet me that day"

Mew frowned, "Your mom and dad?"

Gulf nodding

"So everyone knows but I'm not? And... Wait. Did their plan brings me back forcibly is because you was waiting for me here?"

"Who's force you?"

"Tul. I had a fight with him about this"

Gulf laughs so hard. He throws his head behind while laughing

"Your friends are so funny, so great to having them right?"

Mew can't believe that he was fooled by everyone, but he thanked Tul that forcibly bring him back to his home. The home that always is number one home for him

They are spent the night by watching the movie, hugging each other, and hold each other hands

They finally sleep at midnight

For the very first time for along time. These two men used again their bedroom

For the very first time, Mew can see him while laying down

For the very first time, Mew can pull and hugged this person

For the very first time, Gulf can sleep on his chest again

He closed his eyes and feels Mew's breath.

_It's very calm_

_I wish I could explain, how wonderful you are. How I could look into your eyes and never get tired, how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies how the sound of your breath gives me the best dreams. How much you mean to me, and how much I love you_

Mew looked at him while caressing his ear to waking him up

Slowly he opens his eyes, he smiled slightly

Mew's hair was still a mess and in the bright morning sunlight he looked more handsome

Gulf take a deep breathe, "Good morning" he said

Mew gives him a soft kiss for the first time, "Morning"

It's a very perfect day for both of them

They are waking up next to each other. For today they don't want to do anything. They don't want to go anywhere.

They can stay on bed all-day

It's eating breakfast together. It's doing our own things, but still in the presence of one another

The perfect day is spending it with each other

It doesn't matter what they do

They just want to be next to each other 


	16. Reconcile

Back together after for a long time is not easy

Some things might change but one of another didn't realize it, or he tried to pretend that all is okay

Particularly both of them living their lives in peace. For months after Gulf comes back, there are not any problems coming. _Or it is just pretending to be okay._

Gulf spent his whole day at home, doing the household chores. Made breakfast, doing the laundry, ironing his own clothes, and his man's clothes.

Mew never asked him to do the household chores, he wants to Gulf to take a rest or hang out with his friends, but he chooses to stay at home _. A good wife, right?_

He will help to do the wash dishes every morning after breakfast and before going for work

Just an ordinary day is a happy life together

Mew starred at one by one the dried flowers in the frame. He never notices it from the beginning

"Why have you collected dried flowers? I can buy for you the fresh one every day"

"Stupid!" Gulf mumbling from the kitchen

Mew took one of them. At the background there is written something, he read it "You are my home"

Hearing those sentence Gulf run from the kitchen to the living room and grabbed the frame from Mew's hand, "Why are you reading this? You have never been done this before" He put back the frame on the desk

Mew laughed, "But where are these flowers come from?" He holds Gulf's hand

"You stupid! You send me this every day, so I kept this even they are dried" his voice softer at last sentence

"Really? You kept all the flowers?"

Gulf nodding shyly

_How cute_

He pulls the other man to sit on his lap, Mew wrapped his hands around Gulf's waist

"I should read the message behind the flower" He whispering to Gulf

"No need. I'll throw it all"

_He is sulking. Cute_

He pulled Gulf's chin so he can see his face clearly, then he kissed him. A slight kiss, at first

Then Gulf pulled Mew's neck. He asked more

He sucked it, Mew's tongue. Then he offers his own to Mew, they sucked each other

Mew holds Gulf'a shoulder, push him softly, "Enough" He wiped the saliva on Gulf's lip, "Let's take a breakfast"

He just can stare at him. He forcibly by himself sit on the couch and let Mew walked to the kitchen

_Again. He takes the distance from me_

He followed to the kitchen, sit next to him who is waiting for him to dig in together

The today breakfast menu is _khao moo grob_ (rice with crispy pork belly)

Actually Mew is not a person who eats pork, but as long as his man who made it he will eat it. He will eat everything

Mew starts to dig into his breakfast. He eating while his left-hand slides down his phone to check up his work are settled

He moved his attention from his phone to Gulf who is coughing beside him. He caressing his back

"Let's go to the hospital, I'll ask Tong to arrange his time" He gives him a glass of water

Gulf sipped it slowly, "It's okay"

"You have been coughing from two days ago. You are too tired from doing everything" He still caressing his back even the cough is stopped

"It will be fine if I take a rest. Hurry finished your breakfast"

Mew just sighed. He can't force him if he says no.

"Should I just stay at home?"

Gulf didn't even look at him. He just didn't want to, "No. Go, you must work"

"Look at me while talking to me" He tried to get his attention

Gulf stood up, take Mew's empty plate and washed it

_Something isn't right_

He hugged him from behind, resting his chin on Gulf's shoulder.

"Then, I go now"

"..."

"I'll go"

"..."

"I really go"

"Just go already" He looked at him with annoyed gazed

"Alright" Mew gives a kiss on his cheek, "I'll late today, I have promised with the others"

"Hmm..."

"Are you mad with me?"

"No"

_He is mad_

Mew wants to ask more but he stopped, he just says it in his mind. Then he really going to work and left him

He tried to look for the answer by himself. Tried to remember all that he has done from yesterday to this morning, but he can't find an answer for this

_It is not possible for my action. He never gets mad before since he back home, but today his gazed looks so annoyed_

He looks so dazed in the early morning on his way to go to work, just because his man answered him shortly and didn't even give him a good gaze

Gulf sighed heavily, he looked at the door that closed by his man.

He is annoyed, but his man didn't know it all

He is mad, but his man doesn't know why

He laid down on the couch, closed his eyes with his right arm

_"It is always not easy to start again, but its almost 4 months from me back here. He still acts that the distance between them is needed"_

He sat up. Gulf decide to take asleep before he really gets mad with his man

He still coughing. He walked toward their bedroom

"I think I got a fever" he placed his right palm on his forehead

"That annoying boyfriend made this getting worse" he talked to himself with a hoarse voice

Buried his body in the sheet is the best way to release his bad thought, but he is not sure if he will be okay when his man gets home tonight

At 10.30 PM

He goes to the bar as the promise with Champ, Tul, and Tong

He was late

He ran from the parking area to the bar.

"Sorry I was late" He tried to catch his breath. He sat down beside Tul, "What's are you guys talking about?"

"Your man" Tong answered bluntly

"He told me everything, and now I want to meet him. Why you didn't invite us to your home until now?" Tul asked

"Hah... I need his permission dude, I'll ask him later"

His friends laugh at him. He looked like a husband who scared of his wife. A husband who need his wife's permission to do his things

"Tong, did you bring the medicine?"

He was asked him this noon to bring him medicine for Gulf

Tong give him the medicine, "You should pay me!"

"My treats tonight"

Three of them shout happily. There are just snacks and some beer. But Mew can't drink it tonight, he brings a car alone, and he never drunk without Gulf knowing it

"I think he gets mad with me," he said after sipped his carbonate drink

"Why?" Champ with a serious face asked. It's has been 2 months ago Gulf officially stopped coming to see him. He was in really good condition now. Then Mew said he was mad at Mew, his worries showed up

"I don't know... like... maybe because my action toward him"

His friends still listen to him

"Until now since from the beginning he was back to me, I..." he is hestitated

"What? Say it completely!" Tul complained in frustrated

"I have never been doing it. I always reject him even just a deep kiss, I always stopped first and push him softly"

The three of them just staring each other.

"Why? I mean... why you should do that? Don't you want him to back to you?" Tong asked

"I don't know. I just want... I just don't want him being hurt, I just want to cherish him more than before"

No one wants to give an answer. They are busy to starred each other

"Did you pity him?" Tul, their friend. He is such a straightforward person. Between three of them, just him who can says anything without hestitated

Mew looked at him, he was confused. He wants to answer but he keeps thinking his words

"I didn't..."

"Are you pity him because he was through a hard path in his life?" Tul added even Mew didn't finish his word yet

_Did I? I never feel that way, but why I can't say no_

"If I'm in his position, I'll thinking that way too" Tong added, "The way you cherish him is very unfamiliar for him"

Tong looked at Champ, "How about him? Do you think he will okay this time?"

Everyone waiting for Champ's answers

"He will be okay, he much better know. Better than you think" Champ smiled proudly

Their hangout must be a happy and playful time, but because of Mew, they should solve his private matter. _Again._ And they are never complaint about this

Mew is a detailed person, he will talk every single thing about someone he loves the most.

And his place to talk is his friends

He is back first, and his friends still continue their hangout without him

"I'm back," he said. He always doing this since they live together even before Gulf being hospitalized

The lamps were turned off. The rooms all in the dark. This is not usual. He walked to the electric switch, then turn on the lamps

He didn't see him anywhere, but he heard Gulf's coughing from their bedroom

Mew hurriedly walked to their bedroom. He opened the door and found his man buried between the sheet

He sat at the edge of the bed, "Gulf..." he touched his hand, and feels the high temperature, "You got the fever"

He took off the sheet. Reached Gulf's forehead.

_Since when he got a fever?_

He is worried, but he should take care of him, "Let me cool down your fever, I bring the medicine too" he talked to himself

Gulf keep his eyes closed, with the sweat covering his body

Mew back bring a glass of water, the basin with water, and a towel

"Drink this first" He feeding Gulf with the medicine and water

"Why didn't call me if you get sick? How if it is getting worse and I'm late?" He keeps talked alone

"I'm sorry," he said while covering Gulf's body with the sheet. He caressing his cheeks, then leaving the room

He will sleep on the couch tonight. Not because of Gulf was sick, but he can't sleep beside him, the feels of guilty still hold him tightly

In the morning

Gulf wake up late from Mew's breakfast time

He sits down suddenly. A towel fell from his forehead, he stared at it, starred at the medicine on the desk

_I really got sick yesterday. He took care of me_

"What's time is it?" He looked at the clock. 9 AM

He really wants to back lying his body. He still bit dizzy, but the noise from the kitchen force him to take his legs to go out

He walked slowly, and see Mew in the messy kitchen. He was blown his fingers

_He burns himself. What a stupid_

Gulf walked hurriedly, grabbed Mew's fingers and put it under the stream water

"Oh, you are awake" He smiled brightly

Gulf doesn't want to give him a glance or a smile. He keeps stared on Mew's fingers

"I tried to make a porridge for you, but I was hungry too. So I made a fried egg" Mew told him. He knew. He knew Gulf still mad at him. He just wants to try

Finished take care of his man's fingers, Gulf took the apron and wear it

"Move," He said to Mew

Mew just take a step back in silent he watched Gulf's back

In a minute the perfect fried egg, warm rice, and soup served in front of him

"You, aren't you eat with me? The porridge" Mew grabbed his hand before he walked away

"I don't hungry at all"

He grabbed even harder

"Please eat, you look so pale"

"Let me go, I'm dizzy"

He didn't let him go

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly

Gulf froze

"Your breakfast will cold. Eat it" His words are so far from the nice tone. He was struggled to release his hand

Mew who sat on the chair pull him, grabbed his two hands. He put his forehead on Gulf's belly

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything. I just want to cherish you more than before, I didn't want you hurt"

Gulf looked at his head, he wants to caress him, but he still mad at him

"Do you think I'm a girl? Or a fragile glass?" Gulf finally talked to him, he looked at another way while Mew looks up at him

"No, never. I never see you as a girl, you are a man. I like man, I like you"

"So why you treat me like a fragile glass? You, you never being careful with me or our relationship. Is it because of me as a patient's mental illness?"

His words really hit him. Mew stood up, he shocked Gulf will saying those words

"I really never thinking that way" He answered in a low voice and desperate

Gulf closed his eyes, breath in breath out, "Let go of me" his voice shuddered

Mew shook his head

"Then kiss me"

Mew freeze. He gazed at him more than a minute

"Please.. if you keep avoiding me, I'll take steps to go out from here. So please..." Gulf's voice really make him in pain

Mew loosen his hold, release his hands that has printed Mew's fingers

He moves to his waist, wrapped it around his waist, lifting him and placed him on the counter

Gulf put his hands around Mew's neck

They look at each other quietly, but they don't understand each other's thoughts

Gulf pulls Mew's neck and whispered, "Please..."

He started it with a slight kiss. It is Gulf who force him to do more, he tried to use his tongue. Mew open his mouth, both of them are busy sucking each other mouth, and tongue both were sucking and gently biting each other lips. Their tongues started to entangle. Mew could taste the fainted scent of his own blood on Gulf's tongue. The more they kissed the more intense their desire becomes...

Gulf's fingers run through his dark hair, pulled him more and more, deeper the kiss more and more

Mew moved to his neck, licked and sucking it like a lollipop. Leaving a red mark everywhere

"Hm..." Gulf titled his head give him the full access for doing his job. He still pulled Mew closer by his neck. He wrapped his legs around Mew's waist

_Again. Again_

He is stopped his sucking neck, looked at Gulf's eyes that filled with lust

His hand still caressed Gulf's back, hold him so he didn't fell back

Mew slowly move his hand underneath the apron, unbuttoning his pajamas one by one

"Can I?" Mew asked as soon as he throws aside Gulf's pajamas, and showed Gulf's redden nipple

He can't answer it

Gulf arced his back, giving him permission and giving him an answer that he can do anything

He squeezed, gently rotated and kneaded it with one hand

Mew can feel Gulf's shuddered. He closed his eyes. Leaning back his head and keeping moaning in a low voice

"It's getting harder, your chest" Mew whispered to him

Gulf tightening himself

He is sure he would fell back if his man didn't hold him

"Do it... do it like you always do"

After he said it, Mew lowered his head and locked it gently with the tip of his tongue. His other hand were run under the apron and pinched the other side

"Ahh..." Gulf shivered. He tried to breathe, but he keeps pushing him even harder to his nipple every time Mew sucking it a little

Mew's hot tongue wrapped the dark nipple, he sucked it gently

"Hmm..."

He sucked it more, Gulf's back more arced like he wants to be sucked even harder

He sucked it, bite it harder

"Ahh... there is... ah... nothing comes out"

Mew giggled and looked at Gulf's eye

"But it is more delicious" He kisses Gulf's upper lip,

"I want more..." Mew whispered. His redden ears were so cute for him

"The pants..."Gulf tried to took off it by himself. Mew hurriedly help me, throw it anywhere, and the little Gulf come out under the apron

Mew gripped it

"Hmm..." Just being touched by him make him trembling so much

"You are so wet"

"I hold it for a long time, you stupid boyfriend"

Mew laughed. He hugged him tightly

While Mew hugged him the apron rubbed Gulf's thing

He groaned

"Choose one, couch, kitchen, standing or bed"

Gulf busy with his groaned, he clung onto Mew's shoulder

"If you don't choose I'll keep rubbing the apron with yours"

"Don't...hmm.. bed... bed is better"

It's been decided

Mew lift him, bring him to their bedroom

Gulf keeps leaving his kiss mark on Mew's shoulder

He bites, licked then sucked like a little boy

"Hmm..." It's Mew turn to moaned

He can feel the little Gulf's rubbed his belly through the apron and his t-shirt

He put him down gently

Mew takes a step back, Gulf just staring at him

"Did you prepared yourself?"

Gulf shook his head

"Do it now, show me how you prepare your hole for me. I'll take off my clothes"

He freezes. Gulf can't believe Mew will say those words. How can he do it in front of him? He is hestitated to start

"Hurry up, I'll help you if you doing good" his tease voice make Gulf shuddered

He doing it as Mew's asked. Slowly he opens his legs wider showed his wet ass-covering by his own liquid

Gulf stared at Mew who still standing in front of him, staring his body with full of desire

_He won't take off his clothes if I don't do this. He wants to play and tease me_

He licked his own two fingers

Then moved and inserted it in his hole

"Hmm..."

Gulf didn't know it is because his finger or Mew keep staring at him. The feels prepared himself more thrilling and pleasure than before

He thrust it slowly, make scissors moved

He never does it before, but today he pinched his own chest, his own nipple

He keeps moaning like he was done by his man

_Shit_

_He tries to tease me or what_

Mew took off his clothes and his pants. His pants really make it hurt, his little thing wanna comes out as soon as he sees a beautiful scenery in front of him

Mew crawled on the bed

He grabbed Gulf tight with one hand

The other hand pulled off his fingers and gets away that hand from his one of favorite hole

"Ah..." As soon as Mew pulled out Gulf's fingers, he groaned like losing something, "What do you want to do?" He looked down at him who is ready to eat him

Mew blew at Gulf's little brother. It reacts. The owner get shivering and closed his eyes tightly

Gulf feels a wet hot tongue at his dirty part. He clenched his fist. Gripped strongly the sheet

"Don't.... ah..." he felt it. His tongue was tried to enter it. Moving inside.

He can't do anything. The one that he can only do is moaned, is moaned echoing their bedroom, "That's...ah... stop it..."

Mew finally stop it but it didn't finish yet

He moves up. Staring at Gulf's little brother

"Look you are so wet" he talked and whispered at it

"You... don't tease" his voice hoarse

Mew smirked.

He ate it. Not just the tip but a whole thing was inserted to his mouth

He pulled it off again from his mouth

Licked it back and forth from the root to the top

Gulf stroked Mew's hair with one hand. The other hand was busy tightening the sheet

The next step, Mew opened his mouth and swallowed the tip, his mouth sucking rhythmically. Gulf moved his hips as Mew's sucking rhythmic

He sucked it, Gulf thrust his hips. His thing going all the way Mew's mouth

"If you keep sucked it I'll cum now," Gulf said after he can control himself

"Then cum..." Mew really doesn't want to let go of his little Gulf. He keeps sucking harder, harder than before

He can feel his man under him shuddering. His body tightening. He grabbed Mew shoulder harder

_He is near_

Then within a minute his mouth full of Gulf'

Gulf wake up hurriedly, take a tissue beside the bed, "Sorry, I've already told you" He wiped his man's mouth

Mew laughed

"Why are laughing?"

"You hold it well, sorry for making you wait so long. It was delicious"

Gulf blushed. His ears, cheeks are red like he can explode anytime soon

Mew took off the apron and throw it

"Shall we continue our busy schedule?" He whispered on Gulf's ear

Gulf rode him

He is on top of Mew

Rubbing each other things

Every time the two of them rubbed each other, their face is full of forbearance

Mew was rubbing them moving slowly and unhurriedly

Gulf put his hands on his shoulders, hugged him while Mew rubbing on them

"Faster... I need yours to be ready...hmm"

As he wants, Mew increasing his moving

His deep breath, trembling Gulf really make him full of thrilling sensation

Gulf stopped by hold his hands

He holds the little Mew, tried to look for his place and insert it by himself

Mew who is under him looking at this guy who showed he struggled to insert his big thing by himself

"Hold on me" He put Gulf's left hand on his shoulder

"Ah..." He slowly put it in, just from the tip, his moaned can't hold any more

"Slow down... don't insert it all at once..." he whispered and nibbled Gulf's ear

Slowly it's going in, accompanied by clear and heavy breathing sounds to the deepest place

Mew tried to calm him down and reduced his pain by kissing him, they exchanged their saliva

"Can you move?"

Gulf nodding and tried to move. He was looking at the ceiling, his hoarse moaning fully their room

Mew hold his hips and tried to help him.

His whole body was shaking, trembling, his breath getting rapid and heavy

"You...ah..too hot... hm...to big...ahh"

_Shit. What's wrong with him. It's getting tight, he is squeezed me tightly,_

"I can't hold it..." he takes him down and doing his main job

Moving his hip, thrust his hole

"P' Mew..." suddenly he called it

Mew paused at looked at him. Gulf rarely, no almost never called him like that from the beginning

"You call me what?"

"Hurry up ... P'Mew... harder"

_This kid really going to tease me_

Gulf can feel his man big thing getting bigger when he called him that way

Hearing it there is no hestitated anymore. He reemerged to the position, and the joyful moan rang through the room

"There... again...faster"

Mew work harder, the sound of physically impact increased echoing their room

Gulf wrapped his legs around Mew's waist. He wants deeper, he wants it reached his spot more and more. He gives him all, they are giving in to each other

"Once more..." He is getting rough. He can't resist it. Then

"Don't pull...ah... inside"

His man really reached his peak, shooting his sperm very hard twice

Mew collapsed on top of him. Buried his face on his crook, he is panting heavily

"Wait..." Gulf tried to wake him up by pushed his shoulder, "you... is it not done yet?"

Mew chuckled while panting heavily, "I didn't ask it, but he doesn't take a rest" he talked about his thing that didn't get limb even after his second shoot, "Once more please... you really delicious"

"If you shoot it that hard I'll get pregnant"

Mew laughed with his answer," then you will get it"

He really does it once more time, the rough one, the faster and harder than before

When he said _I might be hurt you_ , he really means it. He really did it two round without let Gulf rest or caught his breath

It can be reached really hard to Gulf's spot more than before

"Yours too its awake" Mew keep messaging it back and forth

"It's... ahh..because you... hurry up...ahh"

He does it fast. Both of them release it at the same time. Gulf's was spreading on his belly and Mew's hand

"Ahh... it's hot. I really get pregnant for sure"

Mew hugged him from behind. He just smiled hearing his words

"It's leaking too much" Mew touched his back. His fluid really fullied him, it's leaking on the sheet. He wants to pull out while Gulf hold his hand

"Don't..." He paused a moment, like he didn't sure about this, "Don't pull out" his low voice makes Mew shocked. He buried his face on Mew's hand and covering his face my his hands

"Alright then..." he tried to not teased him back," it is all here, my liquid with your favorite big thing" he whispered while caressing Gulf's tummy, "You will get pregnant for sure" he giggled

"Stop it you stupid" He was shy. His ears become red. In his shyness, he caressed Mew's hand on his tummy

"Let's sleep...I'll help you to cleans up later" He give a big peck on his cheek from behind.

"Your breakfast?"

"We can eat it later, the late breakfast"

Mew Covering their body with the sheet and hugged him tightly. Let him took a rest before get up later


	17. The Edge of The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some parts in this chapter are spoiler from the novel seven years of love

As his promise before, Mew invite his friends to his apartment. They are already coming to his apartment before, along time ago before Gulf was invading his life

Mew has his own building at such a young age. He bought not just his apartment but the building with his name. He is got so much money by helping his father to run his business

One thing that lacks about him, he doesn't have the desire to inherit his father business if he didn't have any skill to handle it

He proves it

He can handle it well. At that time, he studying his master, running his father's business, and still doing the lecture to other students

Mew invite them to get lunch around noon at his place. Since morning Run and Techno came first to help prepared everything

Really, he can buy everything in this country just for lunch. But his beloved man willingly to cooked it by himself, he even going to the grocery with those two in the early morning

Since he can't cook anything, and Gulf didn't want him to touch his kitchen, Mew just helps by tasting his foods. Not tasting with a bit amount, but eat it with a half plate of the foods

Run scolded him every time he takes a huge amount of the foods

But Gulf just giggled at them. He is whipped. No one can stop him from being this whipped by Mew.

They finished organizing the foods on the table. There is no dining room in his apartment. Usually, both of them will eat in the kitchen, and they have just four chairs surrounding the granite countertop

Today lunch will be in the living room

Gulf walked beside him who sighed deeply after organizing the foods

"Have you done change your clothes?" Mew asked while observing his man

"Is this okay, right?" He showed his black t-shirt with jeans pants

Mew lifting his side eyebrow, then he giggles while pulled him closer by his waist, "I think you will wear long sleeve shirt as you said yesterday"

Gulf shooked his head, "I'm too tired to wearing them. Don't hug me, it's hot"

"Hey! We are still here, don't you see us sitting here?" Techno disturbed this annoying couple before both of them hugging longer

Mew take his hands off from Gulf's waist, then he walked to the door while hearing the bell was rang

Gulf followed him behind. Run and Techno stood up on their place

 _It's them_.

They finally arrive on time. Champ, Tul, and Tong wearing a comfortable t-shirt and bring some stuff

"I didn't serve alcohol" Mew welcomed them bluntly

"Who will be drunk at their lunch? Idiot..." Tong punched Mew's belly slightly with his bag paper

Mew grabbed the paper bag, he peeked on it. _Couple sweatshirt_

Champ comes behind Tong and greeted Gulf first, "How have you been? You seem better"

"I'm better now, much better" Gulf answered with a bright smile

Champ handed a full basket of orange to him. He just passed Mew and didn't greet him, just patted hard his belly

"What's wrong with him" Mew protested while covering his belly. _Again._

Tul hugged Gulf suddenly in front of Mew, he patted his back gently

"What are you doing" Mew tried to separate him from Gulf

"Hello, Gulf. Oh so this is you are" Tul said proudly while staring at him

This is the first time another man hugged him after he been with Mew for a long time. He feels strange and a bit shock. Gulf just smiles slightly and nodding

"You, why you hugged him" Mew scolded him.

Tul leaned over to him, "That's why you fell harder to him" He whispered, "I got you this"

A bottle of wine. The expensive one

All of them are already gathered. They start their lunch while talking about various stuff

There are so many foods that can be chosen, there is spicy shrimp soup, _pad thai_ , _pad krapow (_ fried basil), and his boyfriend's favorite seafood.

When the others busy with their plate, Mew busy with his hand that wrapped Gulf's waist, pulled him closer so there is no space between them

"Aren't you eat?" Gulf asked while moving some _pad krapow_ to his plate

Mew shook his head, "I'm still full from testing all of them"

"You didn't taste it, but you eat it. Just the spicy food you didn't touch it" Run scolded him again

"So, Gulf cooked all of this?" Champ asked

Mew nodding proudly

They keep arguing but didn't forget to eat their lunch happily

In other hands, the unbothered Mew keep put his hand on Gulf's waist, and Gulf keep feeding him even he said he is full

Tul looking around while munching his foods, "Since when are you change the interior?"

Mew shocked, his eyes widen

"Do you know about this?" He asked Gulf while pointing him with a spoon

"He didn't know. He changes it before he came to this place" Tong added

Gulf looked at Mew, his one eyebrow lifted

"What are you talking about? Stop it" Between shy and afraid about his secret can be revealed anytime, Mew begging to stopped

"Why I didn't know anything about this?" Gulf asked firmly

"There is..."

"So he didn't know?" Tong cut Mew's line before he finishes

"So Gulf...." Tull added

Mew shook his head, hopefully, his friends pity him

"Just say it, we want to know too" Techno added

Tul and Tong laughed

"At first the interior was blue and white because he like blue. He designs it with blue, sapphire blue, light blue, dark blue whatever. You can find it in this place" Tul explained with teasing face to Mew

"Then he changes it to black and white since he has the high chance... with you" Tong added

All of them starred at Mew. Mainly Gulf, he needs an answer. He didn't expect Mew would answer exactly like Tong, he wants to Mew to deny it.

"Well..." He scratched his back head, "He like black and white, and I want him to stay here with me"

_Shit. He says it, in front of everyone_

Hearing his answer, Gulf's ears redden, he won't make an eyes contact with Mew, he forcibly feeding himself

Everyone know, Mew too. He hurriedly caressing Gulf's ears while the others just giggling

Champ help Gulf, Techno and Run clean the table. Run was prepared the snack on the countertop with Techno, while Champ approach Gulf who doing wash the dishes

"Seems like you doing great"

"Oh," Gulf bit startled, "Of course. So much better" He answered while focusing on washing the dishes

"Is your problem clear yet?"

Gulf looked at Champ with frowning face

"Some days ago he came and told us..."

"Oooh..."He knows what Champ means, "It's settle, clearly"

"So, did you give him your books?"

"Not yet, having him right now is more important than always remember his wound"

He really changed. He treasures more his man more than before, he willingly brings the same weight as him to continues their relationship.

"Move away!!" Techno's voice easily forces them to stop their conversation. He pushed Champ with his arm, "You didn't wash anything just playing with the water"

Champ take the step back, "We need to talk after this"

Gulf frozen. He becomes third-wheel between them. He doesn't know anything about the development of their relationship. Techno rarely told about Champ to Gulf. He just now that these two are closed. Very closed in different ways. But Gulf always forget to ask Techno about this, and now he facing this situation

"Whatever..."

Gulf heard Champ sighed heavily then left them and join his gang

"You... two.." He keeps moving his eyes between Techno and Champ

"Hmm... I want to tell you today, but he really made me annoyed yesterday" Techno answered while finishing the washing, he even take the last plate from Gulf's hands who still didn't gaze him unbelieve, "It's done. Your husband is coming here, I'll join them now" He slapped Gulf's arm and left him with his husband

Mew frowning looked at Gulf who is frozen. He takes the paper towel to dry Gulf's hand

"What are you doing?"

He awakes now, fully awake, "Hah? Hm... just taking care all of this" He looked at his hands were wiped by Mew's hand. He took it then drying it by himself while drying his hands Mew feeding him a strawberry the big one. His eyes said _what is it_

Mew just laughed and pulled him closer, "Are you tired? Should I call your Mom and tell her that we can't join the dinner?"

They already promised to Gulf's Mom to join the dinner. It is not his Mom who invites them, but his sister. She said want to tell something important. She never forces them to come to the home or join the dinner, but this time she threatens him. She would take over Gulf's room and throw away all his things

"No, she really will throw my things. I'm fine, we still have some time" He smiled lovely to calm his boyfriend

Mew hugged him tightly, resting his head on his shoulder

"Have you done talking with them?"

He shook on his shoulder

It's annoying when all of them gathered then watching them flirt everywhere even in the kitchen

Seems they were invited to watching them

"Hey, we are still here" Tong's voice intruded from living room

Mew loosen his hug, he lost in his world and just back when he heard his friend's voice. They giggled then join them to play games.

They make on-time arrived at Gulf's Mom before they start the dinner

Once his Mom opens the door, the person who always hugs first is Mew. She patted his shoulder, give him a warm hug, as warm as his own mother, take his hand to come in, and give him encouragement

She will forget her son

"Mom... I'm your son" He still standing in front of the door, his Mom doesn't hear him. She walked with Mew to the living room

Gulf sighed, but he never complains. He walked to the dining room, there is his sister who helps his Mom to prepared the dishes. He gazed his Mom and Mew from afar, shook his head, and smiled.

He would be treated like Mew if both come to Mew's house, Gulf will be showering so much love from Mew's Mom like his Mom was done before. That's why he never a complaint

"Let's dinner!" His sister shouted

"What's it about? If it is not important I'll kick you" Gulf teased her sister. He sits opposite of her, so Mew can sit beside him

"Dinner first" She gave him a dead glare

Their parents and Mew join in the dining table. Mew sit beside him, looked at him a curiosity

Gulf just shook his head

Dad and Mom just asked random stuff to Mew, especially his Dad will be asked about work

Every his answer he never forgets to say Gulf's name, even Gulf doesn't know anything he always Gulf like this, Gulf like that

Proud? Of course, he nodding at his answer assign he agreed with his boyfriend

In the middle of their random conversation, his sister hand over an invitation to both of them

They stopped munching their food and read carefully

"Wedding? You will be married?" Gulf hurriedly open the wedding and read the time and the location, "With who?"

"Gulf...." Mew remind him if his question is strange to be heard

"I mean with your boyfriend?"

"Any other guy?" His sister said bluntly

"Why I didn't know about this, the preparation, the proposed?"

"It's done already, next month my wedding, so everything has been prepared well"

"Congratulation, I'll tell my family about this" Mew added

"I already gave them, this noon I came to your house"

"Really?" Both of them answered together. They seem shocked, mainly her own brother. He didn't know anything then she gives them a wedding invitation. It's good news, they keep praising and wishes the best for her

"P'Mew you can sing for my wedding? It's will be beautiful..." She asked with puppy eyes like usually, Gulf do at him

"Of course, as a gift, I'll do it"

"Me?" Gulf asked

"You can dance" answered his Dad. Everyone laughed with this joke except Gulf who is frowning

After they finished dinner. Gulf's Dad talks with Mew. Of course random talk. His Dad always take him to play chess while talked randomly

Gulf never interests in their talk. He always chooses to take shower first or watching tv with his Mom and his sister and left his boyfriend with his Dad

"Let him take a rest, it is midnight already" Gulf's Mom smacked slightly her husband' s back

"But it is not finished yet"

She keeps smacked his back

"Okay, okay. You should rest, my wife will kill me" He joking

"Alright then, I'll take rest first" He answered politely then walked to Gulf's room

The voice of water from faucet can be heard at first he open the door of Gulf's room

The smell of soap lingering the room

He locked the door. Throw himself on the bed gazed on the ceiling

His room has a green wall color, it has so many pictures on the wall or the desk

He wakes up, looking around and looked one by one Gulf's childhood pictures

_So cute_

He pointed the one he takes a photo with his parents

"What are you doing smile alone like crazy?"

Mew didn't hear Gulf was coming and finish his shower

"Oh.. you are done?" He asked looking at him then back looked at the pictures

Gulf hugged him from behind, he still wears the robe. The black robe.

"What's wrong?" Mew asked. It's rare Gulf will hug him first

He can feel Gulf shook his head

"Hey... I want something"

"What?" Gulf lifted his head. _Don't say if you want to do it_

He pulled him closer, smelling the nice smell from Gulf's body. He takes Gulf's hand and put it on the center of his low body

"He is awake" Mew whispered. His whispered always made Gulf got goosebump

"How? What are you doing till he can wake like this?" His eyes widen

"Your room, because it's your room"

He never understands this wild side of his boyfriend

He takes Mew's hand, pulled him to followed Gulf from behind

Gulf sat on the couch. Mew stopped in front of him, he waiting for the other man's action

Gulf reached Mew's pants belt, the pants reveal in one click

His lower body was naked, as he said, it is a half-awake.

He starred at it, then starred at Mew. His hand running on his hair, caressing gently, looked down at him and waiting for him to give him a reward

"Hurry up!" He commands him in a low voice

He didn't need the second command, he holds his favorite big thing without hesitation, slowly jerking his favorite

_Wanna teased him_

Sticking out his tongue but never touch even the tip

"Please..." Mew begged, "Before I going to rough and push your head" he begged but threaten as well

Gulf smirked. He really enjoyed teasing him, his eyes will be changed with lustful

Once again, he sticking out his tongue. This time he starts to lick the tip like ice cream.

Slowly, deeply into the mouth. Going back and forth, he can feel the size is getting bigger in his mouth

Mew's breathing became ragged, gripping his boyfriend's hair, he closed his eyes enjoyed his boyfriend's job while his hand starts to stroking Gulf's back. His one side robe was take off and the other still hanging on his shoulder

"Good...hmm..."

"Are my job good?" He withdrew his favorite

"Don't tempt me like that..." he reached Gulf's chest to toy with the younger man’s nipples, circling around before taking it in between his fingers and squeezing lightly.

His body shivering just by squeezing his chest, he arching his body to ask more

He lifted his body and lying him on the couch. Mew took off his t-shirt toss it anywhere

He opens his robe just a half upper body. He looks at Gulf like he looks at his prey, he really can tear apart him. He seems so hungry and thirsty

"Can I?" He always asked his permission to do his job on his nipples

Gulf nodding, while closed his eyes ready to accept the best pleasure

Start to flicking motions with his fingers, then gradually pinching harder at Gulf’s nipple. He moans softly

"More..." he asked in a hoarse voice

"What do you want me to do? Say it"

"This..." he pointed to his nipple that already hard, "Suck it"

This is the first time he says it on himself, the first he asked to do more on his chest

The other part happily licked it, suck it harder. His low part body keep grinding on Gulf, and he opens his legs wider every time Mew suck his nipples

"Hmm..." he groaned

Mew stopped his sucking while the door was knocking

"Gulf... are you asleep already?"

_His mom in front of the door_

"Mom, they have already slept. Just tell him tomorrow" His sister added

Without he realized it, Gulf's rod on full hardness while his Mom and sister in front of the door

"Are you excited?" Mew tried to grind more. His legs suddenly wrapped tightly on his waist and followed Mew's rhythm of grinding

His moan raise

"Your voice... they will hear your moan" Mew back on his job sucking his nipples

"The door... wait...hmm"

He kissed him. Gulf is very vocal every time they do it.

Sucking his tongue is one of way to make his voice not too loud

"Did you know... I forget to lock it" Mew whispered in his ear. His hobby is sucking his partner, now he sucking Gulf's neck

"Waiit...aah... wait" he forced him to stop

"Kidding" he giggled

He put his hands on Mew's neck, pulled him closer

"Do me, please"

At first, Mew who is horny, but now look, Gulf more excited and asked more

"My pants and robe is hurt me. Wanna take it off"

Mew didn't ask or answered anything, he took it off. He sees the way Gulf’s member is rock hard now, tip peeking out and dripping precum as it’s pressed against the panties. all are wet

"Open your legs"

He opens immediately. Showing his wet ass because bis own precum, his ass is twitching so much

Mew grabbed Gulf's tight with one hand, then shove his one finger

Make him moan softly

he adding two fingers in and out steadily, stretching and rubbing his walls so he can prepare this hole perfectly

His moan not getting better, he covered his mouth with his own hand

"Enough... Not your fingers. Inside me, used this" He holds Mew's big thing

"Beg me then, your hole really want it"

"I want it so bad" he bites his lip, try to reach his hole and pointed it, "Here... hmm... please do me"

He places it in front of his hole, the tip. Just the tip, but Gulf's hole really wants to eat it all. He inserts it slowly

"Let's do it in the bathroom, so I can hear you moaning sexily"

Before he lifted him, he already put it inside him. He lifted him while his thing keeps rubbing his hole's wall

"Hmm... too deep.." he bites Mew's shoulder to prevent his moaning. Every step he takes, Mew's rod keep hitting Gulf's spot

Step into the bathroom, he closed the door, placed Gulf againts the wall, and continue thrust roughly

The sound of two body against each other fully the bathroom

"Feel so full...aah" Gulf start talking nonsense when he feels the pleasure that Mew gives him

"Get down... let me feels you more" He pulled out his thing. Guided him to hold onto the toilet, and showed his ass to Mew

Slowly insert his cock then shove it back in deeply. Both of them moaning in their pleasure, his thrusts speeding up now unconsciously.

"Faster..." Gulf begged pleasantly

He gives him the faster thrust, the roughly one, while his one hand keep stroking Gulf's cock

Gulf keep his body closer to him, he needs more, he needs deeper even now Mew's cock already reached his spot

"Wanna come... ahh... faster" He stroked his own with Mew's hand on it.

White ropes of come shooting around messily from the fast movements of Mew’s hand and his hand. The way Gulf’s hole clenches even tighter around him makes Mew groan throatily, the walls wrapped around him creating that delicious friction

Mew’s moan draws out as his thrusts get messy and uncoordinated before he plants himself deep inside Gulf’s warmth, releasing his load

Gulf fell back on Mew while is a thing still inside him. They are panting then giggled together

"Let me help you to take it off" He lifted Gulf and sit him on the toilet

"Look.. your hole open widely, and my sperm leak everywhere" Mew gazed amazingly onto Gulf's hole

He can't fight back, his energy was used up

"Don't look..." He covered it with his palm

"Why?" He pouted his lips, "It looks so beautiful, amazing, and delicious" He holds Gulf's hand so he can look again his favorite place

"It's can't take all my sperm, keep leaking out"

"You shoot it like a liter of water how can it fit?" He pulled Mew's jaw and give him a slight kiss on lips to distract him from his hole. He kisses him back on the forehead

"I love you..."

In the morning...

Gulf wakes up first, he comes out from his room leaving his boyfriend who is still sleeping.

He still wears pajamas, rubbing his eyes then found his Mom and sister in the kitchen

"Before you back, let's breakfast together" His Mom patted his shoulder

He gazed her while drinking of water, "Mom" he called after finished it, "He needs to go to work, I didn't bring clothes for him, he will be late"

"Mom already prepared a suit for him" She pointed with her chin

A light brown suit, with a white long sleeve shirt, and light brown necktie. Gulf walked over and checked it

"For what?"

"A gift. We are never giving him anything. Take it to your room, Mom want to do the laundry"

"Suddenly give him a gift?" He never asked his family to gave him a gift, either Mew he never asked anything

"Hey" His sister called while cleans the counter, "Don't you want to marry him?"

_Suddenly she asked something that always he avoids_

Gulf shook his head

"Why? You have been dating him 6 years, right?"

"Is it necessary? Being together, living together is enough, right? P', remember we are both guys" he fully awake now

"Can't guys get married?"

"..."

He froze. The weight in the heart feels more weight because of her question.

"It is not a simple matter to him, no I mean us"

"How? What is it about?"

"Imagine if everyone around him found out that he is a date, no I mean married a man. His father has a big business, has a good impact and environment, his sister has a restaurant and got so many VVIP visitors. Wouldn't they be ashamed of their son, her brother married a man? Mew himself leading the biggest company, he is a well-known businessman. How can he introduce me as his husband? I maybe became someone who is ruining their work, their bonding with the others"

All he said is about Mew's factors. The way he worried him more than his own life, he is thinking all about those alone and never spoke up until now

"It would be good enough being or living together than those couples who are bound by a marriage law. It is just a piece of a paper, just a dream"

"You should talk about this with him, I think he really wants to married with you. He loves you so much"

They didn't know that the person of this conversation has listened from the beginning. He stands in the doorway, his bright eyes were disappeared, he sighed deeply then turned and leave back to their room

He doesn't want Gulf to know about his listening to their conversation. Take a shower is the best distraction from him who is taking his steps to back at his room

The fake smile he put on his face. Gulf comes to bring the suit and give it to him

"It's looking good on you" He tried to fix the necktie

Usually, Mew will be put his hands on Gulf's waist, gazed on him, or just fixed his hair on his face

But this morning he just dazed and give him a slight smile

On their way, Mew really didn't talk to him. Every time Gulf asked something, he just answered shortly and didn't pay attention to much to him

It's annoyed him even more

"What's wrong with you?"

"..."

He really holds to not lost his calm

"Are you angry with me or what? Say it, use words. Don't you have a mouth?" He frustrated

They arrived in front of their apartment building. Gulf open the car's door and comes out

"You better took your day off, and we talk about this," he said before he slapped the door

"But I don't want to talk about this" he answered through the window

"You! Whatever..."

He sighed. Drive the car to the basement while calling Run

"Run, I think I can't work today"

_"What's wrong? Are you sick or Gulf sick?"_

"No, just another quarrel"

_"Aah... alright, you should talk nicely, don't say bad words. Don't break up"_

Gulf already put the food that had packed from his house to the fridge

He still didn't know about what he angry at

He suddenly silent on their way home, and he didn't deny it either when Gulf asked he is angry or not

He has never been angry. He never leaves him in silence before. But he knew well how is Mew angry

He will remain silent, didn't give him attention and answered shortly

Dating him in a long time, how could he not know about his behavior

"What's wrong with you?" His voice raised, "How can I know if you didn't tell me. Am I a deity?"

"Listen, If we talked about this. This is never be done in a short time. Just let me be, and then I'm will be okay" He took off his suit and the necktie. Put it on the couch

"Don't say okay if it's just a pretending"

"So what do you want to know? I will say it but can you give it to me? Surely we will argue about this...."

_Yes, it is right. He heard about his conversation. It is about their wedding_

"Don't you ashamed of having me as your husband-wife? I do this for your sake" his voice raised gradually

"Why are you mind another sake? It's mine, and my family not yours. Just doing what you can..."

In a moment he realized his words are too harsh to Gulf. He doesn't mean in a bad way, he just wants to Gulf not thinking about the future in a bad way, but he can't arrange the words of a good

Gulf frozen hearing those words come from his mouth. He bites his lips, gazed him expressionless

"I'll go" he can't change the fact that his words really hurt him. Mew saw him as a strange person, and not his in life

He grabbed his arm, "Sorry, I didn't mean that way. I'm sorry, don't go. I'll go instead, you stay here"

His eyes looked at the Gulf, but he didn't look back.

"Just to know, I love you, and I really want to married with you. I'm sorry with my words..."

Mew never want the past repeated, when he let his hands, he really let everything about him vanished

Then he chooses to go, go out of this house for a while. Until both of them calm and get the best answers...


	18. A Little Happiness

_I miss him_

It's been two weeks since their last conversation, Mew has left him in the apartment. Give him a lot of time alone to thinking about Mew's want. The wedding.

A week, he didn't go anywhere. Just spent a whole week in the apartment. He is doing the household, re ironing Mew's shirt. He was imagined that he will come when ironing his shirt one by one, but he already ironing the same shirt thrice.

He gazed every time on the phone, expect his boyfriend will call him

But nothing happened

This makes him frustrated

Gulf stood up from the couch, saved his phone in his pocket jeans. He walked to take the car key

Mew gave him a car two months ago, but he never been really used it before.

Sat on the passenger, enjoying ths view through the windows, hearing Mew humming his favorite song is his favorite moments in the car

It's didn't mean he can't drive, he just likes it. He likes it as Mew's passenger

Gulf give up

He decided to go out with Techno at 8 PM, and now it's 6 PM

He is heading to the bar first, clear up his head by driving around

_Isn't he miss me? It's been two weeks already. Should I call him first? That's mean I agree with him about the wedding_

Gulf messed up his hair by his left hand. This time is the first time Mew was angry at him, he never been angry or never miss to called Gulf even a day

They have through a lot of struggles, but for Gulf this is his first time feels Mew's emotion

"I already in front of your house" He called Techno by phone

"Wait, didn't you say it's 8 pm? And now just 7 pm, I just finished take shower" the hairdryer as Techno's background can be heard through the phone

"I'll wait here" He didn't care about his friend's complaint

"Shit, he always does what he wants" Techno mumbled. He finished his hair as soon as possible, wear a blue t-shirt and jeans pants. although he dislikes Gulf's habits, he surely approaches his best friend as soon as possible, as quickly as he can.

In 10 minutes Techno already sit beside him. Gulf didn't say anything, he waits Techno put his seatbelt then ready to go

"How long is it?" Techno tried to break the black atmosphere in the car

"2 weeks"

Yes, Gulf told him. But he didn't tell him the reason for their fight this time. Usually, Techno will know everything about them, it's because his best friend who cause the trouble, not his husband.

"Not even once?" He is still curious like it's impossible Mew would do this to him

"No. Look my phone I can throw it now through this window" He holds his phone and ready to toss it away

"Wait... wait" Techno takes his phone forcibly, and saves it in his pocket, "Don't destroy things if you mad. You have been cured, dude"

Aah.. he is right. Gulf really changes, he seems reborn with a new personality, new brain, and new feeling after he got hospitalized. The more bright, calm, and doesn't have suicide thought

Since this morning Gulf didn't eat anything. He just makes himself full by water, and now he is throwing tantrum for himself. Right now is his fifth bottle of beer.

"I don't like him!" This first sentence comes out from his lips after he drinks all those bottles

Techno has tried to stop him, but he couldn't do anything. He will scream like a crazy old man when Techno stopped him, and his friend, of course, didn't want to get embarrassed by him

"How can he didn't even give me a call for 2 weeks!!" Gulf put his head on the table, his fingers playing with the glass. He really likes a drunk old man.

"Let's go home. You are drunk" Techno tried to hold him

"Let go!!" He yelled while stood up suddenly. Then he laughed, "just Mew can hold me", he starred at Techno, "But you are my friend. Hold me then..." he gives his hand to Techno

Techno shrugs his shoulders, shook his head, and back to his chair, "So, what's the reason behind your quarrel?"

Techno can't touch the liquor, he should send his best friend to go home safely, or both of them could dead instead on their way.

Gulf pouted his lips, like a child

"You brat, answer me!!"

"Wedding!! He won't marry me but I won't" he raised his voice

Shock.

Techno couldn't believe what's he heard. So why they fight about happy things while others will accept happily

He sighed, "just marry him"

"Stupid, No" Last words from him before he unconscious on the table

Techno's sighed more heavily. He grabbed Gulf's body, helped him to walk, paying the bill and send him to his parent's house

How can he dare leave him alone in his apartment, Techno doesn't want the past to happen again.

He really wants to stay a night at his house, Techno really closed to his family. But he can't, he should back, he has a bunch of work tomorrow

In the morning

Gulf wakes up with a pale face, his head hurt. His eyes caught someone.

_Mew?_

"Are you okay?"

_But the voice is not him_

"Hey!!" His sister waved her palm in front of him

"Oh..." his voices hoarse

"How much you drank? Your head must be hurt" she handed a glass of warm honey. Gulf takes it, sipped it slowly. His head really killing him.

"Why do you come with your friend. Where is your boyfriend?"

_She is really annoying sometimes. Wanna kick her_

"Sis, please ... my head is hurt"

"Ahh... you are fighting with him, right?" She still teased him

Gulf put the glass on the desk. Leave his sister alone in his room, mumbling about his boyfriend. He wrapped his body over the head with the blanket

Thinking about him while closing his eyes is the best way right now. Usually, Mew will wake him up. Caressing his ear or gazed him waiting he wakes up, then he smiles brightly, more than the sun in the morning, greeting him with the best morning kiss

He will take care of him when he sick like this time. He becomes the busiest person, cleans up his body, changes his clothes, even made him a messy porridge. Sometimes to be sick is his favorite thing, he can see his boyfriend's different side

Mew is a calm person, it's rare he would express a worried or rush about something. But if it comes to Gulf he would express it clearly.

He sits up suddenly tossed the blanket away.

"Why are you sighed heavily?" His mom comes when he sighed and echoing the room. She sits on the edge of the bed.

"Mom...." he is hesitate 

"A quarrel? Are you doing bad things to him or him who hurt you?" She always knows without Gulf tell the details

"Not both of them. I just..." He didn't want to talk it now. "My head hurt. Do Mom have some painkillers?" Changed the topic is his skill when he didn't want to talk about something

She put a bowl of porridge, a glass of water and medicine on the desk beside the bed

"You should eat first, take the medicine then take a rest" she placed her hand on her son's shoulder, "Son, sometimes you just need to call him if you miss him that bad and didn't want ruin your relationship" she smiled warmly leaving her only son.

"How can I call him first if I didn't have the right answer for him" he talked alone while eating his porridge

"But, how Mom knows that I miss him..."

He tried to flashback to yesterday night.

Techno has held him, and his mom helps Techno to bring him to his room.

"Mom..." he called his Mom like a child. His Mom and Techno just exchanged a stare

"Mom.... why I miss him this much, but why he didn't give me a call" Gulf whimpered on their way to his rooms

No one can answer him, his Mom and Techno just laid him down, covered him with a blanket and left him slept

"Was I...." He grabbed his hair by two hands. He is shocked to realize about what happened yesterday. Not finished yet with the shock, his phone ringing.

There is a little hope and happiness when his phone finally ringing

He answered it immediately without check the screen

"Mew... I'm sick, my head is killing me..." once again he whimpered

_"Gulf, it's me... Tong"_

Hearing those voices, he put away his phone from his ear, checked the name number, and it's right. He is not Mew

_"Are you sick?"_

"It's okay, I just... just drunk yesterday"

_"Do you need me to comes to your parent's house? Sorry I was stayed up in the operation room till dawn and just check your voice mail"_

"Hah..?" Another confusing scene for him, "Did I call you P'?"

_"Oh.. Don't you remember? You should check your recent dial. If you need me to comes..."_

"It's okay..." He cut Tong's line, "I'm sorry about yesterday..." His voice almost can't be heard

_"Do you need me to call him for you?"_

Tong just called him, he even can't see Gulf in person. But he suddenly stood up while hearing his words

"No, no, need. I'm fine. It's okay"

_"Alright then, call me if you need anything"_

After Tong hangs up, Gulf really checks his recent dial. There are 10 times he called Tong's, and twice he sends a voice messages

"What I have done?" He really wants to scream loudly

_Ring_

A message comes

_"Have you awake already? I didn't have a chance to answer yesterday, because you hung up first. We are on a business trip overseas, his phone was non-actived since we left Thailand. We will back soon"_

Run texted him. He didn't wonder anymore how everyone knows about his condition. The alcohol really made him like a stupid person, he called Tong and Run a bunch of times, but he didn't call him even once.

"Gulf" His sister come in to bring him warm water, "What are you doing?!!" She almost rolled her eyes out when seeing her brother's head on the floor but his body on the bed

"Just left me...." his soul leaving his body

She walked closer, ended up help him to go back on his bed

"Is it a really bad fight? Is he really can come to my wedding?"

_She helped me but her concern is her wedding_

Gulf turns off his phone. He didn't want to look at his stupidity, ended his hope about his boyfriend will calling him

"He will come, he keeps his word. Don't worry"

At that day, when they were on quarrel and Mew decided to left their apartment

He comes to Tong's apartment, took off a day and spent a day full to slept

He knew, if he talks to Gulf right now there is no solution, it's will got worse

But in his heart, he really wants to talk with him, wants to give him a call

A week Mew waiting for Gulf to called him first, but nothing happened. He gave up as his phone running out of battery and he hadn't known at all

Keep waiting for his phone like a stupid

The work force him to give them his attention

He really forgot that both of them had a quarrel over two weeks

Run accompany him. This time remind him of their break up time because of Gulf's want to break up

Mew work, eat, and slept like usual but if someone closed enough with him. It's so obvious.

His happiness, warmness, calmness are gone

You won't found a warm gazed from him

Won't found his happy laugher from him

That guy still effected this much for him, but Mew seems doesn't realize it

"There is call for you" Run handed his phone

Mew looked at that phone, "Your phone? Who?"

Run just shaken his hand

"Hmm..." he answered

"You!! Where is your phone, why I can't call you!!" His voice really can be heard from the other side without this phone. Mew took away his phone from his ear while his friend shout loudly

"Calm down, my phone is here with me" he tapping his phone screen, but nothing it's doesn't turn on

Run give him a sign that his phone runs out of battery. He closed his eyes and shook his head

"It's turn off, sorry I didn't check it"

"I just want to tell you about this, although he said he forbid me to tell you. Gulf is sick, he is at his parent's house"

He lost his thought, "How... Why..."

"I think he drank with Techno..."

While Tong explains the actual situation his right hand reached a paper and scratched on it _"Book me a flight right now, we must go back now"_

He gives the paper to Run who is busy preparing their documents

Run raised his eyebrows, waiting for further explanation.

"I need to hang up now, I need to rush to him"

"Wait... you don't ...."

Mew hang up first. Handed back Run's phone

"Right now!" He commanded, "He is sick"

"But we have an appointment in an hour"

"Tomorrow, let's back tomorrow after I see him"

His unclear brain working right now. His will to back and forth from another country to Thailand like, back and forth from his house to Gulf's house

Run can't protest except doing what he commands to him. He keeps scrolling the phone, calling someone to get their ticket back, calling the other person to fix their sudden schedule. He is super busy if his boss having an unclear brain

While Mew helping him get packed their documents

"Just leaving everything here, we will back tomorrow. Let's go" He dragged Run walkout from their hotel room

"The tickets...."

"On our way. I know you can get it"

His confidence never stopped him from being so forcibly. However if Run didn't get the tickets, he can be settled by himself, and get that tickets easily

On their way, Mew charged his phone. He and run sit on the passenger seat.

Run still busy taking care all the mess up because of his boss

The driver already give them farewell greeting when arrived at the airport, but Mew told him to pick them up again tomorrow

Shock. Of course. How can someone can back and forth that easily

"It's all set up. The hotel, the tickets, the schedule" He takes their passport from his bag, give it to Mew. They are really on their way back to Bangkok

"Great"

"But..." Run looked at his watch, "Probably at midnight you can visit him"

"It's okay..."

No more conversation. The calm Mew Suppasit is just bullshit when is coming to his boyfriend. This man never getting a rush and idiot if it is not about his boyfriend.

If he can drive the plane by himself maybe he really flights faster than any pilot in the world and can crush the plane by landing forcibly in front of Gulf's home

Fortunately, he didn't have everything on his hand

Tong pick them up. He bought a bouquet of blue hydrangea, and a basket full of fruits. His best friend asked him to bought it for him, he knows even looking around on city he can't get it, it's already midnight

The worries can be seen on his face. He didn't talk too much, keep tapping his phone screen, but his phone doesn't totally recharge. It's just shown black.

Tong gazed at Run who sits beside him in the front row, he sighed several times looking his friend

"I'll wait here, I can greet them later," Tong said when they arrived in front of Gulf's house

It's 11 pm right now.

Run helped him to bring the fruits and keep on the eye if he doing something unnecessary

Mew knocked on the door. There is a bell door but he prefers to knock because it's too late to come to someone's house. He knocked several times

 _"Alright... alright wait... who is it in this hour?"_ Mew can hear Gulf's dad's voice coming closer to the door

"Dad..." the first word he said when he opens the door.

Gulf's Dad looked shocked. He never imagines that this guy would come this late

"Can I come in? I need to see him..." his voice can be heard so desperate. He afraid if his parents don't give him permission to see their son because they have fought in a long time

"Who is ..." Gulf's Mom walked over to the door, "How can you come here so late? Don't you going on a business trip?"

He looks so messy. The suit that he wears was wrinkled all over. The necktie loosened. Just looking at him Gulf's parents know that he was in rushed, he looked so tired but it's covered well with his worries

He doesn't answer their question, "I just need to see him, I heard that he is sick"

Gulf's parents just nodding their heads in confusion. Run handed the basket of fruit to his Mom, he greetìng them politely

"I'll come to pick up you at 6, be ready before that time. Don't forget to charge your phone"

Mew just nodding. Seeing his friend already left him, he just have some time to meet him.

"You can come to his room" Gulf's dad give him full permission to him to move

He brings the bouquet with him. Coming to his room, and he sees his boyfriend has slept under the blanket.

The blue hydrangea was left on the couch in his room

Mew sits down on ths floor, caressing his boyfriend's forehead

_He still has a fever_

Carefully he gets away the blanket, Gulf was covered with sweat, his pajamas were wet, he was delirious because of his fever

He stood up. Take a basin with warm water and a towel from Gulf's toilet.

He takes off one by one his clothes, makes sure he didn't wake him up.

Mew was looking around to look for his new pajamas. In right time his Mom was coming and pat his back, give him a pair of pajamas for Gulf

"Thank you" he whispered

His mom left him again. He doesn't bother how she knows that he was looking for Gulf's pajamas

He changed successfully his pajamas. Make him sleep more comfortable, covering him with the same blanket until it reaches his chin

Mew placed the wet towel on his forehead. He always can sit beside him, but this time he sits on the floor

Gazed his beloved one who never been contacted over 2 weeks

Gently he holds his hand, put head beside his hand

"Sorry, I hadn't called you sooner. Sorry for leaving you so long"

Until he fell asleep he keeps mumbled these words, "Please don't get sick"

Gulf's door room didn't close well. His mom and dad can see what Mew doing. When get the basin and towel, clean him up, took off their son's clothes, it makes them soften. How can he take care of their son so pricelessly

The way he holds their son's hand and rests his head beside him, it makes them in tears

Remind that time, Gulf forcibly want to break up with him

"Let's go!" Gulf's dad whispered and caressing his wife's shoulder

"Wait..." she walked to the door to close it. And he listens to Mew's mumbling _"please don't get sick"_

She covered her mouth while closing the door. The tears are rolling down on his cheeks

How lucky they are having him as their second son, as their son's special person. Even their love can't be accepted easily in society

Mew left in the early morning, around 5 am before anyone wakes up, he didn't take a shower. It makes a day he didn't take a bath just to rush to his boyfriend

He left a note on the dining table _"Dad, Mom, I should back early. Thank you for taking care of him"_

Gulf's mom who found the note just sighed

"Mom..."Her son's voice from his room echoing everywhere, "Did you change my clothes?" He walked closer to his mom

His mom touch his forehead, feels his fever

_He didn't need medicine, he is better than yesterday_

"Mom"

"I didn't..."

He feels something strange

"Mom, I keep dreaming of him take care of me, then my pajamas was changed. Should I call him? Then why there is a hydrangea in my room?"

His mom gazed at him deeply. Seems her son was really sick yesterday, till he can't distinguish the real between dream

"You should tell him, Mom" His sister walked away

His mom handed the note from Mew. He read it silently, thinking hard in second. Looked at his mom, back to the note

"Mom let me borrow your phone" he whispered while gazed on the note

He scrolls up the screen, to find his boyfriend's number. The name on the phone was written by his name but his Mom added a heart sign after his name. The first time he knows this. He wants to chuckle but he didn't have time to do it.

He used his mom's phone because he turns off it since yesterday, and he knows he can't make it on time if waiting to turn it on

"Where are you!!" He said piercingly once the opposite said his greeting

 _"Oh, are you awake? How's your condition?"_ His voice so calm, very different with his voice yesterday

"Where are you? Why are you leaving me again?"

_"I should take care of the work, I left everything and rushed back to Bangkok to met you yesterday. How's your fever?"_

Gulf stunned by his words. He hurriedly back here then going to take care of his work again, what is he doing, "It's better..." he mumbled

_"I just have 2 minutes to talk before..."_

"I miss you..." he interrupted

"..."

He can't see it but, definitely, Mew's lips were smiling. The brightest smiling ever in a month

"When are you back?"

_"At your sister's wedding. Please wait for me, it's just several days before I take long days off. Don't get sick.."_

"Back... safely," he said hesitantly

_"Please wait for me. I love you...."_

What's the feeling in his chest right now. Happiness, or sad, or amazed. It's hurt his chest

Just because he was sick, he left everything, he left his work for him

That means he is more important than his work. Than anything

And now, he knew who took his pajamas off, who brought him a blue hydrangea, who placed a wet towel on his forehead

_Maybe I just miss him not really sick_


	19. An Important Part

His sister's ceremony wedding has done. They have said their vow to each other

Her wedding just a simple garden wedding, both of his sister and her husband just invited family and close friends

Grace choose the blush pink as her wedding theme. It's such a beautiful wedding.

She wearing long sleeve ivory lace dress. She is so beautiful. It's her idea to have a western wedding

Her husband wearing blue lane tuxedo

Both of them looks gorgeous

The guests are talking with the others while enjoying the dessert. Mew's mom and his sister who is done for the dessert

Gulf keeps holding his phone from the first time the wedding was held. He didn't find Mew

He can't be reached. The last conversation between them is 26 hours ago, Mew said he would come

But he didn't appear until his sister was done with her vow, and the piano just stand still no one touch it

His family arrived since morning to help them, but they don't know about him either

"Didn't he tell you?" He asked Champ

"No. Run too doesn't say anything to me. Maybe he has something to take of"

Gulf just sighed heavily.

_I already promise to my sister, but he didn't come. How can I give an excuse to her_

Gulf looked at his sister from afar. She seems doesn't matter at all. She talking with her friends happily

He tried to not thinking about it, continue talking with Champ and Techno

After a long talking Techno smile slightly without any reason. He gazed at Champ.

"What's wrong?" Gulf interrupted

"You should talk to him first, he is here" Champ answered

He looks confused about what Champ said

"Gulf..."

He feels a hand. A familiar hand placed on his waist from behind.

He turns back

Someone who is has been waiting for

Someone with a familiar voice, smell, and hands is standing in front of him

He is shocked. His eyes are dilate

Mew pulled him closer. He placed his right hand on Mew's chest

"I'm here..." he said while smiling brightly

A word didn't come out from Gulf's mouth. He keeps gazed him

_A month. I didn't see you for a month_

Gulf punched him slightly with his right hand, "you were late... and you..." he looked down to hold his tears because of missing so much

Mew wrapped him tightly with his hands, "I'm sorry. The flight was canceled, I was tried to looking for another flight" He said on his ear

He doesn't want to answer it. He gives him a hug too. Finally, he can feel the warm temperature of his beloved one

"Let's go," Mew said

"Where?"

"Piano"

"But you haven't greeted my sister..."

"I already greet them before comes to you" He holds his hand, take him to walk along to the piano

They are sitting on the bench in front of the piano

"I can't play it..."

"Just stay still, listen to it"

His long fingers are starting to dance on the tuts. The beautiful melody was to fulfill in the garden. Everyone gazed are pointed at him, but Mew's gazed just directly to him

Canon in D melody accompanies everyone. Giving happiness to the bride and groom

Gulf looked at him with amazed and proud gazed

He never tired of looking at his boyfriend

After the party was done, Gulf's mom asked them to go back first

Since Mew just arrived this noon, and today is their first meet after one month

They are going back to their apartment

Mew taking a shower first, while Gulf preparing their pajamas

He laid down on the bed. He misses this bed so much

He closed his eyes, enjoying his favorite scent of the perfume room

"Take a shower first, then let's sleep" Mew tapped on his forehead. He was done with the shower, wearing the bathrobe

"Hm.." Gulf still closed his eyes

"Gulf..."

He takes a deep breath. Open his eyes, then walked to the bathroom.

Mew was waiting for him on the bed. He is so sleepy and tired for the long work and canceled flight this morning

"Let's sleep" He spread his right hand on beside

Gulf crawled onto him. Laid his head on his chest, perfectly warped with Mew's hands

"Don't you want to talk with me?" He stared at him

Mew knows what he means, what talk that he wants to discuss about

He starred back, "I don't want to have a fight with you, I'm so tired. My answer is I'll stand with you, and I agree with you"

"Give me a kiss"

"Gulf..."

"Just kiss" he pouted his lips

Mew give in. He smiled slightly and give him a kiss. A deep kiss. Mew didn't need permission to intrude Gulf's mouth. He opened it by himself, give Mew full access. Sucking each other tongue.

He sucked his favorites lip, the upper lip. Bite it a little then licked it, give Gulf much pleasure, and made him moan unconsciously

Mew breaks the kiss, wiped the string of their saliva on Gulf's mouth with his thumb

"Let's sleep" he smiled widely

Gulf nodding and placed his head back to Mew's chest. His favorite position.

He can feel Mew caressed his back with his right hand. Maybe this habit that made him can't sleep without him

"Good night" He whispered enjoyed the endearment from his boyfriend

Mew didn't answer it. He gives a slight kiss on his head. His left hand pulling the blanket to cover them perfectly. Wrapping him in his hug is the best healing from the tiredness

_I love him so much. If we can't deal with the wedding, as long as we are together then is enough. The second time separate from him is enough. I'll take his answer as my answer too, I can't force him to say yes on everything._

On the morning

He was awake when he didn't find Gulf beside him. A note was placed on the pillow. He rubbed his eyes, and read it

_"Are you awake? I help your mom with grocery. She says want to cook here. I already made hot milk, I think not hot anymore. Go wash your face._

_Beside the cup, there is a flash drive. Watch it please"_

The note was long enough. Mew saved it on the drawer. He did the first routine like Gulf's asked to him.

Washed his face, then he walked to the kitchen and grabbed his warm milk

"What it is for?" He takes the flash drive and inserts it on television. He sits on the couch, takes the remote and chooses the folder on the flash drive to play it

 _"I can't do this. Really who is an idea this from?"_ Gulf's voice was heard on the first time he plays it

He just giggled when sipping his warm milk

A second, a melody was playing in the video

_It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do~~_

His eyes dilated from the beginning this song was heard

He put the cup on the table. Stood up closer on the screen

Gulf dance awkwardly in the video sync with the song

_It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do_

_Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you ~~_

He wears a suit. A black suit, holding a bouquet of flowers. Spinning, dancing shyly. The background place was changed several times. He knows at first is Techno's home, then Gulf's parents' home and the last is their apartment

_Don't say no no no no no Just say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah And we'll go go go go go If you're ready like I'm ready~~_

He was kneeling. Give the bouquet to the screen and smiled widely

"Let's get married," he said before the video was ended

He stunned.

The tears were rolling on his cheeks unconsciously. His right palm covering his mouth. There are feels of butterflies flying in his chest. He was flustered, there is happiness, touched, sad in one emotion

After one minute he conscious from the flustered, he grabbed his phone. Calling his boyfriend, but the phone was left in the bedroom. He tried to call his mom, but the phone was turned off. He called his sister the last choice

"Where is Mom?" The first words he says when his sister is in line with him

"Buying some stuff with your man. He said he already told you"

"Where are they go?"

"I don't know. What's happen? Aah... I think close with your place since Mom said to want to teach Gulf some dishes"

Without an answer. He cut it. Tossed the phone on the couch, grabbed his car key, and walk hurriedly to the door

"So, this is enough Mom? Do you want anything else?" Gulf talked with Mew's Mom on their way to the apartment

"It's okay, we can buy again later"

He pressed the code and opened the door. In a second Mew was standing behind the door with shook face

"What are you doing? Where are you want to go?" He looked at him from toes to head. He wearing a sneaker on his right, and sandal on his left the pajamas still on his body

"Why... you wear.."

Before he done with his words. Mew hugged him tightly. Tightly till his hand's vein was come out

"Wait... I can't breathe..." This is the first time Gulf struggled to take off his hands from him

Mew loosen a bit

"What's wrong? Are you sick?"

He hugged him again

"Mew, there is Mom behind me" He whispered

Mew stepped back. His Mom appeared from Gulf's behind

"I'll take this. You can continue, but please do it inside the house" His Mom walked over and take the bags that Gulf brings. She can't hide the smile on her face.

The two of them just silent

Gulf closed the door and standing still at the doorway

"So, what is it?" He pointing on Mew's foot while giggling

"Don't laugh"

"I didn't" but he still giggling

"I have watched it"

"..."

"The flash drive. The video"

His face turned red from his ears to his cheeks

"Why are you shy suddenly?" Mew pulled him closer, "So..."

Gulf nodding even Mew doesn't finish his words. He hides his face on Mew's shoulder.

"Mom!!! He wants to marry me" Mew shouted

Gulf covering his mouth with his hands

His Mom just smiled widely in the kitchen unwrapping their stuff

Everyone knew about this. Their family, their friends. Just Mew who didn't know about this

There is a time of turning point about Gulf's final decision. He handles it by himself while waiting for him to back to Bangkok

He needs more than a week to back

After Gulf called him that day, Mew always texted him every time. There are some day hi didn't text him, because he should take care of his work

Gulf understands it. He never complains. As long as they are not into a quarrel, it is okay he didn't text him

At this time for waiting for him back. He take an initiative for himself, for their future, for their relationship

If Mew already gave so much to him, he should give him back

He decides to meet his friends. Tong and Champ. Techno was helped him to met them

At Champ's apartment

They are having lunch together. Tong got his first day off in 2 weeks. Today is Champ and Techno's day off

They willingly give their precious day off for their best friend's relationship

After done with the lunch

Techno was sitting in the kitchen. He didn't dare to disturb the conversation, he can hear it, but he doesn't want to join them

Gulf, Champ, and Tong was gathered and sitting on the living room

The tension between them is no joke

Champ and Tong waiting for Gulf to start, they have been knowing what the matter it is about

But they want Gulf to ask first

"Tell me everything. Every small thing that I don't know when I was hospitalized and break up with him"

"You should go first, about the flowers," Tong asked Champ

Champ sighed heavily, "Those flowers"

Gulf nodded he waiting patiently

"He was giving it directly to you sometimes. Do you remember, I always take you to walk out at a random time? The reason is..." Champ looked at Tong. He giving hem a nodding as a sign to continue, "He was there. Looking at you, from Tong's office. Tong helped him to met you undirectly"

Gulf has never been going to Tong's office before

His mouth opened a bit. He gazed at Champ and Tong, gazed of unbelievable

"If I hadn't done it, maybe he died a long time ago. He can't even survive just a day. He is life but not life" Tong added

Gulf bites his bottom lip. He really tried so hard to hold his tears

Champ handed a little box on the table. A black little box with white ribbon

"At first Tong who picked this, but He asked me to keep it"

Gulf holds it. He doesn't have any bravery to opened it. His heart knows what it is.

"On the day you broke up with him. That day is the day he wants to give this to you. He prepared this 1 month, but you choose to ended his hope. He still keeps this for 2 weeks after the break-up, but he can't do any longer, so he was throwing this on the trash bin "

Right after the explanation was ended his tears are rolling down. He holds it tightly, bowed his head and cried soundlessly

"I saw it, then I picked it up, and gave it to Champ. If someday you never decided to back with him, I asked Champ to give this to you" Tong continued

"Open it. It's very beautiful" Champ tried to change the topic

Gulf lifted his head, tried to open it carefully. There are two rings. He took it, it has number 8 shaped if the rings were matching in the right point.

It has a small diamond in between the number 8 shaped, their name and their first date was carved inside the ring

"It's so beautiful," He said while crying

"He made the design, and it matched each other. This side has both of your initial name" Champ showed the other side

It has their initial name MG but on each ring, so the initial would form when the ring united

He cried even harder. Never, he never imagines that Mew would do this much. And he knows nothing.

Techno walked closer to him and caressing his back. There is no life in the living room. There is just Gulf's crying sound can be heard

He back to the apartment. He needs 2 days to calm down himself. Just dazed, laid, and cried all day while holding tightly the box of rings

His puffy eyes showed so much

He just realized that the last time eat something is the lunch with them

His emotion is tired for cried all day long

He went to his home. He wants to talk with his parents. He brings along the rings

"Mom," He said when his Mom helping his sister

"Oh, are you back?" His Mom give him a slight hug, "Do you sleep at your apartment?" She asked without giving him attention. She was busy with his sister's wedding

"Hm.." He waiting for her, "Mom, are busy?"

Instantly his Mom paused his activities and giving him all her attention, "What's wrong?" She looked carefully and found her son's eyes was fluffy

"Mom knows right? Why didn't ask me anything?"

She caressed his shoulder, "Son, if you want to tell Mom you can just tell me, if you ready to talk about it without Mom ask, you will tell Mom right?"

He hugged her. His sister who saw this, giving them their space, and left them alone

His Mom walked him to his room. She sat beside him, looked at his eyes with warm gazed, her smile really make him calm down

Gulf told her form the beginning of the story, and about their fight.

His Mom really listen to him carefully, she always caressing his shoulder when he starts to suffocating

She wants to him take his time to tell her the whole story

"Look, Mom" He showed the rings, "So beautiful, right?" He said proudly

His Mom took it and looked closely, she nodded, "This is one in the world right?" She added

"But I say no to him, that's why we had a quarrel"

She put back the rings into the box, placed it on the desk next to the bed

"When you choose a life partner, you are choosing a lot of things. Including your parenting partner, someone who deeply influence yourself or maybe your children, your eating companion for about 20.000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, your support system, and someone whose day you will hear about 18.000 times" She tried to give him encouragement, "If he was really sure about you, that's mean he giving all his life to you. But you are not sure enough, not about him but about his career, it's mean you don't want him disappointed in choosing you. Is Mom right?"

Gulf just smiled slightly, he still didn't know the answer

"Seems like you still can't decide your feeling"

He nodding

"He really gave all his life to you. He won't make a mistake when decided this. He really assured the future, not just on you but at himself too. He will take care of your worries, and you as his support system, you will walk with him through the hardest time. That's why he mad at you when you worrying about his work, his dad's work"

Gulf gazed at his Mom's eyes. Finally, the tears that he hold since then rolled on his cheeks

"Don't cry" His Mom wipe his tears with her palm, "If you really don't want to marry him, tell him. Give him a good reason, as long as both of together for a long time. Mom thinks it's doesn't matter, right?"

He laid his head on her lap

"Did he ever force you?"

Gulf shook his head

"Then tell him nicely, he is good at understanding you"

"Mom, do you want to have him as a son in law?"

"Why not? Which Mom who doesn't want to have him? He is handsome, have a good attitude, what else?" She teased her own son

"Mom..."

She laughed

He still needs time to understand himself. For several days he just helps his sister, then locked himself for hours in his room

Four days before his sister's wedding. Mew's Mom and sister come to his home to help to prepare some stuff

After they have done. Gulf asked her to have a talk with him

Same with his Mom. He told her everything, the rings too

She has the warmness like his Mom. Their Mom has a calm effect that makes their child feels enjoyed to talk with them

"Oh, how you got this?" She asked when Gulf handed the rings

"His friends told me..."

She smiled, "He made this for a month. Tried to ask everyone who can make a good ring for him. But, he said he has been thrown this?"

"Yes. But P'Tong take it again"

She gives it back to Gulf. Her warm hands warped his hands, "It's okay. Don't be sad. He was told me about your quarrel"

He holds his breath

"Exactly he talked with his Dad, then his Dad told me. He told not directly, he said that someone he knows doesn't want to marry their partner, because of the partner's work or reputation"

"What is the answer, Mom?"

"His Dad knows, he talked about you" Her smiled really make him nervousness, "He said, just live your life why you should worry my work? Yourself too, you can handle it well. Why should he worry about it? Why should I be ashamed? I have two sons, right? Don't worry about something that won't happen yet. But don't force him too"

Listening to Mew's Dad's answered make him lose all his burden. It feels so light. He can't form words, just gazed at her hands

"It's okay, don't worry. If you don't want to marry him, as long as still together it's okay. We are not angry, that's your choice, not us"

Slowly he can find the dots to the final decisions. He just needs to make sure the dots are enough to reach his final decisions.

One day before his sister's wedding

He told his parents about his decision, then Mew's parents, he even came to his home. Asked their permission to take their son to live with him. The last is their friends

Champ and Tong were touched, they are hugged each other tightly, Techno hugged him

The long journey was reached the highest peak

They discuss how Gulf can purpose him. Then Champ came with the idea of dancing and recording

At the same time, he prepared it with them

Techno as cameramen who record him at his home, apartment, and Gulf's home

Tong and Champ are helped him to edit the video 

Even his sister lend her bouquet to him

"Seems you are who getting married tomorrow" She teased him

"Should we marry tomorrow too? So we can share the fee" He teasing her back

"Mom... your son!!"

They are laughed seeing them teasing each other


	20. The Vow of Love

It's been 4 months since Gulf's purpose him. Everything going smoothly. They have been decided the time of their wedding, but the place, theme, or decoration still in their head. They didn't want to hurriedly to decide everything. Their friends thought that they would be married a month after the purpose, but they are wrong. The main couple happily living their life, as usual, wake up beside each other, debate about the laundry, take a breakfast before Mew going to work, and of course the long night together

Today is another long day off. Since morning they both doing the long exercise till noon

Gulf takes his shower first, while Mew sits on the edge of the bed. His eyes focused on his phone screen, he is watching the purpose video from his beloved

"Can you stop watching it?" Gulf comes out from the bathroom, his hands were drying his wet hair. The smell of vanilla and sandalwood lingering their bedroom, it's come from Gulf. His smell always nice, mainly after he finishing his shower

"You have been watching it like a thousand times, aren't you bored?" He standing beside him

Mew put his phone down on the desk beside the bed, his hand pulled Gulf's waist. Sniffing Gulf is his ecstasy, his neck is Mew's favorite part to sniffing him.

"You are so cute in that video, I saved it with thousand different names in my drive" His hand run underneath of Gulf's bathrobe

"Don't start it, we just finished doing it, and I just finished the shower" slightly he push him back. Mew chuckled. Mew giving him a little peck on his lips before going to the bathroom

Day off is Gulf favorite. He really doesn't want to going around, shopping, or go somewhere. Watching television with him while he laid his head on Gulf's lap is the best thing for him.

His simple mind, always makes Mew amazed him. Gulf never asks something if Mew didn't offer it to him. He always said that cuddle with him all day long is more than enough

"Look, they are so funny" He enjoyed his favorite skit program on the work point channel. Mew really didn't into it, while accompany him watching tv, he playing with Gulf's fingers on his chest.

"Gulf"

"Hmm..." His eyes focused on the tv while answering Mew

"Look at me..." Mew pledge.

His right hand take the remote, decreased the volume, then put it back beside him

"What?" He stroked Mew's hair

"For the wedding, where do you want to hold it?"

"Just make it simple, anywhere is okay"

The bright smile appeared on Mew's face, "I have some list" He stretches his fingers to count his list, "Japan, Korea, Bali, Europe, or Maldive"

Gulf frowned. His hands were stopped from stroking Mew's head while heard Mew's list, "Are you doing vacation or wedding? Why are those places so far? I don't want"

"Aww..." Mew wake and sit down properly beside him, "Why?"

"Don't spend too much money, just doing it as simple as possible. We can be doing it in Bangkok or other cities. Nor I won't marry you"

Mew's act sulk is another cute side from him. He is sulking now, but he laid back his head on Gulf's lap

"Alright then" He buried his face again Gulf's belly

Seeing his beloved one acting sulk and cutely Gulf just smiled and continue focused on his favorite program

A month before the wedding

Mew's Mom already prepared for their tuxedo. They have been doing the fitting 3 days ago. Gulf's Mom and his sister were preparing for both family uniform dress. Just both fathers who unbothered and keep working for their sake

Everything was ready. The invitation has been spread to family and college

[invitation](https://twitter.com/akinarishin/status/1309325545507819523?s=20)

As Gulf's request, they just invite the close and family.

Tul has organized everything for them

It's still a month, but he flew to Bangkok to discuss it with them. Every detail has to discuss together. The way he takes care of everything and considering both Mew's and Gulf's thought make the grooms really can depend on him

They decide on the color theme. It is blushed dusty and navy blue. The decoration has to set up the theme. Gulf choose the navy blue as Mew's favorite color, Mew get along with Gulf's choice, then Tul added the blush dusty to keep it beautiful and elegant

For the decoration, flowers, and the place both of them not seeing it yet. They just give the named place that Gulf want, for the rest Tul and his team take care of everything

3 weeks before the wedding

Mew busy with his work. He wants to finish everything before their wedding, then they can take more days on a honeymoon or just spent their new days together

The sound of the clock made everything seems in slow motion, especially for Gulf. Mew didn't give him permission to leaving the house until their wedding time

He just wants to keep Gulf safe. Waiting for Mew back home feels like forever for him. He still counts the time to their wedding, sometime Gulf can sleep just because his thought about the wedding

2 weeks before the wedding

Techno has come. He waiting Gulf in the living room

While Mew and Gulf still debate about Gulf's decision in their bedroom

"Why? Don't you say you want to marry me?" Mew can't accept Gulf's reason

"I did" Gulf hold Mew's arms tightly, "It's just 2 weeks. I will marry you after this. I just want to spend 1 week with my family" He tried to keep his voice low as possible, he didn't want another quarrel

"So, another week?"

"I'll give you homework, you should finish it before D day"

"But you don't allow me to meet you"

"The first week you can't contact me, the second week you can send me messages and call me, then let's meet at our wedding" Gulf explain everything with his sweet smile. No, He doesn't leave him. It's just he wants to have the feeling of missing him.

Mew dazed at nothing. He really can't accept this

"Please..." Gulf added after long silent from them

"Alright, but I don't allow you to go outside"

Giving him a hug as a reward and a promise to not break his promise to not going outside

"So...?" Techno asked when they come out

"Let's go" Gulf answered

Mew grabbed Techno's arm, "Please take him safely, take care him for me"

"Don't worry" Techno giving his best smile to him

Gulf handed a box. On the box written "My husband homework", "The homework. You can start today"

He accepts it. Put it on the table. Mew hugs him tightly, sniffing his belove before they separate. His back was caressing by Gulf's hands

"I love you," Mew said

"I'll answer it 2 weeks later" He walked with Techno and leave him alone in the living room

2 days have passed

Mew didn't dare to open the box. He has been brought it everywhere with him

"Should I put this back to the car?" Run said while lifting the box in front of him. They are at the office right now, and in 2 days Run have to bring the box to Mew's room. At least he can't open it until he back to their apartment

"Just put it here" His palm tapped on the table

"You won't do anything with this anyway" Run know about the box and their promise. Mew told him

"I'll try today" He sighed, "Did I have any schedule?"

"You are free until 2 months later after your wedding. Everything has done"

"Thank you. Please don't allow anyone to come in, ask me first" He sit on the chair behind his table

Run nodding and leave him with his box alone

Just staring at that box makes his heart swell. He is scared will find something that breaks his heart. He keeps reciting the sentence on that box "My husband homework".

Finally, he opens it after 30 minutes just staring, hesitate, and afraid by himself

At first sight, he sees a little note on every book. The blue note _"First is me"_. He takes it carefully. There is not a little on the cover book, just dried leaves. Opening the cover slowly, then the first word he read is the date of something

"21 march 2019"

 _What happened on this date._ His brain flashback

"Ah... 4 days after we broke up" he mumbled

_"21 March 2019"_

_I miss you like hell_

Mew's mouth hangs up a bit. There are pain and happiness in one time, but it's more aches his heart

Every page has one time, and some words.

_23 March 2019_

_Doctor Champ gave me this to write anything. So I write about you_

_26 March 2019_

_I've been known, that my Mom visited you often. She has your smell on her blouse. You hug her tightly, right?_

_27 March 2019_

_How are you_

He wrote to the next page, but the page has not the date. That's mean it's on one time with previous

_I miss you_

_I miss you_

He can hold his tears anymore. It's rolling down on his cheeks. He clenched his shirt on his chest

_3 April 2019_

_My first therapy. I hope you were here_

_6 April 2019_

_Ahh, I've been received the flowers. No need to send it every day. But I like it_

_11 April 2019_

_I miss you_

He kept writing the same sentence for almost 2 weeks. There are no other words on the page

Just three words but it makes his heartaches. He hugged the book, sobbing while hugging it. He has not known that not just him who is hurt because the broke up, that not just him who through the pain, that not just him who is missing him like crazy

That time is enough, the hardest and the pain is enough. He doesn't want anymore. His half-life has disappeared, the future seems blurry because he can't find him. That time is enough

Run heard him sobbing and crying. He always asks permission first to go inside his room, but now no more ask. He opened the door and walked closer to Mew

"What's wrong? Are you sick or what? Should I tell him? He just sends me messages to look after your lunch and schedule" He places his hand on Mew's shoulder

Mew's eyes redden, gazed at him with teary eyes, he shook his head

"No, It's fine" He wiped his tears with his backhand, "Don't tell him anything"

Run sighed, he caressing Mew's shoulder then left him

The next book. Just telling about his therapy, the way Champ treated him, taking him to walk around at the park, the whole Champ'a team treated him very well. Made him forget about the pain, and missing him. But he never forgets that he missing his beloved. On some page, Mew found the three words again, and again

 _Confession_. This is the title on the cover of the book

3 July 2019

_I'll tell you the 7 reasons why I love you_

6 July 2019

_You have seen me at my worst_

_8 July 2019_

_You know how to calm me down_

_9 July 2019_

_I miss you_

_I can depend on you and I can trust you_

_11 July 2019_

_You are always there for me_

_15 July 2019_

_Because you are mine_

_17 July 2019_

_Miss you like crazy_

_21 July 2019_

_Because you are my everything_

_22 July 2019_

_Looks your flowers were dried. I made something with it_

_30 July 2019_

_Because I love you..._

Mew has arrived at his parent's house 45 minutes ago. And now he sobbing again reading the book, it's have been 6 days, and he still can't handle it like an idiot

He will be reading it again and again every book. It makes him not finished yet and take a long time to read all the books

_5 August 2019_

_I have this thought while doing my therapy_

_What if I never forget you? What if when I finish this and back to you, you have found the new person? How supposed I live?_

_It's hurt_

_6 August 2019_

_It's my fault. My choice to broke up with you is my big mistake_

_17 August 2019_

_Do you still love me?_

_I love you_

The words "I love you" here just written twice in all the books. He rarely says it, but when he said it, it truly makes Mew's swell of love

The last page of the last book. It has no date. He wrote it in the middle of the page. The longest sentence in his books

_"I wish I could show you how much you mean to me. I wish I could let you look into my mind so that you would see how in love with you I am. You are my world and I will spend every day for the rest of my life proving this to you"_

_"Please wait for me, Please still loving me, Please don't forget me. I'll be back soon for you. Only you"_

In their circle of friendship and family. When they say not to tell, it's meant definitely must tell

Run keep updating Gulf about Mew's condition. About his schedule, lunch, and his sobbing suddenly while reading his homework. Run didn't know why Gulf asked to not contact him if Gulf still asked him about Mew. He never understands their relationship.

Gulf stopped asking to Run when Mew decided to sleep at his parents until the D day. It's better for him than living alone in that huge apartment

2 days before the wedding

This week they always doing video calls at midnight. Just talking randomly like they always have done when they are together

"Have you done with your homework?" Gulf asked while packing some clothes

"All done. How about the souvenir?"

Gulf doing by himself the souvenir, they just invite around 50 people to their wedding, and he wants the souvenir special. So he doing it by himself

"A half has done. My sister, your Mom and your sister help me"

Mew frowned, "My Mom and my sister too?"

"Aww..." He stopped his activities and looked at the screen, "Don't you know? They've been here lately to help me and prepared another thing"

"They even didn't tell me" He answered with a sulking voice

Gulf giggled, "If they told you, and you want to come here, I won't allow it too"

Mew sighed

"How about tomorrow?"

"I'll go first in the morning. My family will be going with you and your family in the evening, right?"

Gulf nodding

"Why? Nervous?" He chuckled

He takes a deep breath then released it, "Don't you?"

"Hmm... tomorrow maybe, after I look at our decoration and everything"

Gulf continues his packing. But he didn't turn off the video called

"Tul will provide the flowers for you tomorrow, you can arrange it by yourself. And he booked a different room for us, you will share a room with Techno. Next day you will move with me, and Champ will replace you next day" Mew explained everything

"I really want to meet your friend, I asked about the bouquet but he offers me if I want to arrange it by myself, then now he gave me the flowers. I want to thank him"

"Don't you want to meet me instead?"

He shook his head while smiling, "See you tomorrow"

"Gulf..." Mew called before he turns off the connection

"Why?"

Mew hesitate. He wants to say something, in another hand, he doesn't want to say it now

"Never mind. I'll tell you tomorrow"

Mew gets his earlier ticket to Phuket, he going there by plane. Everything has settled done, he was rented cars for their family, and pick up bus for the guests.

Around 10 am Mew has arrived at the airport, he went with Run. They need around 1 hour 10 minutes, then continue to their chosen place

The first thing that he does when arrives is visiting the venue. Tul chooses outside near the beach, and both of them agreed. Run following behind him, while taking care of their luggage and asked the staff to bring them at Mew's room

"Can I join?" Run asked hesitantly. He afraid that he probably ruin his first sight

"Sure. Why not" He answered while walked hurriedly

Then he followed him

"You arrive!" Tul looked at them when Mew finally standing beside him. He greeted Run in silent

The venue not 100% done. Its just a concept, Tul's staff marking it with chairs. There are no flowers or other things, just chairs. But it's already have shaped. The way Tul arranged the chair of the guest is not like an ordinary one

"I like it," Mew said

"What do you like? There is nothing, just chairs"

Mew gazed at him, "You choose the unordinary arrangement of guest's chairs. The glass box welcome sign and the view that We and the guest will get when We are saying the vow"

Tul looks at his best job. The proud over him. He really gives them his best, gives them an unforgettable wedding. Because both of them have through a hard time

That's why he chooses the unordinary arrangement, a wedding doesn’t have to follow any rules. There’s no set format or equation that you need to perfect so that your big day turns out memorable. All you really need is the love of your life and a heart ready for forever

"This will done tomorrow noon, everything has ready. I just don't want my best job will ruin your big day, so I'll place everything by tomorrow morning"

A beautiful smile appeared on Mew's face

Tul asked them to take a rest first, but Mew keeps eyeing him from afar. Not as a boss, he just want to enjoy every progress before the D day tomorrow

His gazed really makes Tul annoyed. He asked Run to take him to the hotel. All their needs have been placed on Mew's room, including the flowers, their photobooks of pre-wedding, and set of their costume for the dinning party after the ceremony

"You should take a rest. I have enough time, I won't go anywhere" Mew waved a tulip in his hand, "I want to try to make a bouquet"

Run nodding and leave him. Run admit in his heart that, Mew's eyes, his eyes are so bright, full of love, full of hope, full of cherishing. This sight of his eyes never can be found except related to his beloved

His mind having an idea, he would make a bouquet for him. The one and only bouquet that ever he has done.

 _When it came to the bouquet, "I definitely did not want perfectly round,"_ Mew remembers Gulf's answer some day before.

He starts to cut and tried to arrange the flowers. 

After some time, he created a simple arrangement that included trailing greens and white-and-cream garden roses, tulips, orchids, and ranunculus

He giggled alone by himself, "Beautiful"

Then he put it at Gulf's room and left it there

Tul takes him to the reception table. The dining party after the ceremony will be held in the hotel's Aula room

It has done. Mew's mouth hanging a bit, his eyes are dilated looked at every corner, and every decoration in the room. He never expects that Tul will give him this much, Gulf just asked him to create a simple one. But in front of his eyes, this is so beautiful

He knew his friend enjoying his work, he patted his shoulder, "Go take a look"

His words like a hypnotist word. Mew take a step to look around the room

Meanwhile, Run pick Gulf, his family, and Mew's family up in the airport. They have arrived earlier than the schedule. He doesn't have a chance to tell Mew that Gulf has arrived

At the hotel, everyone comes into Gulf's room to drop his belongings, like the suit, shoes, and the souvenirs

Gulf finds the bouquet on his bed while helping his Mom. He picks it up carefully

_He remembers that I won't the round shape. It's beautiful_

"Where is Mew?" He asked in the middle of the crowd of two Moms. Their Moms paused a moment when heard Gulf's question. The sentence that can make others person's hearts flustered by just hearing it. The first word that comes from him since arrived in Phuket is looking for Mew

"In the Aula room. Let me take you there" Run answered.

Hurriedly but carefully Gulf put back the bouquet. He walked following Run. He keeps biting his lip, the nervousness, the missing filling up his heart. Its been 2 weeks, he really misses him. In his imagination, Mew will pick him up, but since the plane was landed he can't contact Mew. This is the reason he keeps silent on their way to the hotel.]

"Oh you are coming earlier," Tul said when Gulf in front of the room. He knows, without Gulf ask or says it. His eyes say more than his mouth, "He is checking something inside. You can come"

"Oh, already here?" The familiar voice that makes his heart pounding, "You comes earlier"

"So, it's good Gulf is here. You can check it together, let me know if something missing or want to change something" the sentence of taking leave before both of them ask the others person

There is no word from them, just gazing at each other. Gulf wants to utter something, but his mouth denied his own will. It keeps shut. His right leg take a step to move forward, he spread his arms, and reach Mew first for a hug

Even they spend so many times together when Gulf act first it still makes Mew's heart want to jumps. In the second he can't think what should he do, then he hugs him back. He can feel Gulf buried his face on his neck crook

"Tell me," Mew asked

Gulf shook his head

"Just tell me" He keeps asking

"I miss you..." He hides his face through Mew's shoulder

Mew smiled happily, hearing him says it first, "Me too. So much" he tightens his hug

"You should take a look. You will love it. Tul gives us the best day ever tomorrow" Mew mumbled after a while the hugging agenda. He takes Gulf's hand to the room

The two the long wooden tables in the middle of the room welcoming them. Gulf stared at Mew, then the view in front of him, then back to Mew again. Mew giving him a nod, Gulf take his step closer to each table

The wooden table has a striped fabric table runner combine with greenery mixed with eucalyptus and baby's breath, then dotted with candles. The striped fabric table and baby's breath were landed on the ground at each end of the table, its make the decoration more incredible and giving the rustic theme

The long wooden table not only are they beautiful and romantic, but they're perfect for facilitating conversation among the guests. Because they just invite around 50 persons, that why Tul divides the table into two long wooden tables. The wooden Tuscan cross-back chairs were chosen by Tul to complete the perfect complement.

The delicate place settings included glass chargers, matte gold cutlery, navy blue tulip-shaped glasses, and blush dusty porcelain plates. Gold rims added an extra touch to the tableware. The menus, offering Thai menus except for seafood, were printed on light blue cards. Place cards were tied around the napkin with a hand-dyed silk ribbon. Each place setting had light grey napkins and a delicately calligraphed light blue.

The ceiling of the room was hanging the dried flowers that were made by Gulf before when he was hospitalized. Tul added some so make it even bigger and beautiful to fit the ceiling room. There is a mini stage too, the round stage. The stage was decored by pampas grass and eucalyptus

"How?" Mew's gripped Gulf's waist by his left hand

"So beautiful, too much. Didn't I say just a simple?" He complained but he never refused, or want to change it. The admiration in his eyes was seen

Mew hugged him from behind. He chuckled, "But you like it, right?"

Gulf nodding while smiling. There is no one who dislikes it when everything so perfect and wonderful. He can't imagine if he asked Tull to make it glamour, he will give his best more than glamour

"Have you done make your own vow?" He asked

Yes. They won't use the old vow. They want to make it by themself, the different from usual

"I'll make it tonight. So don't come to my room. It won't special if you know first before tomorrow" Mew answered with a teasing tone

"The bouquet" He paused a moment, "I like it"

"You saw it?"

He is nodded, "Thank you"

Mew tighten his hug. Resting his chin on Gulf's shoulder, inhaling his favorite scent

D day 10 AM

"Didn't I said to take a good sleep?" Techno scolded him, in the morning he just woke up. He found the dark circle under his eyes

"I've tried. But I can't sleep" Rolling his body on the bed while answering Techno

"Maybe because you share the room with me?"

"What the hell, no. I just... I can't sleep"

They share a room like Mew said before, but they have 2 beds for each other

"I'll pick up doctor Champ and the other guests. Do you want me to tell Mew?"

Gulf keeps his mouth shut. He is playing with his own fingers

"Hey"

Then he looked at Techno when he calling him the second time, he looked at him with puppy eyes. No one can resist it

"Okay... okay, I'll tell him" Techno walked away from the room

On the way Techno looking for Mew. He sees their Mom busy checking their tuxedo and shoes, their Dads talking with the staff to check other things. The grooms take their time to calm down and take a rest before the big time

Mew was standing near the venue, he grabbed a tablet, beside him there is Tul who explain the venue to him

"Hmm... Excuse me" Techno disturbed them carefully

Both of them looked at him

"Hmm... I think you should come to Gulf's room, he can't sleep since yesterday night. He has a dark circle around his eyes"

No need to answer. Mew handed the tablet to Tul, and take his big steps to go to Gulf's room

He has an access to Gulf's room, so he didn't need to knock or waiting for his answer. Carefully he opened the door and see Gulf rolling his body nonstop on the bed. He wants to laugh but he can't do that, his beloved must be so nervous right now

"What are you doing?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed

"Oh!" Gulf jumped and hide his body in the blanket, "How can you come in?" His voice hoarse because covered by the blanket

"Let me see you.." he asked with a soft voice while pulling the blanket

"No!!"

"Why?"

"I can't sleep, I have dark circle under my eyes"

"Then, let me see. Come on"

Slowly he gives in. Mew opens the blanket and found him underneath. His dark circle too obvious, Mew never seen it after spent so many times with him. _He needs to calm down. His worries and nervousness disturbing him_

"Let sleep together then, we have plenty of time"

Gulf starts pouting his lips slowly. If he doing this that means he wants to refuse but wants to do Mew's offer

"It's okay. Let's see the venue later before the ceremony"

He moves closer to him. Gulf leaning forward to him. Mew chuckled, he just need some words to make sure everything then Gulf will give in easily. His right hand underneath of Gulf's neck, he pulled him closer, the other hand wrapped him by his waist

"Is it okay to sleep together?" Gulf asked innocently make Mew burst of a laugh, "Don't laugh at me"

"Okay okay..." He holds his laugh, "it's okay. Let's sleep, no one will complain anyway"

"Finally I can sleep here again after 2 weeks" He mumbled while caressing Mew's chest

"Have a good dream" He pulled the blanket then give him a kiss on his head

30 minutes before the actual time of the ceremony

Mew was done with his make up and hair. He wearing the classic black tuxedo, with a white shirt underneath, a black bow tie, and a white flower pinned on his left chest

He was talking with guests while waiting the time

The rings were prepared beautifully inside the box surrounded by petals and leaf of eucalyptus. Tong honored to carry the little box. He looks more nervous than the grooms, he is afraid will make a mistake and dropped the rings. Champ makes fun of him, added by Run and Techno

They just hiring one make-up artist and hairstylist, and now the hairstylist doing Gulf's hair. He wearing the same color tuxedo as Mew, but he doesn't have a flower pinned on him. The bouquet ready to behold, his mom put it on the desk beside him

"It's done," The hairstylist said

"Thank you so much"

"Good luck"

He smiled. He keeps shaking his foot under the table, his hands are cold. Nervous, yes.

Mom takes her step closer to him, hold his hands, "your hands are cold"

"I nervous"

"Do you need Dad to walk with you to the aisle?" His Dad coming from his Mom's behind

"Dad, I'm a boy" He frowned

His parents tried to make him more relaxed. They giving him the last hug before the ceremony

"Let's meet at the venue. It's so beautiful" His Mom caressing his back

They both come down first to the venue, leaving him alone and give him some more time. As they come down that is a signal that Gulf will come down too in a minutes

He looks at himself through the mirror. So handsome, perfect, and beautiful at the same time

"Please, don't make mistake, don't make me fall" He mumbling while looking at his legs

"Let's go" The last words he gives to the bouquet that waiting for him

From afar he can hear jingled from piano tuts. The song echoing the sand, and the beach is I Choose You by Ryan Darling was sung by Jom Mew's sister. He can see that the guest was standing in front of their chair waiting for him, the main lead of this ceremony was standing handsomely waiting for him to come

Gulf remembers when his Mom said the venue was beautiful. He doesn't want to see the venue before and this is the first he sees it. So wonderful, so beautiful this view will be stuck in his brain and heart forever

There is a glass box welcome sign, filled with native foliage and laceleaf blooms, greeted guests upon their arrival to the ceremony site. The glass box is written "Mew and Gulf's future life". The arrangement of the guests' chair is a half-circle, it's mean they were surrounded by their guests while saying their vow. Each chair has a transparent pouch in the behind of the chair, it filled with the souvenir that Gulf made before

The down path of the aisle has pampas grass, blue tisle, vendela rose, white ranunculus on the edge of the path whit a big candle in the glass box. A ground-level arch of pampas grass, blue tisle, and baby's breath were decorated behind the officiant and his to-be-husband. Beautiful, right?

Gulf took a deep breath before he took a step to the aisle. Everybody looking at him, with eyes full of love, and happiness. He smiled and walked forward slowly

Mew waiting for him in the middle of the aisle, then they are meet, looking at each other eyes. He offers his left hand, Gulf takes it and holds it with "The My Lady" handhold style, they were walking together.

"I've heard you both written your own vows?” the officiant said

Both of them nodding

Then, "You go first" He gazed at Mew

Mew released Gulf's hand, and took a piece of paper in his pocket, he took a deep breath while looking straight at Gulf's eyes

"Gulf, thank you so much for letting me come into your life, thank you for letting me know your bad and good about yourself, thank you for come back to me after a long time, and loving me again" He can't hold his tears, Gulf shook his head while smiling sign "Don't cry", "For the rest of my life I want to share the hard time, bad, and good news together with you. I want to share every happy moment with you. You can lean on me on every hard time, and I want to lean on you too. Let's grow old together" He finished it with a smile and tears on his cheek. Gulf wiped it with his thumb

"My dearest Mew, thank you for coming into my life. Having you in the hardest time of myself is such a miracle, thank you for always loving and waiting for me to back to you. I'll share every breath and spend the rest of my life with you" Gulf finished whit trembling lips while he smiling and tried his best to not tearing up

Tong comes closer and offering the rings

"With this, I'll give you all my love, my heart, and myself. In healthy, poor, sick, and wealthy. I promise to take care and love you" Mew said while slipped the ring on Gulf's, and Gulf said the same to while putting the ring on him

"Your wedding rings are the outward and visible sign of the inward and invisible bond which already unites you two hearts in love. May your life together be blessed with prosperity and good health. May you always share open and honest communication between each other. May you respect each other’s individual talents and gifts and give full support to each other’s professional and personal pursuits" The officiant said, "You may seal this declaration with a kiss"

Mew with his teary eyes, looking deep his official husband, pulling him by his waist, the other hand holds his hand with the bouquet between them. Their lips connected, softly he kissed with intimate, with so much love and passion. Gulf clung his free hand on his neck, bring him more closer to kiss. As their background kiss, the sky starts to darken itself, the sunset, and the arch ground level decorated the best moment in their life

Everyone cheers on them while they are having their kiss. Their Moms hugging each other as shed tears on their cheeks, their Dads hold each other hands and smiling happily

"Shit, this is so beautiful" One of Gulf's friend

"I cry," the other said while wiped with tissue

"Good job everyone," Champ said to Tul, Techno, and Tong who are always beside both of them

Champ back to sit again in front of the piano. Gulf's sister standing beside him while holding the microphone, they both nodded. Then start playing and singing Season of You, written by Mew Suppasit dedicate to his husband

Gulf stared and them and laugh, "My sister," He said while looked at back to his husband

"Surprise" He answered

Before the night dinner. Mew and Gulf take several photos on the venue and the beach

Everyone giving them plenty of time and waiting for them in the Aula room

The shoes and bouquet were put on the sands. Then they walked barefoot while holding hands, the sunset make their moment more special

"Thank you for not giving up on me" Gulf say it first

"Thank you for your hard work that I don't know if I wasn't read your books"

They both chuckled

"So many happiness from both" The cameramen give them praise when taking every movement of them

They having a dining party, listening to their parent's speech, their friends' praises, and wishes. The dance time was intimate, they could see Champ and Techno dance together, while Tong chooses to not doing anything. After some time of dance time, Mew takes his time to chat with his relative and his friends, Gulf too. But not that long, he back gathered with Techno. Champ and Tong joined with Mew chatting with their college

"Are you tired?" Techno asked

Gulf nodding. He looked at Mew from afar, he just can see his back, hoping he realized his gazed and come to him

Realizing his gaze, Techno added, "Tell him. You are now officially his husband, it's okay sometimes needy"

"It's okay. It's our day though"

He still hoping Mew will bring him back to his room to take a rest. Too long socialist make him too tired and a bit dizzy

Mew know Gulf well even he is busy. He knows that his partner needs him already after a long time chattering with others. He can see from the way he stands seems restless. He needs to greet some of his friends before come to him.

"Waiting for me?" He asked while slipped his arm between Gulf's waist and hand

"Mew..."

"He is tired" interrupted Techno

"Let's go then"

"The guests, how about them?"

"I'll back after walked you to my room"

"Is it okay if I take a rest first?"

"Of course" He tugged him and make their left

"Sorry for make you waiting, they are our old friends, so I need to greet them first" He explained while walking to his room

Gulf nodding. He too tired to answer him

"Take a shower first, then go to sleep don't wait for me," he said when arrived at Mew's room, "Your stuff already moved here. Just hanging the suit next to our tuxedo"

Gulf holds the edge of Mew suit, "I love you"

Mew smiled happily, "I know. Go take a rest"

In the early morning. Their first day of being husband officially

Gulf wakes up first wearing a bathrobe, standing at the balcony watching their friends were playing near the beach. He giggling alone

"What are you giggling about?" Mew hugged him from behind

"Look, Techno has thrown by the others" he pointing

"Let's join them"

Gulf eyes dilated, happily

"Change your bathrobe into a t-shirt, I don't want people seeing you like this" his jealous voice is so sexy for Gulf

They walked to join them while holding hands. Gulf felt having the best time of his life, owned the universe, is the happiest person in the world just by having Mew beside him

Mew couldn't wish any better for this time. Living his own life together with someone he loves the most. Seeing his happy laugh, smile, and giggling from yesterday's ceremony is the best time in his life. He won't let him faced any struggle alone from this time, he won't let him broke their married if someday Gulf asked. Because both of them having the same hardest time and a big wound

_-Today seems like it's the start of a new journey, but I already belong to you. It feels like we are finally going home-_ Mew to Gulf

- _I may never find words beautiful enough to describe all that you mean to me, but I will spend the rest of my life searching for them_ \- Gulf to Mew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for following this silly long story. I really like writing stories but this is the first time I post my AU. I hope my-not-good-at-word didn't disturb your reading  
> sorry for the wrong grammar  
> please follow them MewGulf for along time  
> Let's grow old and walk together   
> thank you so much


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